08 October 2010


2 years from the day where we started to fly, to our travels. We just had one way ticket to Mexico. No time schedule.
It all just unraveled and guided us forward. Many turns, loops and meetings. 6 months in Mexico. I ended up staying in Canada for another 6 months and just exactly one year ago, on the 8th of October 2009 (08.10.09) I landed again in Estonia.
For me this year in here has been very various, very life-changing and above and under it all - incredibly widening and grounding. I find myself in the middle of lessons which teach me to live. Again and again. From many different perspectives.

Right now I am taking first steps on the road of becoming a teacher. Let's see where it leads.
Right now me and Sander are invited to go to one or two small schools on the west coast of Estonia - to speak in a "geography" lesson about our travel in Mexico. This invitation came after we performed in Matsalu Nature-Film-Festival, a month ago. Sander put together an exhibition - 12 big black-and-white photos about Nomads United horse caravan.

I had an accordion with me and along and without that we sang some songs in local languages, from ceremonies and our daily life. Some stories were told and questions asked.

Here is a video about the event what took place that evening. In the end you can see us for a moment!

This was a great experience for both of us and I am glad and surprised at the same time that people are continuously interested and we can learn from sharing. Just to inspire one people to take a step towards his/her biggest dreams or fears - this is huge, this a gift we can offer.

I celebrate this day. I now feel that another circle has become whole and I can move on. It seems to me that it takes as long to come back as long you stayed away.

Gratitude is inside me - for all the people who are in sharing, who we have met on the road, who have taught us, challenged us, made us cry, laugh and dream.
And people who have been and who are in Estonia - now welcoming and listening and being. It is a gift.
I am eager to see what the next day brings. I feel that some of you in the world I will see again. And some of you are strongly in my heart. And some of you I have never met before, but I will in the future. And some of you I will never see again. Yet, it all is beautifully weaved together as a magnificent carpet.

I share my love with the world.
I am in love.


21 August 2010

Life on my own.

Sander and I just went through a course where we learned to work as Aura Mediators.

It feels like real life.
It feels in peace.
It feels like doing something that I have always wanted to do.
It feels whole.

Spirit integrates the body.
It is the New World.
It is Life.

11 August 2010

Stars on the dark sky

They fall.
It is fall.
It is August.

New moon.
Letting go's and saying hello's.

Today I met again with the guy who was on the plain to Mexico, 2 years ago. Then he was in the Mexican rainbow. And then in the horse caravan. And now he is in here. Staying for some days after the Finland Rainbow.

Looking and feeling him and the surrounding hostel Euphoria (filled with rainbowers and hippies and everybody), I remembered how we lived in Mexico and maybe a bit like it in Canada too. And how now my life feels so different. I have connection with this way of living too and it has and is part of my growth and life. At the same time I am happy to have the choice and freedom to live in another way.

Walking home on the lonely streets of Tallinn. Warm night.
This is so right,
hands moving with the flow.
Something grows and something goes.
Light shines through.


In Estonia I have met with some days without electricity and all what comes with it and it has gave me pretty strong feelings about what might happen when some systems fail. My choice is to go to countryside, to grow my own food and to get a horse.
It just feels more and more real and life in the city seems like a nice game to play, but not for too long.

Old energies are falling apart and from this dust new phoenix can rise.
Everybody has to wake her/him up.


Roads are crossing again and I am waking up for communication and meetings.
Thank you,
that you are alive.

09 July 2010

Growth with the Family

What a wonder it is to be born from a Mother and to be inspired by the Father.

Two persons bring you into this world. And no matter how you communicate with them when you grow up, they have been the holy channel to this place, giving you a body to use, patterns to reshape and things to give up to.

In one moment they start to be your friends as well. You see the beauty and strength of accepting each other. There is this unconditional love in the bottom of all the layers - this is what gives you the chance to work on finding it and bringing it into bloom. Sometimes there is not much else to do about it than to live your own life to its fullest and surest. This will inspirate your parents too, cause they see you, even if you don't speak to them. Connection is there, from the beginning of your existence.

Forgiveness is the greatest.
Problems will solve themselves when you let them loose.
Light comes out (appears) when you bring Love in.

Family - I love that there is such a thing in the world!

Brother is sleeping in our travel tent in the garden.
It's morning.
It's Norah Jones' voice.
It's smooth.
It's the Day of the Acts.
It's time to live. Again.

And with all the time we are together, we grow. Inevitably.

Brother Seagull taking a look to the vastness of one kind. The Sea and Sunset.
Tallinn, Estonia

08 July 2010

"Iga päev, mis meile antud on, ära lase käest."
Mari Kalkun

"Väiksed kallid Marid."

01 July 2010

Rainbow at Home

My home knows how to transform into a cheerful place for kids and adults, for creaters and companions. It feels that there is no need to go out to search for a great place to be - all comes here on the right time. My first painting in this home is also getting ready there in the corner.
Those light-kids live in the neighborhood and come in through the window.

Joy in the Morning

Morning with fresh wind and some distant city sounds and with warm summer-air  --- yes, this night I was sleeping outside, on a hammock. What a good invention and what a good influence on me - puts things into the right place and makes me feel whole (gives me a feeling of travelling and Mexico).

Balance is the key.
If I get stuck at home I need to go and have some sauna and great talks with kind girl and bike-ride there on the sea-promenade of Pirita. Sea gives freedom and good air and blows some things away.

Science needs some compliments from creativity, paiting and singing.

Order needs some chaos.

Thoughts manifest so fast and also intuition starts talking about some things which are about to happen, though in the moment the information appears, mind is not aware of it yet. Last night we talked about marriage, kids and about a friend of mine and when I got home I found a letter from him with brief sayings that he will marry soon!
Seems like a coincidence?
For me it looks like we caught the info and just interpreted it in our own way but there was a chance to put it together right and say it out even before getting the "real" info and letter :)
Have you read Anastasia books - I remember she telling about the information field which is available and you just need to "plug" yourself in and then you don't need to learn things by heart anymore - you ask and you shall recieve.

People in the world are there to help each other. Marriage in Estonian is called "Abielu", which can be straightforwarldy translated: "Help"+"Life". So, two people get together to take care of each other and to be for the highest help and support, unconditionally.

Here the music started to play and Oren Lavie "Her Morning Elegance" gives its touch to the day.

Life in Tallinn is as beautiful as life in the forests and as in Mexico and Canada. It is just different. And there is a certain time to experience each place.
Today I leave my home into hold and go to my parents place where the strawberries are getting ripe.

People in the world with whom I have met and those who stay behind the scenes - I thank you for being part of my life, for following what I am saying and for appearing in my thoughts and heart.

Jasmine is blooming and giving up its smell so that I can recieve it and be so grateful and surrounded of its gift. This is what everybody can do with their love, kindness and thoughts - to give them up and out so that the world can experience it. There's nothing to loose. Richness comes from great sharing.

29 June 2010

Open Space

Where the wild wind blows.

Oh the fly from Rome to Munich.
25th of June, 2010

28 June 2010

Small Joys

Marian and Sander went to see how the Creation-Place in Tallinn looks and feels like. This time Sander was the "tour-guide" and reminded Marian how it feels to be around artists and inspiration. Marian recognized the feeling and started to think more about using time to create something new, to express and to fulfill the dreams.
Sander is doing great in photography and communication. Water flows well.
Marian is walking in between science and art and asking questions from herself.

Sister and Brother went to a shop to get some equipment for Marian's flat to have the possibility to listen to music with good quality. They succeeded and now the playing music is inspirating Marian to write the words. Now she can sit down to the couch they just brought home from Laura's ex-apartment and lay back and go into the world of sounds.

A wine from Italy, Aglianico, tasted so good that the guests and siblings enjoyed it with grace and happiness and wishes were said out in the words.

There is much in the world to experience, to learn from. Spiritual things on the Earth are connected with the ground. If you don't focuse on anything, nothing happens. By doing less you do more.

"All I know about life is you have to enjoy it."

19 June 2010

Warmth Moves. Italy. Benevento.

What is it?
That it all changes - feeling and understanding about the aspects of life inside.
First time again I think about travelling,
about being on the road or in a place where I wake up in the morning and I don't know what the day will bring - I have all the freedom to decide what opportunities I take to live.

Now I am in the plan - studying about satellites and ocean. Some things are interesting to me, but some talks are vibrating so tough and tense that I am unable to be in sync with them. I see that I am not willing to think about marine optics all the time. Flowers on the roof caught my attention. Making pictures through sunglasses made me happy. Concert in an archeological site gave me the feeling of magic and wonder.

Life now is a matter of perspective.
Mexico comes alive.
In tonight's dream I saw myself hugging with Alex, the Hawaiian girl who has left her Earhtly form. We were saying goodbye. The feeling of love and care was so strong. And her dark long hair were feelable when I hugged her.
Maybe she is leaving the planet now. Or maybe she is incarnating again and leaving the spirit form and old human form behind. Maybe I will meet with her when she has found a new body...

And it even doesn't matter. When it happens, I will know.

It takes time to understand and learn about life and living. And there are so many aspects that will reveal themselves only when you reach to them. You cannot go slower than your shadow. And you cannot go much faster either. Some laws work on this planet.
there are many viewingpoints and things can seem very different.

Rebel in me is rising its head.

Time will tell.

09 June 2010

Stories from Tallinn

While being where I am there are some beautiful things happening. 

This ship is Kaisamoor, born on 1939. I love cycling by and saying hello to the seamen and giving my hand when needed. Now they are out to the sea for a month or so, but when they come back...

Last inspiration and first drawing here in Köie-home. Earth and Water is in this picture. Kaisamoor is carrying this with her.

This sight is idyll, a dream and something that gives the feeling of beautiful life. I have been lucky enough to visit a friend living in this place.

08 June 2010

Mis on ime

Ime pole mitte õhus lendamine või veepeal käimine, vaid maa peal kõndimine.

— Hiina vanasõna

29 May 2010

Studying Chaos and Fractals

"Researchers discovered a simple set of three equations that graphed a fern. This started a new idea - perhaps DNA encodes not exactly where the leaves grow, but a formula that controls their distribution. DNA, even though it holds an amazing amount of data, could not hold all of the data necessary to determine where every cell of the human body goes. However, by using fractal formulas to control how the blood vessels branch out and the nerve fibers get created, DNA has more than enough information. It has even been speculated that the brain itself might be organized somehow according to the laws of chaos."

I am getting inspired by thinking of how this world works - maybe there are hidden fractals everywhere! They are there just to discover!
So, a fractal has come to mean any image that displays the attribute of self-similarity.
One of the most simple one is Mandelbrot fractal:
Again, check out the pages listed above for more information!

I am learning for the exam of "Introduction to Mathematical Modelling" and for that I am getting into all those interesting fields of science and world - fractals, chaos, self-organisation and sync! 
I even ordered a book,
Steven Strogatz "Sync. The emerging science of spontaneous order",
after writing an essay about natural rhythms and their syncronicity and about female moon cycle - it works like magic!

So yes,
even though I am in science now, I see the edges of it and the places where it starts to reach the magic, patterns and beauty!
Just go into the thing you are dealing with and start seeing what is it made out of - you might find something fascinating!

enjoy the smell of the spring, at least here in the northern hemisphere, around 60 degrees of latitude!

28 May 2010

A tip to myself

Kui elu tundub keeruline, vaata kuidas taimed kasvavad.

If life seems to be complicated, look how the plants grow.

A hammock in the garden is one of the best things one can have.

Stop questioning and just live it.

Doubt is "Stop".

Children are moving.

22 May 2010

Sea-truthing course in Askö

Racing machines

Islandroad to the fields of green

My horse

Oceania - a dream come true

I really have been here, in the bow of Oceania.
This thing on the left measures light.

19 May 2010

What you wish
you will get.
And you don't need to make an effort,
just relax
and let the World to handle it!

17 May 2010

Optimum Energy for Peak Performance

This is what I experience.

Sweden is under my feet - a small island of Askö. It is a research base for Stockholm University. Nobody really lives here, but some people come to work here every day, with a boat.

No doors are locked in this island.

Primula veris (nurmenukk) - for the breakfast and for the joy of living!

16 May 2010

Circle of Nations (from the newsletter)

What comes to You has a special reason to do so.
Notice the life and its details around You - then You can see.
I got the message and the urge to share it:

EAST - Wiyohinyanpata - Yellow (Four Winds
You cannot see the wind.  Yet it is there, mighty and mysterious in its power.  Wanbli, the eagle, trusts that unseen power to carry it to the highest altitudes, where perspective is gained.  And yet, that flight is not without unexpected twists and turns.  It takes practice to learn the unseen wind currents of the Great Mystery, and faith to lean into them as we are guided on our way through this life.  Sometimes they take you to places you would never expect - some good, some bad.  And yet, both can be part of the greater plan for our life.  Often, the greatest gifts are found just on the other side of a seemingly bad experience.  Many times, the road to our sacred path goes right through a patch of thorns.  It is important to remember that the patch of thorns often holds the key we need to take the next step on our journey.  So keep your eye out for it.  Our life is like the flight of the eagle - a journey of faith.  We ride the unseen winds of the sacred path of our lives, sustained by our faith, held up by the Spirit, and taken to new heights by our willingness to dream.  So do not let fear overcome you.  Hold out the wings of your spirit, leap into the unseen journey ahead, trust the Great Mystery to lift you up, and you will rise like the eagle to the places where visions become your guide, and dreams become a reality....

NORTH - Waziyata - White  (Words of Wisdom)

The things that matter in this life are not made of matter....

In the end, material possessions are really immaterial....

It is always better to be kind, than to be right....

Love is the door through which peace enters....

As always, in the spirit of mending the sacred hoop of the nations of the world
Your Oglala Lakota friend and brother,
John Two-Hawks

~ From my way to Sweden I am feeling happy that the world is a circle and that there is still a home to return, friends to be inspired with and a lover to be in love with ~

12 May 2010


"Räägitakse, et hommikune kohtumine tigudega toob teguderohke päeva."
M. N.

Lõpetasin "Viis tiibetlast" ja nägin oma laual miniatuurset tigu.

11 May 2010

Helimaailmad - Veealuse müra mõju mereelustikule

Veepinnast allpool asub maailm, mida illumineerivad helid - maismaal on selleks valgus, kuid vete puhul jõuab valgus maksimaalselt paarisaja meetri sügavusele. Läänemeres muidugi vaid kõige rohkem paarikümne meetrini.

Vees levivad helid 5 korda paremini kui maal - kui ujuma lähed, proovi järgi - klõpsuta kivikesi omavahel kokku ja lase sõbral vee all kuulata. Siis klõbista neid kivisid vee peal - kas on sama kaugele kuulda?

Veealused helimaastikud on leidnud vähe inimeste tähelepanu, alles viimasel ajal hakatakse taipama, et kaladelegi ei pruugi meeldida, kui nende kodupaikades sõelub ringi ports laevu, undab tuulikuid ja sondeeritakse põhjageoloogiat... Kalad võivad minna mujale elama või hoopis nälga surra. Kes neid veepõhja langenud laipu ikka loeb?

USA Merevägi tegeleb ka hoopis vägevamate asjadega - suutes tekitada 1 000 000 korda valjemaid helisid kui vaalad oma parima tahtmise juures. Selliseid aktiivsonareid plaanivad nad kasutada pea kogu maailmamere heliliseks kontrolliks - oma sõnade järgi "vaenlase" avastamiseks, kuid võib arvata, et seeläbi saavad nad luua raskesti pealtkuulatava suhtlusvõrgu, mis ühendab vähemasti 3000 km kauguseid paiku (nt. Monterrey'd ja Hawaiid). Sõjaväe katsetustega paralleelselt on juba aastakümneid täheldatud salapäraseid vaalade ja delfiinide massilisi randumisi - nad tulevad rannale ja keelduvad sealt lahkumast ning surevad. Kuna nemad orienteeruvad helide järgi, on neil lihtne valjude helide mõjusfääris olles sattuda paanikasse, segadusse ning lahkuda oma toitumisaladelt, surra nälga, randuda... lisaks sellele suudab heliline lööklaine purustada veeimetajate sisekõrva ning panna nende silmi veritsema, tekitades ka teisi koekahjustusi. Kalade ujupõied on samuti väga tundlikud, ning need lõhkevad lööklaine tingimustes... Niimoodi oleks küll lihtne kalu püüda!?

See pilt on Kanaari saartelt 2002 leitud vaal, kelle surma seostatakse USA Mereväe madalsageduslike aktiivsonari katsetustega:

USA Navy leht selle tehnoloogia vajalikkuse kohta:

Õnnelike "juhuste" kokkulangevusena sain "Merekeskkonna kaitse" loengus ülesandeks teha referaat teemal "Veealuse müra mõju mereelustikule". Sellele aitas kaasa ka kursuseõde Krista Ott - suured tänud tema järjekindlale toetusele ja kindlale rahulikkusele!

Olen inspireerunud - see teema ühendab hämmastaval kombel mitmeid jupikesi siit ja sealt - näiteks kunagi "lampi" leitud lehe - - mida loob varem muusiku ja advokaadina tegutsenud merearmastaja Michael Stocker - oleme paar aastat olnud kirjavahetuses ning seeläbi olen teemaga juba ka veidike enne kokku puutunud.
Nüüd on asjaga tegelemiseks isegi veel rohkem põhjust - Euroopa Liit on vastu võtnud uue Meredirektiivi, mis näeb ette, et 2012 aasta suveks on Eestilgi vaja teada sellest, mis toimub meie vete helimaastikel - edaspidi on vaja välja töötada tegevuskava ning jõuda viimaks "hea keskkonnaseisundini" :)

Praeguse seisuga pole Eestis ühtegi institutsiooni, mis tegeleks konkreetselt helide uurimisega. Mulle on teadmata, kas meie sõjaväel võib olla vastavat tehnikat, et veealuseid helisid kuidagi kuulata...

Unistan, et kuidagi juhtub see, et ükspäev on meil "sosinal" liikuv purjekas, millega saaks kuulata kalasid, hüljeseid ja mööduvaid laevu...
Selle jaoks oleks vaja saada pädevaks, näiteks võtta osa USA-s Michaeli poolt teostatavates projektides - leida Eesti poolne toetus, finantsid... - paik, kuhu minna, on juba olemas!

Unistused tuleb tõeks elada,
sellepärast ma need siia kirja panengi!

When You Love

When I realize that I love myself,
nothing in the world can put me down anymore.

And this is how I know now that even if there are so many things to do for the school and I don't know how it will all end up happening, I will be just fine - just being sure of that I love myself. No matter what happens.

06 May 2010

merearmastus. Salme uurib Nord Streami.

merel olen ma.
on öö.
sõidame kodu poole.
käisime kaugeimas idapoolses punktis, vene ja soome piiri ääres ja nüüd on vöör Tallinna poole seatud. hommikul kuueks peaksime kohal olema.

käisin saunas.
nii hea.

kõik on toidetud. 14 hinge.

mulle meeldib see tunne, mis on praegu.
kõik on kodune ja natuke loksuv ja see sobib mulle.
mootorimürast pääsemist küll ootan,
kuid kuulan mööda.
vaimu see ei sega.

merel olles saab merest üha rohkem aimu.
ja neist inimestest, kes siin on ja käivad.
Eesti peale pole neid palju.

muusika tuleb minu arvutist ja mehhaanik lubas öise tormi tulemise puhul pottide-pannide lendamise mittelendamise eest vastutada.
noad panin kappi.
siin hoiavad potte pliidil metalltoed.
külmkapil on haak.
sahtlitel riivid.

päikeseloojang oli vaimustav ning vaade Suursaarele, kaljusele Vene riigile kuuluvale imelisele maajupile, meenutas 3 aasta tagust reisi Arandal. ilm sarnane, peegel-loksuv värviline loojang, palju värve. kõik värvid ümberringi.
see saar on kõrguste vahega 0-175m. 5 järve. üks geoloog on seal käinud. graniit puha.
igatsen sinna kord minna.
maailm ootab vabaks saamist.

vene poolt sõidab palju kaubalaevu. välismaiste ja vene nimedega. eemalt paistavad nad nagu purjekad, valge kaptenisillaga. tegelikult on pika madala ninaotsaga urisevad ja tossavad aluse, mis on kauba raskuse all veepiirile lähedale vajunud.
palju liiklust on Soome lahes tõesti.
ärevus on õhus selle Nord Streami pärast.
päeval kuulsime plahvatusigi. neid oli kehas tunda. ometi ei suutnud lokeerida alust, mis neid tekitas.
heli levib vees ju igasse suunda 5 korda paremini kui õhus.

ma unistan helide uurimisest vees.
sel alal saab praegu olla algataja ja lumesahk.
pädevus ja finants puuduvad esialgu.
loomise võimalus!

head ööd.
armastan inimestele süüa teha ning paljude kartulite koorimise käigus meelel lasta rahuneda.

03 May 2010

Highlighted flashback to Caravan Life in Mexico 2009



Safe trevels all mates!


Boats come to me

This is a sight to a sailing boat Kajsamoor, built on 1939, 24,8m long. She is now just here in the marina "Lennusadam", 7 minutes walking from my home.

Luckily I had a contact to go there and to be part of a small trip to the Tallinn bay. I ask from myself "Why do I feel so at home there on the boat though I have never been on this one...?" Watching the running rigging and standing rigging...and remembering the words in English more than in Estonia... I just wonder. I talk to strangers, I observe, learn and notice. Sea-life. Accordion and singing women.
Setting sun.

A new song came to be today. Words are from Mihkel. And as I found them I knew that a song comes out from them. Now it is here, in the internet already. Fast world. Gratitude. Tänan.

Minu unistus on saada sõbraks Mäe Tõnniga.
Täna ma palusin seda myspace's. Ta nõustus.
Et oskaks ma ühel päeval tekitada inimestesse sellist head tunnet,
millist tema minus tekitada oskab oma loominguga.
Sellepärast ma tean, et looming on väljendamiseks.
Loomine on me pärisosa.

Öösel, nüüd,
kaob aeg ajatusse ning mu peos on igavik.
Tundmatud numbrid, muusika kõrvus.
Õppimine sellest, mis kunagi on öeldud, tehtud ja maailmasse jagatud.
Vast kõike ei mäletata.
Isegi ju unustan ja unustame.
Ja andestus.
Nii on ruumi uue vastuvõtuks.
Uut tuleb kogu aeg.

23 April 2010

Probleem-Lahendus. Lõhe.

Ostsin Rimist lõhefileed. Läksin koju, vaatasin, et lõhnab imelikult ja suhu ei taha panna.
Nüüd tuli hetk, et helistada ja küsida, kas on midagi asjaga teha....
ja mu kõne suunati...
jutustan oma lugu ja siis küsib naine:
"Kas sa oled Marian?!"
"Jah, olen küll!"
"Mina olen Kati."
(tema on mu onunaine)
Asi laheneb nagu imeväel ning homme saan kinkekaardi, et osta omale uus lõhe.

Sellised asjad toimuvad uues energias siis ;)

21 April 2010

SPRING comes Forth


"nourish the brain and the brain will nourish you"

The great times of Living~

All of a sudden a spring sprout out ! Within that flow and many more positive eruptions of energy have totally uplifted me.

I see the world with the new eyes again, this is wonderful, this is great - some might say awesome !

Sander with spring .

20 April 2010

Talks with the Mother Earth

Deep breath of the air close to the chestnut tree. This tree has said to be mine. I do not own Her. I do love Her. And when I appear in Lääne-Virumaa, my parents home, I go and say hello. She appears in my thoughts sometimes even when I am physically away from Her.

On this day I gather some springflowers, white and blue, and take them with me. Forest is calling. There is an Oak-tree there, which is another good friend of mine. He has heard stories from my heart, tears and joys and silence.
I look at the evening sun through the trees, my back leaning towards the Oak.
My sight goes down and seemingly still ground appeares to be moving, growing and living! A little black spider is crawling on the leaves of the last year. She makes fast movement, but has time to stop and look around too. There is a shadow with her. And this shadow changes its shape as the spider is moving. Shadow has many shapes and some of them do not look like a spider at all! What a sun and what a spider - together they give life to another creature - the Shadow! And this one is so unpredictable and certain at the same time!

I go, towards the stone which came into my mind now. I found this stone one time, walking in the forest. It was buried under the moss. There are patterns on this stone and I hear stories of the big travel from the North from Her. She is calm and old and has some secrets with Her.
I find her, though She is under the moss again.
Without really thinking I know that those flowers I am carrying with me, are meant to put on the stone, into the concavity. I make pattern with them. 9 flowers, 5 blue and 4 white ones + 5 leaves.

My wish is to live like the Nature - following the rythm, being gentle and firm, being creative and still, being eternal and mysterious and so simple.
Everything what happens in the nature, happens with ease and joy and glory.
Human mind makes an effort to describe and understand it. Long mathematical equations and models are created in order to prove it and talk about it.
But the thing we are talking about, is so simple!
Maybe that is why we cannot crasp it - we are usually not so simple and there is not so much silence in us.... The Nature talks to us through our own voice. That is why it is hard to recognize it.

I saygoodbye and go straight to the Chestnut - I am carrying a message from the Oak and from the Stone to Her. I put my forehead against the tree and this is how the message is given. I do not know much about it, but I feel like I can be the messenger - who can walk and move and transfer.
A Birch in the middle of the garden is waiting to hear greetings too...

Mother Nature likes us to walk on Her, to touch and to admire and to get inspired. She is infinite support, peace and love.

Listen to the birds, singing their songs of joy. They love to wake up every morning - to cheer up the day, to enjoy the fresh air and the rising of the Sun. The life on Earth is as simple as that.

Loodu sees.

15 April 2010

Päevade Valgus ja Mere Algus

Ülekolmapäevased hommikud ei allu minu kontrollile - nimelt on mul siis toimumas eesti keele väljendusõpetuse loeng, kuid juba kolmandat korda ei jõua ma sinna. Mitte et ma ei tahaks... Tahan küll, äratuskell varmalt helisemas! Seekord läksin suisa üsna vara magama ja valmistusin usinalt kooli minema. Tegin silmad lahti 6:06.
7:57 ärkasin ehmatusega üles ja taipasin, et endalegi teadmata oli kaotanud teadvuse taas ning lihtsalt taaskord sisse maganud.

Kuid tunne oli hoopis rõõmus - heh, võin ju siis merele minna! Nimelt, TTÜ uurimislaev Salme oli suundumas teisele merereisile. Minu jaoks esimesele.
Ega palju aega enam jäänud polnudki, 9:00 pidi väljasõit olema.

Pesin ja riietusin ja hüppasin siis ratta selga, et kusagilt kärmelt leida sidruneid - sel päeval otsustasin alustada kevadpuhastust Limonaadidieediga - sidrun, vahtrasiirup ja cayenne pipar vee sees. Kuu loomise aeg.

Hommikune Kalamaja - mmm! Tänavate vahel vuhiseda, lindude laul kõrvus ja kerge meel sees - see on midagi kevaderilist! Turult leidsingi kohe sidruneid. Küll on turg ikka tore värk - avatud juba vara ja saab otse rattaga ligi minna ja sidrunid kotti laduda!

Lennusadamasse seadsin lenksud ja kohale ma jõudsingi - suisa 15 minutit enne väljumist.
Mereleminemise tunne - see on omamoodi ja erakordne adumine, milles on lapselikku põnevust ja vabaduse tuult. Sain Salme otsi lahti anda kai pealt kui Salme teise kai äärde liikus, et mereuuringute poi raskused mõne aja pärast peale võtta.
Mõni aeg juhtus olema umbes 2h hiljem. Lõpuks saime ikka merele. Päikesepaistesse ja õrnalt loksuvasse sinisusesse. Silmapiir ja õhusoolasus on nii maitsvad!

Liine sai sirgeks lapata ja mõista, kuis need 400m õigesti paigutada, et vette saaks 2 raskust (ankruks) ja poi nende vahel vee peal. Saime hakkama!

Trenn tuli mul ära jätta, sest merelt ei saanud nii vara sugugi tagasi. Seda oli korraks raske teha, just teiste pärast. Aga enda pärast ei olnud raske. Ja niimoodi see juhtuski. Kevad ka.

Merel õppejõu U. Lipsuga suheldes sain küsida seda, mis mind huvitas ning sain ka inspireerivaid vastuseid - Eestil on just lähenemas aeg, kui tuleb hakata tegema müra uuringuid meres! Tehes referaati sel samal teemal - müra mõju mereelustikule - hakkasin aduma, et see valdkond ühendab imeliselt muusika ja mere ja looduse - võibolla saab just teemaks, millega mul tekib võimalus tegeleda.
Praegu puuduvad Eestis vastavasisulised uuringud peaaegu täielikult, pole ka kompetentsi. Niiet vast siis saab tarkust koguma minna kuhugi - vast Californiassegi? :)
Unistustel on hea lennata lasta ning loota, et kõik asjad langevad oma õigele kohale ja koorubki tasa välja see, mis on vajalik tegemine.

Paastu teine päev on toimumas.
Ökopoest sidruneid ostes ja kõike seda külluslikku ja tervislikku toitu nähes hakkas mõte küll tööle, mida sellest ja tollest teha saaks..., kuid Telliskivi Loomelinnaku vanamööbli poest läbi astudes ja sealt 2 klaverit avastades ning oma sõrmedel lipata lastes ununes ka kõhutühjus ja tuli meelde hoopis see, kui vaimustav on improviseerida ning klaverihelisid kuulda!
Tuleb vist ikka üks pill siia ka leida!
6000.- eest saab umbes sajandivanuseid Rootsi pille. Üks neist oli peaaegu hääles isegi!

Kevad, kevad, kevad.
Mis muud, kui hingata.

06 April 2010

"Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter

Nüüd ma tean, mis on selles elus mulle rõõmustamist meenutanud - see on seesama raamat, Pollyanna!

Täna läksin mingi imeliku sunni ajel TTÜ raamatukokku, kõige kõrgemale korrusele ning kõndisin otsejoones selle ühe raamaturiiuli poole, vaadates otsiva pilguga ringi. Üks hääl mus ütles, et ma ei peaks ühtki juturaamatut laenutama, sest mul on vaja hoopis referaati kirjutada. Aga siis ma ikkagi võtsin riiulist välja ühe mittemidagiütlevate pruunide kaantega raamatu ning sisse vaadates nägin, et värvilisel peidetud esilehel on kirjas "Pollyanna". Teadsin kohe, et olen seda raamatut lugenud, kuid ei mäletanud täpselt, millest seal juttu oli. Ometi võtsin raamatu endaga kaasa. Haarasin hooga pihku ka ühe teise põnevana tunduva raamatu ning suundusin laenutama. Selgus, et seda teist raamatut ei saanudki ma võtta, sest talle oli punane ring peale kleebitud - see tähendab "kohal kasutamiseks". "Hea küll siis, võtan Pollyanna."
Juba trollis kesklinna poole sõites hakkasin seda raamatut lugema ning taipasin, kuidas see meenutab mu lapsepõlve muinasreaalsust, milles elasin ning mis siiamaani on minu sees erinevatel hetkedel hingamas.

Praegu on öö, uue päeva algus nii lähedal. See raamat saigi läbi loetud.
Minus on lõputut rõõmu ja näol kuivanud pisaraid.

See raamat on maagiline. Poole lugemise ajal helistas mulle Simona ning soovis minuga koos olemist, õdusat ja kerget jagamist, oma nõrkadel hetkedel toetuse leidmist. Mina sain talle rääkida sellest raamatust, mida loen... ja muustki.. ning sõbral hakkas parem. Ta ütles, et olen imeline, et niimoodi suudan teha.

Nüüd ma tean, miks niimoodi on.
See on sellepärast,
et Pollyanna raamat meenutas mulle,
et maailmas on nii palju asju, mille üle rõõmu tunda!
See on see, mille pärast otsustasin naeratama ja naerma hakata, teadlikult ja tugevalt - juba siis kui olin alles õige noor!
See salajane teadmine on minus elanud oma elu, mind muudkui edasi juhtides ja inimesi ning olukordi mu teele juhatades.
Just sellepärast olen siia praegu kirjutamas,
oma jõudu kokku kogumas,
julgedes olla aus
oma jagamises ja rõõmus.

Seljataha vaadates on paremini näha need teeviidad, mis on juhatanud mind siia, kus ma praegu olen. Uskumatult imeline on saada vanemaks ning koguda seda pilku, mis näeb ning ühendusi loob! Selgemaks saab see, mis on mu elu, selle kulgemise suund, vool ja olemus.
Jagamine ja rõõm, ausus ja ühendus.

Olen üdini õnnelik,
et saan jagada seda hetke
tippides musti tähti valgele ekraanile.
Mu süda pakatab sellest tundest.
Ja tean,
et jõuan selle referaadigi tehtud.
Sest minu sees elab rõõm.

Seesama, mille tundsin ära, kui Nõo ühikas toakaaslastega masenduse pärast koolist puududes hakkasin sisemiselt naerma kui nutsime oma kurva saatuse üle - sain aru, et tegelikult olen õnnelik. See teadmine tuli minu sisse kui kevadõhk, pannes unustama selle, mille olin välja mõelnud enese pimeduses.
Küll on ikka kõik hästi paigas siin elus!

Poisid ja tüdrukud, mehed ja naised - lugege seda raamatut, kui on tunnet ja julgust. See võib muuta teie elu!
"Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter
Kes inglise keelt mõikab, saab lugeda:

Jah, head sõbrad, küll on hea, et ma saan kõndida ja kohtuda teiega sel teel!


I must say it out in English too - I have found the one book I read in my childhood - "Pollyanna" by Eleanor H. Porter - which helped me to find what I had to find, what has lead me to you, to the adventures, to the writing and to the joy of living.

Today I took this book from a library - just by an "accident". And now, when I just finished reading it, I am so touched - in tears and in happyness!

Maybe you want to stop writing essays, doing homework, cleaning home, thinking about the worries and work - and remind yourself - how you want to live and how there is so much joy in this life - it is just there for you to see it!

You can even read this book in the internet!:

Friends, you have brought me so much joy  -  and you do bring it now too! I have you all in my heart and until I can walk, we will meet on the road!

05 April 2010

Treeningud Tartus


Tartus teevad trenni!

~On dünaamika aeg~



MARIANi tund

Tasakaal, paindlikkus, soojus, kergus - energia liigub, loob ja lehvitab.
Lihtsad ja tõhusad harjutused, mis sobivad igale kehale ja meelele.

Kus? - Jõe tn. 5, Tallinn, AlohaLei Tervisekeskus, II korrus
Kolmapäeviti 17:17
Mis kaasa? - matike ja kerged riided
Mitu raha? - 80.-

Küsimused? - marianhiire @
52 60906
Taust -

What do I like tonight?

Here are layers of sight. 
Light and Shadows.
Patterns of Eternity.
Fractals of the Nature.

Seen in

03 April 2010

The Day What Ran Its Course

Keys of my home were left under the snowdrops. One small girl from the house found them. My neighbour called me and asked if I have lost my keys.
"They were supposed to be there, my friends left them there."
"I will take them and be at home when you come."
"All right."

I am coming, through a hole on the fence of other-street-neighbours-house-garden. I try not to step on the islands of snow - so there will be no trace. I succeed. Drops of water dripping on me from the trees. It is dark. It is wet.
And then, when I want to leap over the last snow-island, I feel I am sinking into the mud, so I make a quick step.... and end up leaving a mark on the snow. I hope it melts away from the morning.

There is a plastic bag hanging on the door and there is a note inside the bag: "Our daughter found keys under the snowdrops. Pearl is the keyholder. If you want them, call...."

I got the keys and this is the end of this adventure.

Movie "Limits of Control" was the last one I saw. A friend who is studying animation took me with her to see this piece of art behind the locked doors and authorized entry only... - rooms of Estonian Academy of Arts. Nighttime.
It was great.
If you have enough peace in your mind, you might find it pleasurable.

31 March 2010


Meie elu koosneb väikestest asjadest.
Igaüks neist mõjutab Sind sinna- ja tännapoole.
Ja oled ka hoopis jälgija, kes näeb neid mänge ning võib osata jääda rahulikuks ka kõige suuremas tormis.

Ometi need pisiasjad tulevad ellu igaüks oma põhjusega ning sedapidi vaadates on nad vormi võtnud vormitused, oma erilise rolliga.

Praegu tuli minu juurde üks kiri keskkonnakeemia õppejõult, kes teatas, et minu tehtud referaat ja ettekanne meeldis talle nii väga, et paneb mulle "4"-ja asemel hoopis "5"-e. Kuigi juba enne seda oli ta nõustunud mulle vaid referaati ära tehes panema kirja Tartu Ülikoolis sooritatud keskkonnakeemia aine hinde, milleks oli "4".
Üks ootamatu ja pisike ime,
mis astus sisse siia hetke ning meenutab, et see, mis praegu on valitud teha,
on toetatud ja vajalik.

On palju katsumusi küll panna end tegema asju, mida annavad ette õppejõud, igaüks oma ainet silmas pidades. Ja neid aineid on mul 10 praegu. Peamine on vast taibata, et nende mulle antud ülesanded on tegelikult mu enda valitud ülesanded ja tegemised ning teenivad kogu maailma mu enese läbi. Maisus on vaimne.

Salasoovidest saab tegelikkus.
Tuleb sättida paika eesmärgid ning siis liikuda sel teel, mäletades ja unustades.
"Ja vahel ma tunnen, et kõik on võimalik..."

30 March 2010



Hey dear Friend
Please be who you are
Please say what you want
From the heart

I don't hear lies
I don't see ties
All I know
Is here and now

There's time to grow
There's time to bow
There's time to bloom
There's time to mourn

Find, find, find what you need
Blind, blind, blind - you will see


(Inspired from a talk with Belgian bagpipe man Stefan Timmermans,
written on my way home on the street while walking.
It is a song.)


29 March 2010

Vee hääl ta teel katuselt tänavale. Tilkumine ja solin ja kanalisatsiooniaugud.
"Kraaaaaks!" hõikab vares oma lennul üle mu pea.
Tuvid tõusevad lendu jättes pooleli nokatäie vee rüüpamise loigust. "Sahhhh!"

Tee viib Kalamajja, mööda majadest, kus inimeste elud sees. Mööda rõdust, kus vints, et lapsevankrit neljandalt korruselt otse alla hiivata. Mööda tühermaast, mille servas on kilekottidesse pakitud nõukogude aegsed meestetrussikud (serv äratuntava õmblusega). Mööda saunast, mille ette on pargitud kõige ägedamad autod, lincoln'id, mersud ja bemmid koos audidega, tihti tumedatoonilised.

Kella keerati nii, et nüüd on ikkagi veel valge. Üks tund õhtule juurde on palju, on taju muutev, on rõõmsust toov. Isegi kell seitse võib nüüd näha taevas sinakas-valget hallust ja on aimata, et kusagil sätib Päike end madalamale, kuid loojumiseni on jäänud veel aega.

On lõhn, mis paneb vahest peatuma - nii magus ja maitsev ja värviline möödunud kevadete tulemise mälestustest ja kõigest, mis on seekord uus, tundmatu ja imeline.
Pilk ilmale on kevadeti hoopis erisugune. See näeb hetki tähenduse ja kergusega, muinasjutu ja helgusega ning on tuule suuna otsimine, seades oma purjed ja paadinina sinnapoole, kuhu kutsub süda.

Tuppa paistab päikest ja akna all hakkab varsti muru nägema.
Seemned on potti pistmiseks valmis.
Referaadid ja esseed, ettekanded ja ülesanded - neid on võimalus teha selle tuleva kevade sees.
Mis muud, kui võimalus see - keskenduda, avarduda ja inspireeruda~

13 March 2010

Sky of Honey

Long and low - this is the sun I see laying over Tallinn. One seagull on top of the building. He looks like Jonathan.
I am in the Estonian National Library. Again I feel honored. All the flags of different Estonian counties are hanging there on the row. Walls and stairs are made out of limestone. Our national stone.

It is beautiful my sisters and brothers!
I am reading a fantasy-tale and gives me sparks to live and walk around and see magic around.
A research about organometallic chemistry gives me understanding about a small area of the world described by science.
Spirit and science are meant to walk hand in hand. Left and right sides of our brain are there to be used. Balance is the key. Balance is the line in between black and white in the sign of Tao. This line is everywhere. It is invisible, yet so noticeable. It is something what makes our existence possible here.

Living here on the land of long winter and low sun I am learning how much we rely on the Sun and how important it is in our lives. Sun gives me so much light and strength and courage to live and smile and accept what I am here to do. To see the balance inside people's lives - 
loud and forgetful nightclubs
singing krishna-people on the streets
old men reading newspapers in the library
people doing their works behind computers
flying birds
melting snow
a call from a friend to start a new project
taks to write an essey
new place to move
puzzle to put together on the research vessel
tree to touch

It is all here.
And there,
with you.
I lost one of my earrings I got from Mexico. On the same evening I visited a Mexican-cafe and maybe it got lost there. New ones can now come and oh how happy have I been wearing this beautiful work of whitcholes people. Gracias!

05 March 2010

Sooda ja Sidrunimahl / Baking Soda and Lemonjuice

Soovid soodsat šampooni?
Tüdinenud ohtlikest lisaainetest, SLS (sodiumlaurethsulphate)'st, parabeenidest ja pidevast peilimisest?

lahendusi on!

Proovisin omal nahal ja juustel järgi sellise triki:
  • 1 tl söögisoodat (NaHCO3) + 1 klaas vett - segada ja pähe valada, niiet igale poole jõuaks, mõjuda lasta sutike
  • poole sidruni mahl + juurde sorts vett - ka ühtlaselt mööda juukseid laiali jaotada - oodata üks hetk
Minul on küll nii, et juuksed on puhtad, peanahk pole ärritunud ja ei sügele,
nagu oleks mingi hea šampooniga pesnud.

Nüüd siis võib oma arusaamad üle vaadata ja järgi katsetada, kas Sulle selline variant sobib! Soodat saab seitsme krooni eest terve suure paki (soovitav on seda vannituppa mitte seisma jätta, kuna ta imab niiskust endasse) ja sidrunit leiab ka.
Arvan, et sidruni asemel võib kasutada ka lahjendatud õunaäädikat - ka happelise mõjuga.


Tagasiside on oodatud ning kui teisigi häid võimalusi, jagage!
(muna ja leivavedelik on ka variandid näiteks:)


You want to know how to wash your head without any shampoo and still get it clean?
I have one option to share:

  • 1 teaspoon of Baking Soda (NaHCO3)
  • 1 glass of warm water 
  • mix them together and spread all over your scalp and hair - wait for a bit
  • 1/2 lemon - press juice out of it and add a bit of water
  • spread it all over your hair and scalp again - wait for a moment
Here you are,
nice and clean!

You can also try apple-vinegar instead of lemon juice. Just put more water, cause it is a bit more acid. Regular vinegar can probably be used too, you just need much more water!

Tip! - don't leave baking soda into the bathroom - it gathers water into itself...

No LSL's, parabens and artificial colours or incenses - I like it and I am so glad that it works!

Try it out on your own and let me know how it goes!

Maybe there are other solutions as well - share them!

25 February 2010

Ninas on kevadelõhna ja kõrgete hangede tagant paistab päike läbi värske taeva, mis pole ammu nii palju valgust endast läbi lasknud.

Mõõtsime koolis gamma-kiirgust kaaliumkloriidis (KCl) - selles on looduslikult selline isotoop nagu K-40 ja täitsa kiirgab! Lisaks sellele on ilmne, et ka tuletõrjeandurid on päris aktiivsed - isotoop Ameriitsium 241 (Am-241) tekitab alfa ja gammakiirgust - - pole vist vaja palju muretseda, kuna looduslik kiirgusfoon on täitsa pidevalt ka olemas, eriti kui diktüoneema klindi peal elutseda. Kuigi me õppejõud teatas, et tema kasutab oma magamistoas siiski optilist suitsuandurit, milles ei kasutata radioaktiivset ainet.

Põnev on selliste asjade kohta teada saada küll!
Lisaks tegin kindlaks, et Simona Chanel'i päikeseprillid tõepoolest kaitsevad ka UV-kiirguse eest ning lisaks taandavad natuke ka teisi lainepikkusi, välja arvatud punase värvi piirkonnas asuvaid. Pilt muutub selgemaks läbi nende vaadates.
Katse viisime läbi Berülliumi hõõglambi abil, mis kiirgab ka UV-kiirgust ning valgust püüdis kinni arvutiga ühendatud spektromeeter. Valgusallika ja mõõtja vahele panime prillid ning nägime, kuidas spekter muutus! UV-piirkonnas, ehk siis alla 400 nm lainepikkusega lained püüdis päikeseprilli plastklaas kinni.

Vabadussamba jupp - elastne klaasitükke ning muud materjali sisaldav klaasidega ümbritsetud ilus tšehhi meistrite loodud materjal seisab õppejõu kabinetis, et tema optilised omadused saaksid uuritud ning täpsustatud, et korraldada uus ja toimiv valgustus Vabaduse Väljakul paiknevale sõjaristile. Tõtt-öelda oli see materjalijupp ilma risti kujusse paigutamata vägagi põnev tükike, ilus ja paljut sisaldav.
Samas, seal väljakul, suure ja kandilise sõdimist tähistava sümbolina tekitab ta pigem natuke õudust ja kalkust kui rõõmu vabaduse üle. Ju ta siis peegeldab meie rahva ühisteadvust - end kunagiste taplemiste kaudu identifitseeriv ning paindlikkust kandilisse vormi valav.
Aeg muudab ka kandilised kivid ümaraks.
Tuleb ainult oodata.

15 February 2010

White Metal Tiger


This year came to us in the middle of the night, 4 AM. We were in the forest like this tiger, snow high up to our knees. Marian, Sander and Mihkel formed a triangle.
New Moon.
Wishes and Prayers.

This year will bring simplicity and wisdom, community and solitude.
Things which cannot be told with words, are coming into the presence. Open your heart.

I, born also on the year of the tiger, feel empowered and in balance. I am glad that it happening now.

People from the world, friends I have met on the road - some of you have reached me just now and I feel so grateful and inspired by this. The world really is round and just as small as wide are our minds.
I am studying about non-linear and quantum physics and it reminds me that
how we think about the things matters.
This creates the reality.
This is the choice.
And the smallest particle chooses its path and turn just according to the thought. Until we do not decide, there are all the options available. 
We think all the time - we choose all the time.
Be concious about it.
Bring your awareness here and be responsible of your life.

Exercise of Communication

Steps on the planet Earth