15 February 2009


As I just recieved a reminder to be more grounded in my writing, I might as well share the simple and daily things which I am more or less use to see in my life now. Around me.

Heh. Now a handful of people from the caravan just got into the town. We have a purple rainbow bus, which is carrying our excess stuff around when we are riding with the horses and we hop on it when we go with a group somewhere, usually into the town...

Now we are in Zongolica, small place in between the mountains. Last movement was without horses because they stayed on a better potrero (grassground) which is 1,5 hours back from us now. This is how we move - we find another place for camping and then we try to find a nice grass for the 34 horses we have now. It is hard sometimes here, because potreros are not so big and horses eat a lot! And to have a 34 horses alltogether is a lot around here.

Mountains. Yeah, we walked on the mountainroad yesterday. Sun was just so warm and intense, but it is not bothering me somehow anymore. I enjoy it. I collect it as a lizard. Nights are quite chilly sometimes, specially now, when we are higher. I even felt the height in my ears while walking higher...

Stones. We went into a cave. Bats were on the ceiling. It was a bit scary in the beginning - just a big hole in the stonewall, in the mountain, and it goes deeper and deeper. Manik (US) was carrying the didgeridoo. Some flashlights with us. I forget mine - I just didn't have this realization to take it with me.., not so much experience with the caves so far in my life...
So, there we were, in the vomb of the Mother Earth. We continued the discovery. Mika, a 6-year-old boy walking in front of everybody - he is like Huck Finn - so interested in the world around, so wise! We had to hold him back in case of sudden holes in the cavefloor.
Fear - I saw it down there. Then I realized that I don't have to be afraid of something which can be there. Everything can be there! What has to happen will happen.
Silence. We managed to turn off the lights and to close our mouths. This silence is strong. It is like a black hole. Somehow people are not feeling so comfortable when they have to be in silence for a long time.
Manik started to play didgeridoo. I listened for a while, listened to this big sound which came out, reflecting on the walls. I started to sing. Alexandra (US) and Akasha (England) and other girls joined. This was beautiful. Strong. Intuitional.
The cave continued into the deepness. We didn't have the equipment to go down.
One moment we all just felt that it is time to go out. Enough. Caves have their own and intense character.

On the way down outside I saw a stone. I took it with me. I put the silence of the cave inside there to be a reminder and a peace-holder for me. This kind of stone you cannot find in Estonia. It is black. It is thick and heavy. It is edgy.
The Stone of Silence.

Hey, we are in the rainforest! I learned this in the university and here I am. In the middle of those beautiful big-leefed and colourful plants. Lizards are passing by. Bugs are big. And crasshoppers and other friends are singing in the nights so loud. It is a symphony really!

I am learning how to see through the mists and clouds of people's emotions, words and moods - then I can see the nature, feel the wind, sense the stars, clean myself in the river, build a sacred space, talk less and choose the words carefully.

We speak about being ecological. We argue about eating sugar or not. We are using reusable bags when we go to buy food. We try to find local food, bananas, oranges, nopal (cactus leaves) and sugar cane. Sugar cane is funny - you just chew it and your mouth is full of sweet liquid. And you need a knife to get rid of the first green layer outside.
I think it is possible to find more local food. It takes some trust and effort and manifestation. Intension:) Tortillas are quite easy to get. Sometimes local people come into our camp and they bring milk-sweet-drink, tortillas, fruits. We have recieved invitations to go and eat tamales (corn-bean-things, wrapped in banana leaves) - all of us, about 20 persons. People are kind really.
And when I was cooking one day on the fire for the family - they just made a circle around me, watching the every move I made. It is a lesson for me as well - not to feel disturbed. To feel supported instead. And when those women left, they hugged me. I felt lots of warmth and love.
Thank you.

I see a palm tree when I watch outside. Loud music is also there. It is sunday, market day. Streets are full of fruits and all kind of spices and dead chickens are hanging there on the hook. Clothes are colourful and cheap and low-quality. At the same time long-dark-haired old women are selling handycraft and blankets. People are walking barefoot. I like those old women the most - they wear local dresses, usually white with colourful embroidery and they walk barefoot. They have their small bags and blankets for the tortillas and they smile so kind.

Now I can see that this picture, movie around me is so rich and full of details. I can paint with the words. I thank Mihkel, who brought me on the ground with his questions. Next time I will take his letter again and read it and write here.

We are getting ready for the show which is on the friday. Intense practise:)
Tomorrow we will have a women circle.


14 February 2009

yks ja k6ik

we are one in harmony
my love is guiding me to share and spread the white wind of the changes,
friends on the Earth,
we are all connected
because it is like this.
there is the Life.
everything is in alignment.
I am here.
There are no distances.
I let myself to feel you all,
to feel this connection
we are happy to have.
I thank you.

03 February 2009

kirjaline kirjutus

T2na tulid mu teele Jumalanna kaardid, kuldsete servadega juhatusm2rgid, mida inglinaine Doreen Virtue on maailmale jaganud. See on kui aken ilma, mis on enese sees, mis on suur ja v2ike ja sosinal olemas.
Tuletasin endale meelde, et mul on eluline ja oluline olemine. Nii lihtne on end unustada, unustada oma olemasolu valguslik sisu ja pyhadus. K6ikv6imalikkus. Jah, olengi Jumalanna. Miks kyll on raske uskuda, et olengi k6ik, mis mulle endale ja maailmale vaja. Et olen t2pselt nii v6imas, kui enesel luban olla. Tean just seda, mida on vaja teada. Usaldus. Usaldus. Usaldus.
Kas usaldad ennast?
Kas usaldad, et oskad sel p2eval teha syya kolmekymnele inimesele, meeldida nende maitsele, toita neid?
Kas julged 8elda s6nu ringi, kus juttu on juba palju, on arvamisi, on tarkusi ja on teadmisi - kas usaldad, et Sinu tajumine on oluline maailma jagada?

Ma olen vaikinud rohkem. Olen tasasemalt 8elnud m6nele, mida arvan, mida n2en. Ringis r22kimine on vali. Ja vahest tuleb palju korrata, et oleks kuulda. Sest inimestel pole tihti kannatust olla kuulaja. Pole soovi oodata, vaid on vajadus teatavaks teha, mida neil 8elda on. Seda m2rgates ma pigem tahangi vaikida, kuid samas, kui s6nad tulevad mu suule, mis on ehk abiks k6igile, siis kas tuleks ikka tasa olla v6i lasta lahti need s6nad.
Kodumaal olles tajusin end teisiti. T6esti, lihtne on unustada enese olemasolu tugevus, kui ymber on palju valjuh22lseid mehi, kes juhivad ja tunduvad midagi teadvat.
Illusioonid. Ilusad. Illusioonid.

Yhel hetkel tuleb t6usta. Olla Naine. Olla. Avastada enda pehme voolavus ja kindel tulisus.


Kyll on ilus! Kui ka sel hommikul ei taha esimese hooga kohtuda k6ige l2rmiga, mis kolmekymnest inimesest vahest tekib, siis saab ikkagi panna jalga saapad ja astuda eemale, astuda m2rjale v2ljale, vihmatibade vahele ja vaadata yles m2kke. N2ha pilvede l2hedust, tunda 6hu niiskust. Eemal on hobused. Nad on priid. Ja nad seisid terve 88pimeduse aja sadavate piiskade m2rguses. Nii on. Ja nii nad on.


Suur 6ppimine on lasta asjadel juhtuda. Samal ajal teada ja m2rgata, millistest hetkedest kinni haarata ja kaasa minna. Maailm tundub duaalne. See on vahest nii v2sitav oma kummalises toimimises, et j22n seisma. Heidan suisa pikali ja vaatan. On tunne, et ei taha midagi teha. Liigutadagi mitte. See on kurb ja r66mus korraga. Just nii, nagu ilm on.
On ruum, kuhu mahub k6ik.
Ja yhel hetkel see tunne hajub, kui unen2gu hommikul.
2rkan tavalisse tajumisse, mis kyll kunagi enam sama olla ei saa.
Aeglaselt, kuid kindlalt sammun enese sisse, sammun maailma v2lja,
sellesse, mida s6nadega tunda ei saa.
Yhtegi astet vahele j2tta ei saa. Iga moment on omal kohal.

Vaja vaid 2rksust ja kohalolu.

Joondus ilma ja enesega.


Mis on isiklik ja mis on avalik? Kui elada kommuunis, siis kaob see piir. Ja kui olla lahti, siis polegi piire. On vaid tunde kysimus. Ma olen aus. Avastan ausust. Ja usaldan seda, mis tuleb hetkel, kui kirjutan. Vahest tean, mida s6nadesse panna, tuleb tuhin, mis loomingut loob. M6nikord kui plaan. Teinekord nii hetk, kui olla saab.
Mulle meeldib kirjutada.
K6ik s6brad, kelle kirjadele pole vastuseid saanud - jah, kirjutan siis, kui tuleb hetk. Ja kui ma pole kaua kirjutanud, siis mulle v6ib ikka kirjutada, justkui meeldetuletuseks. Sest meel vahest unustab. Syda ent mitte.
S6natult olen olemas. Olen olemas neile, kelle jaoks olen olemas.


Vend on k6rval ja me eestikeel k6lab metsiku Mehhiko sygavuses. Ma isegi ei tea enam t2pselt kus ma olen. Neid kohti pole kaardil.
Hobur2nnutee 22res oli v2ike kohake, kus elas p2rismaalaste pere, kel oma palvemaja ja surnuaed, kus taimed haudadest v2lja kasvasid. Nii siirad silmad. Nii pyha elu.
Vaatasin ja naeratasin.
Mu sees on t2nulikkus, et seda olen kohata saanud.

Mida soovite lugeda? Mis on huvitav?
Mul on vaja vaadata k6rvalt enese elu, siis tean, mida 8elda.


Pikk jutt olgu lyhike. T2nan.


Steps on the planet Earth