30 September 2009


World COMES together ~ One way or another ~ World COMES together



27 September 2009

In the Matrix

One evening you wake up and just feel that there is always something more happening than your mind can crasp in the regular awake mode. I just knew that I have to watch the movie "Matrix" again. It was lost in the house but my strong intention brought it out visible for me.

I saw something I hadn't seen there before. It was almost like I saw it for the first time. So many details and almost all the sentences have some meaning, if you dig into them.
As Native American's understand in their tradition that words should be used with caution and awareness, cause the words create the reality, our science is now also realizing that. "What the bleep do we know?" goes down the rabbithole pretty well. It is just amazing to realize that white people have killed red people just because they thought that they are primitive and stupid and on the way... and now we are discovering the truths they knew for such a long time..., we have almost killed them and now some of us are trying to find what is still left from their wisdom.
We are all same people, people of the Earth.
It is time to listen and be silent, to observe and open your heart - if we stop our mind's bla-bla, only then we can see that there is more in the world, there are all those other minds around us.. and even there are something, which can be mindless, it can excist without thinking... it is the heartbeat of the Universe. Talking to us without words. Only our Hearts can understand that. And this requires to listen to your Heart.

I have my last days in Canada. It is all so ripe here. I meet with people I am supposed to meet. I inspire them and I get inspired. I feel Family. It is becoming more and more visible. Time is sorting things out - some people come and go and be somewhere there, maybe time will bring them closer later on. Other people come and stay in the hearts. With them there is this easy and light connection which will be strong even when no words are being used, no letters exchanged. And when comes time to meet again, there is understanding.

Earthdance took place here, Victoria, yesterday. About 500 people held their hands and moved in spiral, meeting with each other through movement and shared joy. Throughout all the event it was so beautiful to see those flexible and beautiful souls dancing, laughing, moving, standing, learning from each other and living through their inner struggles. It is a protective space when people with raising awareness gather together. It is easy to find friends amongst those people.
My inner child got really excited about facepaintings and so I sat down there, in front of this beautiful sunshiny woman who appeared to know me as a boatwoman (we stepped by from their family's house in Sidney, while the boat was there, getting ready to sail, her husband is a woodworker and gave us some good tips!). I became a Forest Woman, feeling magical and so happy that I can allow myself to play!

When I walked on the streets today, people said hello to me, just because I looked into their eyes.
I went to a mission too. I decided to give the last money I have to a friend, who is making native flutes. I felt that this has to happen that I will take on of them with me. I tried them out, I felt how different they all are, how they heal through the spirit of the plant and a flutemaker.
My flute is like a branch. It is from Rivendell, a healing place in Vancouver Island. Grandmother Maple donated those branches to the flutemaker Craig, so the wisdom and healing can be alive, while the tree is dead in her primal existence.
All this story vibrated along with me and those holes felt so right under my fingers.
I had carried US dollars with me from Estonia. As I went to look around to find a exchange rate for those, I met with a woman who appears to be a musician in a great local band, playing Serbian music, we had a nice talk :) And as it all flowed so well and beautiful, I just knew it is right to support this friend and to support my sould with this music which can come out now! Goodbye dollars, from US and Canada! Graig gave 20 Canadian ones back to me, just because God told him to do so. You cannot argue with those things really!
His page -

As I walked home, being so happy and also tired, this guy thanked me for my beautiful smile. He asked if he could follow me home, would I keep him?
I said I do not have home. He said that he doesn't either.
I continued walking...and thinking....that why was I still afraid a bit? Why couldn't I go and just speak with him, listen to his story and stay free too, just acting with love and compassion.
Well, I guess there is more to learn about not being afraid and listening to the moments. I will wait for the next time and then I will do it! Face this fear and go and talk with a total stranger, give him/her some unconditional love.

Cause this is all we ever need.

Go and love a stranger!
This stranger can be your next best friend!

23 September 2009

The Next Message... where you are when you hear the next message.
Whenever you are ready you'll hear the next message.
The interesting thing is there is always a next message and it's always available to you.
That's a hard one!
The handwriting is always on the wall saying:

Magic Theatre
For Madmen Only
Price of Admission:
Your Mind

Always there, question is:
Can you see it?

by Ram Dass


What is happening with me is Remembering.
I wake into the world so unknow and jet so known. It is like smelling something which brings you feelings that you know this smell, but you do not remember how you know that and you do not remember where was it... But you Remeber. You recognize. And it feels like the Whole World is there, right now, in this very breath, in this moment of smelling the night, the forest and the starts. Big Dipper is up there with the Northern Star. And all your friends are all at once in your Heart. All the feelings are so big and true. And at the same time you are so alone and so empty. Just a space. Just a smeller. Just a wind. This White Wind I am now.


I love you.
I love the space and empty fullness I crasp just now, in this rooted moment, where it doesn't matter where I am. It doesn't matter what language I use. It is all one. Light is One. I am Light. My love is all love. I dissapear. You are love. We are the same love. As much as I see you, you see me.

Once you follow yourself, you find that there is no you anymore.

There is just Light on the Path.


16 September 2009

Visual moments of this Summer

Now when the days give us more rain again in here, Victoria BC, 
it is great to look back to the summer. 
It also means saying goodbye to lots of people and places. 
Lessons of letting go.

This is a brief glance here, more photos will be somewhere soon enough. 

Fire is burning in the fireplace and tea is smelling good...

M6ned pildihetked sellest suvest.
Nyyd kui p2evades on rohkem vihma ja s6brad asuvad r2nnuteile, on minuni j6udnud j22dvustused, mida saan teiega jagada.

Vast tuleb neid rohkemgi n2htavale m6ne aja p2rast.

Kaminas on tuli ja tee aurab maitsvalt...


So, this is the trip to Sidney, Freya's last time without masts. Hilary and Ty are up there and I was just enjoying it all. / Retk Sidney'sse, Freya viimne teekond ilma mastideta. Hilary ja Ty seal jutustamas ja mus on ilmselge r66m.
August 2009, BC, Canada

Skipper. Tacking against the wind out from Ganges Bay on our first sailing trip from Salt Spring to Galiano. / Tyyrinaine. Pautisime vastutuult saarte vahel. Treening.
September 2009

All 3 sails up there. Jib. Fore. Main.
K6ik kolm purje. (eestikeelsed s6nad mul veel 6ppimata..:)

While I was turning the wheel, guys were working with lines. We had a nice heel too!
Jason, Oliver, Dylan.
Siis kui ma tyyrisin, olid poisid otsadega tegelemas. Kreen oli vahel p2ris kena!

Towards the Dreams
Unistuste Poole

Maagiline Maailm on Merel.
T2nan Ilma, et see k6ik on juhtunud minuga.

You are Loved

15 September 2009

The Day of Miracles

Well. A book called "A New Light on Ascension" by Diana Cooper had huge impact to my day. I realized that I have changed and I have been lost. That I am now ready to follow exercises and meditations provided in this book. I am getting into the connection with the Spirit.

As I was walking towards free moksha yoga class, so happy with my decision to go there, I met a man I was just thinking to meet. We didn't have each others contacts. But there he was.

Later on the day I created a blogsite for Freya stories. This is sharing of our summer and of our commitment. I have put myself into it and this energy carried me to manifest this page -

There are some pictures already, more will come.
I take it as a game... we will see how it goes and grows and it will all happen only when it has to happen.

Then Azelia wanted to give me Sacred Fire Community newsletter, she asked me to call if I can come and meet up to go to see Grandmother Ocean. Well, payphone didn't get my message, so I went down to the ocean with a good hope and wish to find her and that she will go there even without getting any word from me.

I looked around, not seeing her. Well, I will just go down to the beach then. And there, there was another woman, girl that I just met on last weekend, we ran into each other yesterday too! What a coincidence! This meeting had to happen. She is sharing a path with me. Her mother is a healer, soundhealing and other things. She sings and plays piano... There is more to discover. And from the first moment I saw her, I felt so familiar...
Now we arranged a dinner. We followed guidance.

And as we walked up from the stairs and were about to say goodbye, Azelia walked towards us!
Perfect timing!

this is how things are happening Now, in the Non-Sequential, Non-Logical Miraculous Reality.
Hard to think and plan anymore. I am guided, we are guided to give up all that and just trust the moment.

I can walk in the leaves which are on the ground...
Incence sticks were waiting for me on a freepile...
Sunset was so serene and light...
Finally I am finding myself again, funny that I am leaving this place now, just when it is all going easier. But I do not resist. I AM guided.

14 September 2009

"Spare some change!"

Spare some change!
Spare some change.
Spare some change!

This day I had walked by from one homeless guy on the street. I walked by, but I carried him with me. I looked back. I thought back.
I stepped into a book shop, used books. It is the biggest around. And they have so many books there. I was looking for Ram Dass "Be Here Now". It wasn't there. But another one was - "How can I help?" I opened it and we make difference who to help. How our family is closer to us than somebody else's family. And how we pass by from the people on the streets. We even don't dare to watch them. And we don't dare to see other people on the street either. What about smiling to them?
On the public transport or other busy places we find ourselves so interested in our shoes..or ceiling... or just nothing... something to keep us away from connection with a fellow human.

I bought a book about angels. Diana Cooper.
What am I looking for?
I am looking for myself.
This is so weird that I think that books will help. Maybe they will.
And from the library I have taken lots of books. About interesting things. Natives and peaceful warrior, medicine woman and prayers, chinese medicine and herbs... I just feel like learning.
Then again I realize that I might know myself. That those books are just tools.., I am the worker.
I am healer.
Why am I so lost sometimes?
Why is this world so sick?

I continued walking on the streets.
Another man on the street.
His voice sounded like a broken branch. He was wearing dark glasses and white stick was with him. He was sitting on a bench, white plastic bucket in his hands.
"Spare some change!
Spare some change!"

I stopped. Somehow the fact that he was blind, gave me more courage. I took 2 dollars from my moneybag and went close to him. I gave him the money and then I talked with him.
Tomorrow they will make bloodtest to him and day after tomorrow one of his kidneys will be removed. He can barely walk. He is asking money for food.
I asked if he has home and he said that he has a place that might be called as home, but it is a bunk, it is a place with broken lights and mice running around. He doesn't see that but others have told him that.
"They do not care."
"Government. There is so much food waste, but nobody gives that to us. They throw it into garbage and get insurance money from that."

I listened and thought about us, freegans of Victoria, young people finding free food from dumpsters, finding free furniture and clothes from the street... What makes us different from this guy on the street?
His mother died 2 months ago. He has had sight but now he is blind. Nobody wants to employ him.

I thank him for being there. For giving others a chance to feel compassion.
Chance to share. Chance to dare.
It was a challenge to me.
Also when I walked away, hearing his continuous pitiful shouts - "Spare some change..", I was almost crying.
So this is the world.
We go and buy more things to satisfy our wantings, we are proud to earn a lot of money and wear expensive perfume from France...we struggle in our spiritual searches, we go and shop in fancy organic markets and think that if we get ourselves a good yoga clothes and go and sweat a lot in moksha yoga....then this will be enough.

If I help friends, but I do not care about people on the streets - am I compassionate?

I feel the feelings of the World.
Paavo says that it is normal. I am those feelings.
It is true.
Also it is challenging. Cause some people feel so lost, sad and unhappy..., mistreated and abused, not listened and not loved. I feel that too.
Where comes the change?

I am positive.
I know that it starts with Love.
I Love.
I love myself and then I can love the others.
I feel compassion, but I cannot go along. Life is a gift.

It is time to take responsibility for us all. It is time to see and choose. It is time to wake up and act. It is time to care and open our hearts to the Now. Be Here Now. I am looking for that. But this is something I know within. This IS.

~May we be guided into our highest wisdom, unity and connection.
May our spirits talk through us,
may our bodies be clean temples for the Light.~

13 September 2009

How do you grow?

On a sunny Saturday morning I was walking with Elizabeth and Catherine towards Anarchist Bookfair when we saw that Music Conservatory was having open doors day. We stepped in. Next I realized that I have signed myself up for a mini-lesson. Voice lesson.
There I was, opening myself and my voice, releasing fear and listening to Her, who is aware of energywork and that's why her explanations made so much sense for me. Breathing and reaching the sky trough the earth - this is how voice goes when it has strength. 15 minutes passed by so fast, but I learned a lot.
Then I was in saxophone lesson too, without my own instrument. But the teacher was reminding me how important is to be relaxed and have a straight and normal position, not to be twisted or feeling pain here or there... It all starts with simple things - noticing your body and your breathing.

I was lucky to meet with those teachers. There is so many ways to learn and teach. I have seen different sides of it and life shows eventually what is healthy and what is sustainable.
My heart felt just so happy while being around music again.
When I return here, I might go and volunteer in music therapy, or play piano in elders care homes. To bring light and joy to them.

What about Anarchist Bookfair - people wear a lot of black. They are sometimes dirtier than "normal" people. They also have thoughts about how to rebel and act against something. It can be freedom and it can be a trap. I got tired. Also I got a book about plants in here - about their edibility and medicinal properties.
As long as there is groundedness, it is possible to go trough the shadows, carrying light.

I saw a native woman who is really fierce about 2010 Oympics here. People are loosing jobs because of that, people are losing land... and all this activity around olympic games opens the old wounds too... that First Nation's have lost their land...and white people take it for granted, take the resources and fine art of the Natives...and use it to show it all from a fancy and glimmery side. It is very controversial. Homeless people from Vancouver are sent to Vancouver Island..., to Victoria, just because Vancouver has to look "nice". It makes me wonder.... what is real and what are we showed is real.
When I see pictures and commercial about Olympics, it all seems so nice. Even too nice. Cause I see something else too. People behind that. And all this money comes from somewhere. Somebody is being exploited. Maybe the Land. Mother Earth. And those people who want to live with the Nature.
Natives have lost lots of their pride and vision and growth. Alcohol kills their dreams. They become numb. And this is how they can be ruled. This is how we can be ruled. Almost everybody drinks alcohol...cause it is not as bad as drugs... and smoking. It is normal to drink alcohol!

I doubt about that.
Alcohol makes you forget.
Forget who you are.
Forget what are you dreaming of.
Forget why are you living.
Forget what you love and thrive for.
Forget your growth.
You loose your vision.
Wood in you is your growth, your purpose. And it is your vision. Liver is connected with the element Wood. Alcohol affects liver. People wear glasses cause they have lost sight. There is something they cannot see. They do not express themselves through creativity.
When was the last time you created something?

Imagine yourself as a tree. Seed knows already what kind of tree will come out of it. Branches reach toward Light, to the Sky. Roots reach into the Earth. Tree wants to be strong in the winds. Tree wants to grow, flower and fruit and then let it all go... and start all over again.

Find your growth and direction.
How do you see yourself when you are old?
What will be around you when 10 years have passed by?

Just hug a tree and listen to the water in the tree.
Listen to the growth.
Listen to the silence.

Thank YOU for listening.

12 September 2009

Dive Into Life

Paavo linked me with this and it feels like a blessing just right now. This book is from 1971, but some truths will remain the same, even if time passes by. Universal Light.
I encourage you to take a look,
it is strong.

World is shifting.

Be Here Now by Ram Dass

11 September 2009

Uus Maailm pärast 09.09.09_New World after 09.09.09

Nii hea on kasvada vanemaks. Maailmale vaadata üha ja üha teisiti. Alistuda elule Maal.
Soovida kohtuda vanematega ja loobuda enese tõestamisest. Lihtsalt Armastada. Ja tulla ja minna vabalt, enese südant kuulates.

Ma rõõmustan läheneva Eestisse minemise üle.
Soovin kohtuda teiega, tantsida üks pidu, laulda mõned laulud ja kallistada palju!


It is so great to grow older. To see world differently and differently. To surrender to the Life on Earth. To look forward meeting with parents and not to prove myself to them. Just to Love. And come and go as the Heart pleases.

I feel joy that I go to Estonia soon.
I want to meet with you, to dance a party, to sing some songs and to share lots of hugs!

09 September 2009

What is here for me,
stars in the sky and ocean near my feet.
This is the time of 0 and 9, time of movement and change, getting ready for 10. For the end and beginning. Some roots on the ground more clear and strong. Channeling Light from the Heavens, from Milky Way, from Infinity.

I learned about wind and sails, how there is a right angle for the movement and how the boat responds to my actions. 3 big sails up there, catching the wind and turning it into focused action. I turned the heel (wheel) and felt so in peace, blessed and at home - on the waters, on a sailing boat, on the ocean.
Mind is easy out there.
Simple things, jet challenging.
It is like maths, it is physics and it is rooted deeply to intuition and heart. So I just knew how to do it, how to give my best and how to follow the wind.

Orcas! I saw their fins, coming out from the water. First time, so beautiful and strong!

I saw more Gulf Islands, Salt Spring and Saturna. I am amazed and in awe. I feel so happy that life has brought me those opportunities.
I also got reminded to give up thinking and planning about my future.
I just do not know in the mind.
I will know when I need to know.
Relax and enjoy life!
Let it guide you!

Again and again I can hear that which I think I know... but I guess there is more to it. You have to live it, feel it... stop the patterns and observe your mind, emotions... then decide, listen to the silence and know what You want to do.

There are tides going on with the Ocean. Tides are happening in our lives too. We can learn from the water to go along. To give every piece of yourself to the flow and current. Water doesn't resist.
Let yourself to feel the motion. Let yourself to feel emotion.
Let yourself not to know.
Let yourself to trust and be.
Be more and do less.

Fall is here. Leaves are falling. I feel joy to say goodbye. To give some of the water away trough eyes, to feel thankful for all the moments shared together and to trust and know that if meetings have to happen, they will happen.
It is a relief to let go. To look back to the great summer, see all the beauty around and to know that this is my life. Good and bad, all in the same one-in-all.

I got a letter, real one (!) from my grandmother Tea. She said that her father was here, near Vancouver, 80 years ago, in the times of financial crisis. All the same. Just different time.
She wrote me how they have managed to live together with grandpa Kalju for 50 years! "You have to give freedom! And before you say anything, take your mouth full of water. (old Estonian saying)" It means that you better think before you say, listen and make compromises. Give up some of your understandings and be flexible.
It feels so great to read that. And to see some pictures of the larger family. Tea takes care of keeping the family together.

It was my second letter to receive in here.
You can write me too,
it feels so lovely
and special.
Thank You~

May the energy of 9 guide You!

This is Freya, after the masts got stepped, in the sunset in Sidney, Vancouver Island.

The Crew of Freya. Ty back there, Ollie next to him with curly hair. Giorgio's hair is curly too, but a bit darker. I am next to him. And then comes Jason. Dylan is making photo, so you cannot see him, but can feel him! Behind there you can see Freya too, dark masts.
Feast was happening with us!

Steps on the planet Earth