Where are you in your life?

I move on the Earth.
Now some people call me the "worldtraveller".
I guess it was my dream to become a one.

I went into the apartment where we used to live when we were children with Sander.
It is the place of the past. We left it behind when one summer on the countryside never ended and we didn't move back to the village, to our old home. We have been taking things along from there. But lots of them are left behind.

My room. My eyes see it through my little self, my little Marian. Room is so small, but we used to live there with Sander, only having a small floor-space for all the games we played. Big desk, father got it from his working place, old-russian-way-office-desk.
The whole table and floor was full of things, papers, books, toys. Today I had strength to go through it. Today I threw away boxes of old papers and clothes and things. There are more to deal with. But much is gone.
It is tiring. But it is rewarding.
I am amazed that this place is just existing, nobody taking care of it and when you turn on the water in the toilet, water starts to run through the flushing box... What a surprise!
Today I had courage to burn the candle we were saving for some special occasions. It was shaped as a bear in Santa-Claus suit.
I am burning my childhood. But it is not like denying it or killing it. It is more like looking it from aside. Observing. And realizing that some things are over. And there is much to learn from it - for example - to use my favorite stickers right away, not to put them aside until I am 23. This feeling of excitement around stickers is not the same.
Though, why not?
Yes,
there is something in me, still interested in beautiful small things, decorating my books and diaries with pretty pictures.

http://nekochan828.deviantart.com/

Oh, when I was there, I met with a wish to find my own home. I just want to move there and to have space for wool and hand-made stuff to work with. And for piano. And walls will be light and bright there.
In this place of childhood, it all felt so out of time. Small girl is big girl now. Now is the time I can live my dreams.
I do not need to have a childhood place in New Zealand to feel cool in my life.
Also, I do not need to live abroad to feel fulfilled in my life. There is more in me than I even know.
I am a creation of my mind, mostly. And as my mind is changing, I am changing. And as I am teaching silence to my mind, I might even find something else behind it. Cause when the mind is gone, I am not gone.
We will see.

Meanwhile,
dogs and cats are fed and snow is melting over here.
I am pleased that parents do take time to see the world too and hopefully they will come back with a new understanding in their eyes or hearts. I have time to drive on the misty gray roads of Estonia, listening to Vangelis. Conquest of Paradise. 1492.

Tantsumasin. Dancemachine.

Parents flew to China and I took their car and turned the wheels towards Viljandi - city of folk-music and culture.
170 km is long enough to start enjoying driving, to get into being alone on the road.
I made some great discoveries about myself.

In the beginning I listened some good mellow Estonian female voice and nice songs, but then it was suddenly enough. I turned on the radio and only station which worked, was Russian radio. I have never listened to it so far. But now it was just perfect! Some good beats and language which is quite ununderstandable for me. So relaxing!
I realized that I do understand something.

Then. Radio lost its signal and my only option (besides listening to this mellow woman) was to listen to "I love 90's" CD.
Well.
"Maybe it is good," I thought.
Indeed.
Big was my surprise when I found myself going along with the beat and dancing in the car as much as possible. Good old love-disco-songs! One moment brought a scream out of me. When I realized that nobody is listening to me and I am not disturbing anybody, I was so relieved that I screamed even more! Full power!
Probably for the first time in my life.



Viljandi.
There I was finally.
Next to the gas station I wrote words into my computer, waiting for my brother to arrive. He came and we drove towards concert place.

Tantsumasin was the name of the event - dancemachine. It was something simple and Estonian - dances were not all polished and perfect - they were as people - different steps, different movements in the hips...
And the story was carried out with some nice symbols and there was space for everybody to create their own story too.

So when we had a cake and drink after the show, we danced with musicians and dancers and got together as a friendly family and then they asked if we want to go to sauna with them, with the group of Tantsumasin.
Well,
it took some courage to go with the strangers. Leana and Sander were doubting about that, but my feeling told to go. So, I talked them into it and there we were, learning to know each other in Estonian Way - in sauna, all naked :)
That was a good night to remember and to learn from that too.
Finally we were all so pleased to be so relaxed and warm to the bones. And we got to know some people who were just on the stage some hours ago.
Everybody needs somebody to go to sauna with!

On the west coast of Estonia there is no snow.
But here in Virumaa, in the center of Estonia, my brother and sister just went to skiing.
Small country, but lots of variety!

Sauna tonight too.
Candlelight.
Honey on the skin and snowangels outside on the ground. It feels great to have snow next to your bare and warm skin...
When honey dries out, you can massage your skin and this stickyness brings toxines out! And you are definately so sweet as you can be! :)

So,
friends, come over and lets go to sauna!

LUIGED LÄINUD
LUMI TAGA

on the Fathers Day

I am back in west coast. I followed the setting sun. But this time I just knew it, I didn't see it, the Sun I mean. Instead I saw snow on my road. And when I got here, the snow was gone.
They still have snow out there, in other part of Estonia.
But Haapsalu is warm.
It reminds me Canadian west coast.

I remember how I used to feel here. I feel it again. Only now I am new. I made the step, forward, not back.
I can see the sea from the window of my friends home. She left me her home keys, soon she is coming back. And I am waiting.

Accordion appeared. Grandmother was delighted to meet with the right moment where her granddaughter finally got ready for her instrument. Tears in her eyes - she listened me playing and singing.

I have songs coming to me. One night I recorded two of them. You can listen to : www.myspace.com/marianhiire
Unplugged and the beginning it is.
I am taking my time to meet with next steps on the road of sharing.


Once again we said goodbye - sister and brother of Semiluuto. We grow, in different places, but towards the same Light. There is strength in it. There are lessons in it.

Freedom in communication, touch and understanding flows into the presence of my life.

In Haapsalu there is still the Secret Garden waiting for me. The house is not sold. Apples are under the trees, they taste so good. My stomach moved, my heart was beating... while I stepped again into this Garden. Maybe we are about to meet some time in the future. Maybe I will live there one day. We are waiting for each other.

This is happiness - to be alive~

Dear People
We are amazing embodiments here on earth~ from east to west ~ from north to south ~
There are hugs, smiles and shared moments connecting all of us.
Through the movement and sharing we are able to comprehend the "true reality" being much more grounded.
Just because the playground is getting wider thanks to you.

When you step up, take a brief moment to focus on the earth you are standing on. Examine the feeling and support we get from the Mother Earth.

I am writing things that are carried by this very moment. I write to understand myself through this medium, through you dear Reader.

Things Happen!


Sander

All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory

This collage I made before our travels as a manifestation photo~
When I look back to my memories and feelings right now~ It all comes together as ONE

All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory!

Let this centence and powerful self programming energy enter your reality!
We are here on earth to Live a Life


SANderSAN
with motivation

Stroke of Insight

 This woman, brain researcher learned to know her own brain through a brain stroke. Left and right brain sides have so different tasks for us. Enlightening to see! Check the link!

Stroke of Insight

Train your left body side~

Choice to Live

Here you are, standing and looking your life. The place you live. Things you eat. Clothes you wear. Things you do. People you go along with.

From a blog: http://my.opera.com/ptckian/blog/index.dml/tag/Thoughts

You are new. Life is still the same. It is your life. World is changing, yes, but it takes its time. Things on Earth are moving slower than our minds and spirits. We have to learn to accept and appreciate that.
We can learn to live in the flow of Tao.

Do not make any decisions based upon rush or fear or unbalance. Wait until you know and act then.
Wait until things come to you, you do not have to put yourself out there so loud...

This is what my experience is teaching me. I am learning to walk. I am falling down and then I am rising again, still in the process of learning to walk. I will succeed when I am ready.
Mistakes are there to be made and to move on.

Thank you for allowing us to share the whole process with you. Do not take me or us so seriously. We are still young citizens of the Earth, no matter for how old our Spirits are.


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