29 March 2009


It took me 22 years to get to the place where I can sleep in a tipi, go to sweatlodge, sing native american songs around the fire, go to tipi with all those people, stay up all night, take peyote, sing, sing, sing, watch fire, fell asleep, wake up again, dream, get to feel the people around me... and the next day just starts with fresh fruit and corn and sacred meat and we say hello to the sun, we greet all 6 directions and make a prair.

I found myself cutting 365 small pieces of red cloth. I put tabacco with herbs inside them. And they all are in one line. They will be around me, when I go to the mountains.

It feels like home. It feels so familiar and so film at the same time. Beautiful.
And what is funny - here are some people, we already met on the rainbow. And one guy has been on the horsecaravan - it just seems more and more that world is so small and connected. Same paths are crossing again. So, there are no good-bye´s really. You just have to trust and be sure that you will meet with those people who are close to your heart.

I will meet you, dear one,
world is round.


Maailm on ymmargune ja mu algused ja l6pud said kokku kui viskasin kotid seljast ja hetsin pikali tipisse. Esimest korda elus. P2ris tipi. Maalingud. S6nni all sain magada, hommikul p2ikesesse 2rgata.
Uneilm. Imeilm. Sees ja v2ljas.
Mehhiko n2itab uusi kylgi enesest. Need inimesed on vanasid traditsioone elus hoidvad, loodusega elavad, maailmaga elavad. Nad laulavad laule, selliseid nagu kuulsin indiaani unelaulude plaadilt enne kui eestist lahkusin. Ait2h Reet, see oli nagu sissejuhatus. Nyyd tean m6nda isegi laulda.
Tseremoonia ja higitelk, hispaania keel, aga tunne saab aru. Tipis inimesed k6ik koos, altar, l6ke. Laulud. Peyote, nende meditsiin.
Seda on v2ga huvitav kogeda. Ja inimesed on kuidagi tuttavad. N2gin oma m6lemaid vanaisasid ja Timmi ja Sandri s6pra Kalvit - nad on teiste inimeste sees. Ja siis on tunne, nagu juba teaks sedagi inimest. EI tea, kyll mis see on, aga ilus on.
M2gede vahel oleme, roheline loodus ymber. P2ris.

6nn on elada ja 6nn on jagada,
r2ndajatele elude sees.
Oleme k6ik yhenduses.


22 March 2009

Ma olen / I am

Ma olen paljajalu ja püksid lohisevad maas. Ma ei vaata üles. Astun vagunisse. Mu juuksed on korralikult kammitud, niiet nad ikka hoiavad kammijälgi endas.
Tahan neile anda kollaseid pabereid, millel on mustad tähed. Nad kardavad. Nad raputavad päid. Nad ei vaata mu poole. Nad ei võta mu andi, arvates, et ma tahan neilt saada midagi. Ja keegi ei taha midagi anda.
Lähen edasi, pole kaotust, pole võitu, on järgmine vagun.


Mul on palju komme. Ma müün neid. Nad on kitsepiimast tehtud ja neil on pulgad ka, et lihtsam hoida oleks. Igaüks on eraldi pakitud, aga viis tükki on omakorda veel kokku köidetud. Viis peesot.
Ruudulise kleidiga mamma tahab mu komme oma lapselapsele.
Kõik. Uus peatus.


Diez pesos. Salsa. Mu õlal ripub kott, mille sees on kõlar ja terve vagun saab muusikat täis, kui ma sinna astun.
Oo, üks käsi tõusis, astusin sammu tagasi ta poole. Tal on vaja mu plaati. Mustvalgete kirjadega.
Ta naeratab, sest lemmiklaule on seal.
Ma olen juba järgmises vagunis, kui tema plaati kotti paneb. 
Kotis on uus ja kollane pesapallikinnas. Nahasõlmi tuleb natuke pingutada sealsamas. Pall on ka, valge ja punaste õmblustega. Ja ta paneb selle kinda sisse.


Mul on kitarr, kaelas ripub paaniflööt. Nad kõik ei näe mind inimeste tagant, aga nad kuulevad. Ma laulan. See on natuke kurb ja igatsev ja ilus. Nad ei vaatagi mind, küllap neil on palju teha oma peas. Viie peeso eest saavad nad väikese paaniflöödikese, mis on ka võtmehoidja.
Mu seljas on mu laps, metallraamidega tooli sees.
Üks tüdruk andis mulle viis peesot rohkem kui vaja.
Uksed sulguvad.
Olen teisel pool.


I am barefoot and my pants are touching the ground when I am walking. I don't look up. I step into the wagon. You can see comb-patterns in my hair.
I want to give them those yellow papers with black letters. They are afraid. They are shrugging their heads, saying "no". They don't look at me. They are not taking my gift, cause they are thinking that I want to get something from them. And nobody wants to give.
I go on, there is no loosing, there is no winning, there is a next wagon.


I have lots of candies. I sell them. They are made of goatmilk and they have sticks as well, for you to be able to hold them more comfortable in your hand. Each and one of them are packed into transparent plastic and five of those are attached together as a one package. Five pesos.
Grandma with a chequered dress wants my candies to give them to her grandchild.
That's all. Next stop.


Diez pesos. Salsa. I have a bag on my shoulder and there is a speaker inside it and the whole wagon will be full of music when I step inside. 
Oh, one hand raised, I step back towards him. He needs my CD with the letters of black and white. He is smiling,  his favourite songs are there...
I am in the next wagon when he puts the CD into his bag.
In this bag there is a new and yellow baseball glove. Some leather-knots needs to be tighten, just right there. A ball is also there, white, red seams. And he puts this into the glove.

I have a guitar and a panflute is hanging on my neck. All of them don't see me, but they hear me. I am singing. It is a bit sad and longing and beautiful. They even are not looking at me even if I am next to them, I guess they have lots to do in their heads. With five pesos I will give them a small panflute which can be used as a keyholder.
I carry my child in a chair with metal frames on my back.
One girl gave me five pesos more than neccessary.
The doors are closing.
I am on the other side.


Mexico city.

18 March 2009

Japanese food and low pressure

"We need 9 plates to serve the food, can you find?" 
There are only three of us, but in order to make it properly, we found those plates, different and colourful. 
This is Japanese food.
Yoshi is our headchef, fast and precise. 
I am washing, cutting, observing and starting to do more and more. Chopsticks are cooperating with my fingers.
Mirin. Soysauce. Fishstock. Japanese rice. Misosoup.

We sit on the floor, we join our hands, everybody on their own.

It is so interesting to try those tastes, take a bit of rice in between other things to clean the taste... It is delicate. It is beautiful. It is light.
Mexican food is heavy and rough. 
I am so lucky that I am in those moments where I can learn more and more about cooking, about different kitchens. It is an art. It is a pleasure. It is dicipline.


So, we left the horse caravan.
Sunday was the day, the day of blue monkey - illusions and action. Akasha, the wing-wounded fairy - we helped her to go and she helped us to go. White mist landed on us, on the caravan. White car came (with mexican family who came to see us) and when he left, we jumped on the back with our Earthly and heavy stuff. Cordoba.
This white mist covered all and so I looked back, loosing sight, Kareen and Sergio riding there with the horses...
Last ride.
Phoenix was standing there as a post..
Silent and quiet and beautiful.
In those last moments I felt peace. There is a space for us to go back anytime. It is respect.

When you leave a place, everything seems so real, special and important. And then you go, feeling some sadness and some tears... And happiness and freedom... It is as it has to be. It is dying.
I love to die.

The bus was just there, waiting for us.
TV opened in front of us. Dejavu was the movie. Just a coincidence?
Real and unreal. Movie inside. Movie outside.
And as we reached to the other side of the mountains, clouds were gone. Sun came out and sat there.

Toilet in the bus. Mirror. What a sight. I watched myself and I realized that I am wild. I hadn`t wash myself over a week. My clothes were dirty. My hear... No wonder that all the people were watching us..., hobbits from the forest... Akasha barefoot...

The same road to Mexico city as 5 months ago. We have made a circle. I even saw a place on the mountainroad, where the truck-driver stopped and we ate there... Dejavu.

Lights of the mega-city. Stunning. Vast. Is this really real? It is enormous. It is beautiful when you just watch. And it is sad, when you start to thing. So I was just observing, letting all the emotions go.

The White Team reached into the city, hero called Sander was carrying two bags (Akasha`s as well) and we took a metro. The last effort and we reached Yoshi`s place. It is a bliss when you have a place to go in this huge monster called Mexico city. He only knew that Akasha is coming. We stepped out from the darkness. And Yoshi said that he thought we will come tomorrow. So, quite good timing .)

Here we are now. Akasha managed to get her visa in two days instead of five. Indian embassies in England and in Mexico know her now for sure ~ so many calls and meetings... And it shows that everything is possible, when you really want it. She is on the road now.

We are new international group of personal home~decorators now. A green plant and a golden pot for it... Yoshi just wanted to make a working~space~table.... we ended up buying brushes and rolls and paints... Green is for the doors. And natural white for the floors. Grey and yellow are now covered. New space.
This is freedom. You just stop doing one thing and on the another moment you can do something totally different. It is sometimes unbelievable. Humans are so adaptive!

All my life has guided me into those moments. My father had to build the house and it took such a long time because then I got the chance to get older and paint my own room... I have the experience. 
Sandpaper and tape.
Working is beautiful. You go into it and you find yourself there. Sometimes struggling, wanting to stop, finding beauty, thinking, listening to music, dancing... And then, reaching the peace. It is as it is and I can choose to enjoy fully!

Technology market in the center of the city (called Zocalo) gave us a chance to to be touched in order to get us to buy something from their shop...and their shop... Crowd. Heat. Electricity. Waiting. Watching. Beeing watched.
Yoshi guided us, the freak of this world... I gave my best to handle this all.
We ended up with a nice hard disk for the pictures. Now we can go on on our own, having enough space to make as much photos as we want... at least for some time >)

Canada is waiting.
Flight is on the 16th of April.
God knows what is there waiting for us. We followed the guidance and pressed the button on the mouse . 

As I have experienced so far ~ everything has worked out so nice and so beautiful. I am surrounded with kind people, friends in the heart. I meet with the Family. We are spread all over the World and we meet with each other just like this, unplanned, but in alignment. It gives us support to know that we are connected to each other. And really it doesn`t matter so much if we are together or not. Space and time, all in one.

The road goes on.
Staying. Going. Coming.
It is only as it is.

So we go, Inlakesh and Tonatiuh, Marian and Sander. Heat. Sun. Mountains. Smiles.

Mathematic came to us. Conrado was doing some university-stuff and I had a chance to use my knowledge from the highschool. Refreshing. And Sander is with Yogananda. Book.
We went high, into the clouds. And it was cold.

This is The Purple Bus, where people loaded all their stuff. And now we loaded ourselves there as well, because we went to do a show in a small town called Comalapa. On the roof there is the best view, feeling and fun. So, Estonia is there. With Mexico and England.
Down here we can see Germany, Canada and Switzerland. This dog is Lobo.

13 March 2009

The Surreal Mexico

You are walking down the street, you just got to down after 50 minute walking downhill. The sun is behind some clouds and your blood sugar has dropped tremendeously after morning coffee and few skoops of amaranth that i found from the purple magic bus.
Welcome to Huatusco.

The houses are painted purple sometimes - its fine. Some guys are building a new house, the other fellows are fixing the things the first guys made wrong.

Fresh Orange juice is cheaper than a liter of water in Europe.

Here in towns they have tortilla factorys where they make thousands of pancake like corn thingies in a day. You can get them machine warm ;D

If you are hungry then you can jump into random kitchen where three mamas are cooking eggs and beans for you in 5 minutes. It´s their way of living - cooking and serving. The cups might be blue and the chili sauce is going to lift your taste monitoring system to a new level.

To stop a horse caravan of 25 horses because of a red light on a crossing is an interesting mixture of different times.

On one street you can find three shops that sell exactly the same things ººº

Looking for a recycling bin¿?

It is okay if a taxy truck called cabioneta contains 20 mexicans on board - three of them standing almost in the air.

Gringo - sling sling - the prices just went up before i got to the shop :D

"What´s up man, where are you from man¿?"* * with a mexican english accent, a question addressed to you from a mexican who has workend in the states before º º º

Ehhe, there are so many details that impress me in this country - i think i should have a posting of my toilet experiences ;D

After sitting in the internet caffe for two hours your mind gets owerwhelmed by the frequencies of 10 zooming computers, street sounds and random music that the owner of the place chooses to listen...

Thank you my friendsº Let´s rather go out to the woods and get grounded again. After that we can meet here again.

Sander with a little funky hug - three days of riding horses without a proper bath and no soap ;D

09 March 2009

Celestine Prophecy

When I can see how dirty are the horses, how much do I have to brush before I can put a saddle on, I understand what people breath in when they live in the cities.
I see that horses are nervous. Inlakesh wants to bite me when I put the saddle on. I am not afraid. I just tell him that it is not good to try things like this...

So we go. We found people who are showing us the way, they are veterinarians, they are real Mexicans, good riders. One of them is wearing a hat, sombrero, like in the movies, with a beautiful feather...
Mexico. It is a hot country. Somehow it is not a problem for me. In the breakfast today I noticed that we were the only ones (with Sander) who sat on the sunshine. Everybody else moved into the shade. They don't like direct sunshine so much? Maybe Estonian backround gives us this kind of readyness to stay in the sun. I noticed this in the Rainbow gathering, in the beach as well that I just enjoyed the straight sun all the time, no problems! Maybe this is the body-mind-school training-backround....

This book, Celestine Prophecy (Taevane Ettekuulutus, James Redfield) just came to me, from the library of our Purple Bus. I have read it before, but it is new all the time. The time is now as well. I feel like it is important to remember.
I catch glimpses of my own memory, history, from the time in Haapsalu, from the trainings... and I remember that I am able to be so sensitive and aware to know what is there for me to do. It is just knowing. It is a state of conciousness. It is like dream, which goes away so easily when you don't pay attencion. I guess I haven't been so awake all the time. And on this time I have had different experiences. It is important to go into a deep fog sometimes and from there to find the way out. It is a challenge.

World is giving signs all the time. It is just a matter of noticing them. I was looking for Sander and Justin (french-canadian film-maker from Quebec, Canada) in the big city, Orizaba. I knew that they are somewhere there, in the center. So, I just walked around and suddenly I found myself going into a beautiful churche. So good aroma of the white flowers! Beautiful paintings. And I saw symbols I have drew before - a triangle in the circle. And there were a picture about the God (old man), creating the World, light emanating from the hands and the heart. There were our small and round Earth. And under the Earth, surrounding and supporting, were the Angels, four of them. Behind the God there were a Pyramid of Light.
Very lightning picture. I am grateful that it is there.
I saw death as well.
Jesus was lying there, under the blankets, with a painful face which now finally found some peace. Many different sizes figures like this. Sincere.
And Virgins. Beautiful women on a service in this planet.

I started to go. I saw another way out, a door. I didn't choose it yet, but when I went out from the other door I still went on this side of the church. I had forgotten that I am searching for something...
Heh, and there they were,
sitting behind the table,
waiting for waffels,
smiling faces and eyes behind round and colourful glasses. With an elegant move Justin gave me a pair of glasses as well. So, we sat there, funny and friendly. People passing by. Eating sweet things...

Then we met a retired couple, citizens of Canada, but the woman was from Finland and the man from Jugoslovakkia. They are going to Canada in may. And they were interested about the travelling with the horses. They will pick us up on the way when we are hitchiking up there.

Yes. It is simple.
We are on the road.

06 March 2009

I wake up...

and I hear the sheep, really loud. M2222, m222!
Then I hear the sounds of the cars, bigger cars, busses... - it is a city. We are now so close to the Babylon (as the rainbow people call the city-world). Still, we have a campfire, tents on the grass, horses in the potrero next to us. And the Sun comes as always.
Every day is still new. Those some certainties we have, like washing teeth and sleeping in the sleeping bag.., and going to shitpit - I really like the small things which build the fundament of our daily life, they keep the world together.

When I wake up, the dreamworld fades away. But it is still there, it excists, because I experience it every single night. Even if I don´t remember it.
Being in a horse caravan - this is also like a dream. It is so wonderful, it is sometimes making me angry, it is closing me, it is opening me.
This time, in this camp, local tourism girl in the goverment of the Fortin, is personally taking care of us, providing a camping place, water, even some bears and some rides to town and around.... We are like V.I.P. here. Yet, we are the same.
I just put semi-clean clothes and shoes on and we went to a ceremony to honour the Mother Earth, Tonantzin. The president of Fortin invited us.
Tlazohkamati - thank you!
Mexico is so different!
Today I saw really fancy costumes, make-up and faces - modern world. But yesterday we left a place where people are washing their clothes in the river and houses are in between the sugar-cane fields..., old woman walking bare-foot.
It is beautiful!

Mexico is mother. It is love.
It is sharing whatever you have.
We are a family.

My lesson from Mexico is the lesson of Love. Unconditional love. I can't have any certain and strong statements, because they are not worth anything. World is so controvertial.
Just flow.

Peak of Orizaba - I can see snow there, it is just over there, behind some smaller mountains. It is vast. It is powerful. It is the highest peak in Mexico. It makes us feel small and humble. Thank you!

now I realize that I am just fulfilling my dream from the childhood - I always wanted to ride, but it never happened like this. I had to come to Mexico to experience it. Strange life. There are no chances, everything has a meaning and a reason. Beautiful creation of God. Of the Universe.
So, I go into the moment of being on the horse. As we reached the Babylon, bigger roads, we all had another horse on a rope with us. I had One-Eyed-Willy. He is sometimes kicking the other horses when they come to close to him, because he doesn't see so much. It was an interesting and challenging experience.
I succeeded. Nobody died.

But one horse died couple of days ago. We were on the mountain road, going down. Some horses were going loose, we didn´t had so many riders... So, on one corner some horses stopped to take a bite of green grass.. I was just behind those two horses. They started to move. One of them make it back to the road. The other... He also wanted to continue the road, but he made one step into the unknowingness, down the cliff. He just dissapeared from my sight, rolling downhill.

Emilio, our mexican cowboy, he gave his horse to me to hold and took a rope and went down. Other courious people as well. My job was to keep an eye on the other horses - so that they can´t go down there.. Strong moments. Unknowingness. Tension.

And they came up again. Faces sad. We just lost Gavilon. Emilio, who knows the Death so well, cut the tailhair, for us to feel the Death...
Life goes on.
So we were all extra aware,
this lesson was so strong.
Gladly the horse died very fast, no suffering, branches on the skin, one piece of the wood in the neck and spine broken.
Sad and beautiful.

I am grateful to the Angel of the Death to let us feel that we all are mortal. We have horses, we have money, we have people in our lives... we have... but this all is a loan from the Death Angel. She will take it back.
In spanish language, the Death is feminine.


Steps on the planet Earth