Be receptive

When You Love

When I realize that I love myself,

nothing in the world can put me down anymore.

And this is how I know now that even if there are so many things to do for the school and I don't know how it will all end up happening, I will be just fine - just being sure of that I love myself. No matter what happens.

"Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter

Nüüd ma tean, mis on selles elus mulle rõõmustamist meenutanud - see on seesama raamat, Pollyanna!

Täna läksin mingi imeliku sunni ajel TTÜ raamatukokku, kõige kõrgemale korrusele ning kõndisin otsejoones selle ühe raamaturiiuli poole, vaadates otsiva pilguga ringi. Üks hääl mus ütles, et ma ei peaks ühtki juturaamatut laenutama, sest mul on vaja hoopis referaati kirjutada. Aga siis ma ikkagi võtsin riiulist välja ühe mittemidagiütlevate pruunide kaantega raamatu ning sisse vaadates nägin, et värvilisel peidetud esilehel on kirjas "Pollyanna". Teadsin kohe, et olen seda raamatut lugenud, kuid ei mäletanud täpselt, millest seal juttu oli. Ometi võtsin raamatu endaga kaasa. Haarasin hooga pihku ka ühe teise põnevana tunduva raamatu ning suundusin laenutama. Selgus, et seda teist raamatut ei saanudki ma võtta, sest talle oli punane ring peale kleebitud - see tähendab "kohal kasutamiseks". "Hea küll siis, võtan Pollyanna."
Juba trollis kesklinna poole sõites hakkasin seda raamatut lugema ning taipasin, kuidas see meenutab mu lapsepõlve muinasreaalsust, milles elasin ning mis siiamaani on minu sees erinevatel hetkedel hingamas.

Praegu on öö, uue päeva algus nii lähedal. See raamat saigi läbi loetud.
Minus on lõputut rõõmu ja näol kuivanud pisaraid.

See raamat on maagiline. Poole lugemise ajal helistas mulle Simona ning soovis minuga koos olemist, õdusat ja kerget jagamist, oma nõrkadel hetkedel toetuse leidmist. Mina sain talle rääkida sellest raamatust, mida loen... ja muustki.. ning sõbral hakkas parem. Ta ütles, et olen imeline, et niimoodi suudan teha.

Nüüd ma tean, miks niimoodi on.
See on sellepärast,
et Pollyanna raamat meenutas mulle,
et maailmas on nii palju asju, mille üle rõõmu tunda!
See on see, mille pärast otsustasin naeratama ja naerma hakata, teadlikult ja tugevalt - juba siis kui olin alles õige noor!
See salajane teadmine on minus elanud oma elu, mind muudkui edasi juhtides ja inimesi ning olukordi mu teele juhatades.
Just sellepärast olen siia praegu kirjutamas,
oma jõudu kokku kogumas,
julgedes olla aus
oma jagamises ja rõõmus.

Seljataha vaadates on paremini näha need teeviidad, mis on juhatanud mind siia, kus ma praegu olen. Uskumatult imeline on saada vanemaks ning koguda seda pilku, mis näeb ning ühendusi loob! Selgemaks saab see, mis on mu elu, selle kulgemise suund, vool ja olemus.
Jagamine ja rõõm, ausus ja ühendus.

Olen üdini õnnelik,
et saan jagada seda hetke
tippides musti tähti valgele ekraanile.
Mu süda pakatab sellest tundest.
Ja tean,
et jõuan selle referaadigi tehtud.
Sest minu sees elab rõõm.

Seesama, mille tundsin ära, kui Nõo ühikas toakaaslastega masenduse pärast koolist puududes hakkasin sisemiselt naerma kui nutsime oma kurva saatuse üle - sain aru, et tegelikult olen õnnelik. See teadmine tuli minu sisse kui kevadõhk, pannes unustama selle, mille olin välja mõelnud enese pimeduses.
Küll on ikka kõik hästi paigas siin elus!

Poisid ja tüdrukud, mehed ja naised - lugege seda raamatut, kui on tunnet ja julgust. See võib muuta teie elu!
"Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter
Kes inglise keelt mõikab, saab lugeda: http://www.literaturepage.com/read/pollyanna.html


Jah, head sõbrad, küll on hea, et ma saan kõndida ja kohtuda teiega sel teel!


~*~

I must say it out in English too - I have found the one book I read in my childhood - "Pollyanna" by Eleanor H. Porter - which helped me to find what I had to find, what has lead me to you, to the adventures, to the writing and to the joy of living.

Today I took this book from a library - just by an "accident". And now, when I just finished reading it, I am so touched - in tears and in happyness!

Maybe you want to stop writing essays, doing homework, cleaning home, thinking about the worries and work - and remind yourself - how you want to live and how there is so much joy in this life - it is just there for you to see it!


You can even read this book in the internet!:
http://www.literaturepage.com/read/pollyanna.html




Friends, you have brought me so much joy  -  and you do bring it now too! I have you all in my heart and until I can walk, we will meet on the road!

White Metal Tiger

 

This year came to us in the middle of the night, 4 AM. We were in the forest like this tiger, snow high up to our knees. Marian, Sander and Mihkel formed a triangle.

New Moon.

Wishes and Prayers.

This year will bring simplicity and wisdom, community and solitude.

Things which cannot be told with words, are coming into the presence. Open your heart.

I, born also on the year of the tiger, feel empowered and in balance. I am glad that it happening now.

People from the world, friends I have met on the road - some of you have reached me just now and I feel so grateful and inspired by this. The world really is round and just as small as wide are our minds.

I am studying about non-linear and quantum physics and it reminds me that

how we think about the things matters.

This creates the reality.

This is the choice.

And the smallest particle chooses its path and turn just according to the thought. Until we do not decide, there are all the options available. 

We think all the time - we choose all the time.

Be concious about it.

Bring your awareness here and be responsible of your life.

~*~

Exercise of Communication

~*~

Õnn On Jagamiseks

Sel hommikul ärkan päikesesse. On tegelikult lõuna, aga minu öö algas alles hommikul seitsme paiku..., niiet on just paras aeg magatud, kui ma järsku avan oma silmad. Ainult ühel pool maja paistab see kullakera, mida viimasel ajal nii vähe näha on olnud.

Tunnen oma keha, selles on kummaline surin sees. Justkui kass nurruks kõhuks ja see teeb kõik, mida kogen, nii heaks.
Odrapuder gheega (selline või, mida on keedetud ja pealt riisutud vadak, järgi jääb kuldkollane pehmus. Indias tehakse just eriti niimoodi) on mulle lauale laotatud. Sinna juurde suutäied mõnusat jutuajamist. Õnne on see naine, kes minuga lahkust jagab. Mina olen kodus, kus mul on lubatud seekord olla.

Hallus laotas end taas laiali välises ilmas, kuid päikesemaik on mu keelel.

Esmaspäevase rahuga sätin ma end valmis. Lauale on jäetud rosinaid ja pähkleid suukosutuseks ja hommikurõõmuks. Valge koera pikad karvad paitavad mu sokid paksemaks.
Lähen kui on õige aeg, võtan parklast auto ja mängib Iker Goenaga "Amorrua" - muusika, mis oma elavusega oskab küll taevasse tõsta ja siis ka maasse juurutada.

Valgus on sellest päevast juba haihtumas. Nii lühikene on aeg, mil on meile heledust antud. Pärast lõunat algab õhtu. Palju puhkamisaega.
On mõned värvid taevas ja kui sõidan üle pikast sillast, siis on aega et seda endasse hingata. Mälupilt saab tehtud.
Lähen paika, kus raha vastu vahetatakse head ja paremat kraami. Ma tean, mida ma tahan ja seda ma ka leian. Minus on soovi täita kodu kappe külluse ja tervisega, et me kehad saaks hästi toidetud ja meeled maitsetega rahuldatud. Vanemad on tagasi tulemas. Nende lubatus võimaldab mul niimoodi liikuda praegu, mängida maailmaga.

Oh, see tunne, õnnesurin, on ikka mu sees. Ta kuristab kergeks kõik hetked. Midagi mind ei masenda. Ei inimeste lettidevaheline mõttetegevus ja kassapidaja tuim nägu. See vilksatab viivuks hoopis elust, kui vaatan talle silma ja soovin ilusat õhtut.
Tunnen, kuidas olen naine. Kuidas kõnnin koos uhkusega olla just neis hetkis, olla just selline kui täna olen.

Mandariinind - neid soovib õde siit Taaralinnast. Lähen teise poodi, sest siin pole parimaid.
Tulen välja, nüüd on juba pime.
Märkan meest, kes seisab väljas ja vaatab mind. Ta on tumedais riideis, tal on kodutu välimus. Ta paneb mind küsima eneselt, kas mul on õigus olla nii õnnelik, näha nii palju valgust ja rõõmu ilmas, mis talle on nii hall, on nii trööstitu ja kurb.
Istun autosse ja mängib taas muusika.

Akna taga on ootamatult see mees. Räägib ja näitab midagi kätega. Ma korraks ehmatun. Raputan pead, tunnen vist pelgust. Ja ma vaatan teda edasi. Näen, et ta silmad on siirad. Teen akna lahti ja keeran muusika kinni.
"Mul ei ole midagi siin valetada. Kui valetan, siis ainult iseendale. Ma olen kodutu. Kui sa saad, siis osta mulle saia, piima, vorsti ja limonaadi," ta ütleb.
"Valetamise kohalt on sul küll õigus, huvitav, et see tema suust meeldetuletusena taas tuleb," mõtlen omaette.
Ma enam ei karda. Hoopis mõistan. Sest sel reisiaastal oli mul hetki, kui ka mina ei teadnud, kuhu magama minna. Kodutute inimeste maailm tuli mulle hoopis lähemale. Ka see, mida ta võib tunda, kui läheb kellegi juurde midagi küsima, on mulle mõistetavam.
Peatasin oma maailma ja mineku.
Astusin autost välja, poodi, et osta talle seda, mida ta palus.

Valisin parima saia, kus oleks vähem säilitus- ja värvaineid. Võtsin piima asemel keefiri, mida ta variandina mainis. Valisin tunde järgi vorsti, suitsuvorst tundus tõeliseim. Limpa limonaad ka.
Mitte kunagi elus polnud ma kogenud nii suurt rahu ja rõõmu kellelegi midagi andes, just niimoodi, tundmatule küsijale. Muidu kerjajatest möödudes on minus tihti olnud segu häbist ja andmissoovist ja mõistmisest ja arvamisest ja keeldumisest. Seekord ma teadsin, mida mul teha tuleb.

Kõhus kõditas ikkagi see soe tunne edasi, kandmas mind läbi nende hetkede. Sain ühtäkki aru, et ma saan jagada enda õnne. Sellepärast see mees mu ellu tuligi. Enam ei tundnud ma, et on ülekohtune olla nii rõõmus. See on jagamiseks. Ja just see suur valgus minus, lubas seda ka edasi kiirata.

Kuulasin ta elu lugu. Tahtsin talle meenutada, et elus on põhjust olla. Ta enne ütles, et talve tulekul on tal üks variant end üles puua, siis ei pea enam kerjama. Varastada ta ei taha. Vangi ta enam sattuda ei taha. Just nüüd ta seal oli 1 aasta ja 8 kuud. Sest ta lõi politseinikku. Ta pandi kokku tapjatega ning see oli päris õõvastav kogemus, mida ta pikalt kirjeldama ei hakanud.

"Hea tüdruk oled, kui saaks, siis võtaks naiseks. Tõsiselt kah, ega ma ei valeta. Aga no see on ainult nali, tead küll. Sellepärast ütlen, et hea oled. Ütlen kolm korda, see on ju kohtuseadus. Ära nüüd muretse, ega ma siis halva pärast. No mine siis, aitäh! Ja ära oma rindu ära kaota, see on õnnistus. Ära neid liiga palju näita ka, muidu veel vaadatakse.."

Jalustrabav ausus. Ta patsutab mind õlale nagu vana sõpra ja niimoodi me lahku lähemegi. Ta soovis veel mu autos soojas istuda 10 minutit, kuid seal kohas tõmbasin ma joone maha ja astusin oma teele.

Tükk aega seedisin seda kõike läbi, mis nüüd juhtus. Raputasin omaenda maailma. Avastasin võimalikkust edasi. Ja isegi kui korraks mõtlesin, kas tegin ikka hästi, leidsin endast palju head tunnet, mis mind sellest kogemusest oli läbi kandnud, isegi kui kohati ma astusin sammu tagasi, tundes ta pesematusest tekkinud lõhna...lehka... Aga no mis siis sellest, see on ju elu. Maa peal pole midagi räpast. Mustus on lihtsalt mustus.


Tema silmad on heledad, selged ja siirad.
Tema olemasolu on kingitus.

Kui Sul on, siis jaga seda teistega. Sa ei saa kaotada, hoopis võita. Me oleme õed ja vennad siin Maal.

What is the time? It is Now

Here I write down a question for You.

Siin on küsimus Sulle.

We both ask to give us some feedback about how all this "Semiluuto" has influenced You, 

Palume teil anda meile tagasisidet selle kohta kuis "Semiluuto" on Sinu jaoks olemas,

how you feel and think about that, 

mida Sa tunned ja mõtled selle kohta,

what is good and what is bad ~

mis on halb ja mis on hea ~

let it all out,

lase kõik välja,

long or short,

pikalt või lühikeselt,

black and white or colourful.

mustvalgelt või värviliselt.

~

This is how we are going to move on,

Sedamoodi me kasvame ja areneme,

sharing ideas, 

jagades ideesid,

sharing lives.

jagades elusid.

Speaking our Truth.

Rääkides oma Tõde.

Maybe something moves in you when you read and then you think that it is not worth mentioning...

but IT IS! You are the One. We all are connected and we can use tool of verbal and written communication to see the world from different angles, to share how we see.

semiluuto@gmail.com

 

Võibolla midagi liigutub Sinus kui loed... siis aga jätad selle mainimata, sest arvad, et see pole seda väärt... aga tead mis, SEE ON! 

Me oleme kõik ühendatud ja meie kasutada on kõneline ja kirjaline suhlemine,

et saaksime maailma näha erinevatest vaatekohtadest,

jagada seda, mida läbi eneste kogeme.

semiluuto@gmail.com

Täname. Olge lahked.

Thank you for your kindness.

And now you can continue with what else came up today... :)

~~~~~~~~

Some things change. Some things do not change.

There is happiness and sadness bound to those realizations. Over it all goes peace. It is observation, it is allowance.

Every morning and every night when I go to sleep I say: "All of Life comes to me with Ease and Joy and Glory!" 
This is called manifestation. I have done it for years now. As I look back to my life lived since I started that, I have to say, that it is truth. This is how my life is being created.
I am the Creator of my life. I am learning to listen to my Spirit, to listen to the Universe. It can take different forms and it can be called with different names. Some of those who are on this path, call themselves as yogis, some of them markames, shamans and so on.

I am from a place on Earth, where we do not have wide-known traditions. Estonians are the most irreligional people on the planet... (by Wikipedia) All that gives us a chance to go along with the energetical changes happening in those times of Now. Light is growing stronger and so are shadows. First things I heard about when I came to Estonia were this economical crisis (called MASU over here - new word is even being created!) and loss of jobs and salaries.
My first reaction was that I want to go back there where I just came from - West coast of Canada, beautiful British Columbia, Vancouver Island.

Then I was reminded to be where I am. This is a doorway to inner peace. I went along with my brother who has created a space to live, which is wood-heated and in an old house, made out of wood. This is a yin-apartment, not so much light from outside. But there is not much light out there anyways. Sky is gray and water is falling down in different forms.

Just here, in this sweet and warm cave I am taking my time to rest and give time to the body to adjust with the different time and environment, temperature and food.
The training I used to take part for 3 years, has evolved and moved on. It is called BodyMindSchool (KehaMeeleKool) Gladly there is space for me to go and tap myself in, to wake up some skills which are there in my body-memory and also to go and understand it from another level. This year of being a traveller has taught me something about the World. I am understood there too. Now it is time to move on and create something new. It is all coming.

Marian. There is the Light. Tartu. Estonia.

Friends of my brother and friends of mine are joining together, those who's hearts have directions in common. It is celebration of Life. It is a gift for me here to see how the community awakes and grows and World really comes together.

Sander. Just come along. Tartu. In the Kitchen.

I am supported by various people and their actions around the world. I am sure to find the right information on the right time. Be free to share your insights and inspirations. I see that it is happening every day - that people realize that the answers cannot be found from outside, they are there, inside.
So decide to get to know yourself better and your issues will be solved, step by step.

You are the change you want to see in the world. There is nowhere to push it forward. Look through the illusions and choose what is right for the Heart, not for the mind. Because mind created world is degrading and falling apart. New children are being born who know what they are doing here, they are well connected with their Spirits and as they grow, they are going to build up the societies where the voice of the mind is used wisely, controlled, not controlling.

For those who are somewhere in the middle of this change, things can be challenging and confusing at certain times. It is a lesson to go through, it is there for us to wake up and let go of the things we are trained to think and have and worry about.
It is all about trust and simplicity and freedom.

Freedom to eat well, to live in balance, to have good friends around and to do what is fulfilling and motivating.

So, if you happen to have ask time next time, take a look at your wrist (and jewelery there) and see that the Time Is Now ~

~alleaa~

The Day of Miracles

Well. A book called "A New Light on Ascension" by Diana Cooper had huge impact to my day. I realized that I have changed and I have been lost. That I am now ready to follow exercises and meditations provided in this book. I am getting into the connection with the Spirit.

As I was walking towards free moksha yoga class, so happy with my decision to go there, I met a man I was just thinking to meet. We didn't have each others contacts. But there he was.

Later on the day I created a blogsite for Freya stories. This is sharing of our summer and of our commitment. I have put myself into it and this energy carried me to manifest this page - freyatheschooner.wordpress.com

There are some pictures already, more will come.
I take it as a game... we will see how it goes and grows and it will all happen only when it has to happen.

Then Azelia wanted to give me Sacred Fire Community newsletter, she asked me to call if I can come and meet up to go to see Grandmother Ocean. Well, payphone didn't get my message, so I went down to the ocean with a good hope and wish to find her and that she will go there even without getting any word from me.

I looked around, not seeing her. Well, I will just go down to the beach then. And there, there was another woman, girl that I just met on last weekend, we ran into each other yesterday too! What a coincidence! This meeting had to happen. She is sharing a path with me. Her mother is a healer, soundhealing and other things. She sings and plays piano... There is more to discover. And from the first moment I saw her, I felt so familiar...
Now we arranged a dinner. We followed guidance.

And as we walked up from the stairs and were about to say goodbye, Azelia walked towards us!
Perfect timing!

So,
this is how things are happening Now, in the Non-Sequential, Non-Logical Miraculous Reality.
Hard to think and plan anymore. I am guided, we are guided to give up all that and just trust the moment.

I can walk in the leaves which are on the ground...
Incence sticks were waiting for me on a freepile...
Sunset was so serene and light...
Finally I am finding myself again, funny that I am leaving this place now, just when it is all going easier. But I do not resist. I AM guided.

"Spare some change!"

http://jakecollier.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/homeless-man.jpg

Spare some change!
.
Spare some change.
.
Spare some change!
.

This day I had walked by from one homeless guy on the street. I walked by, but I carried him with me. I looked back. I thought back.
I stepped into a book shop, used books. It is the biggest around. And they have so many books there. I was looking for Ram Dass "Be Here Now". It wasn't there. But another one was - "How can I help?" I opened it and read....how we make difference who to help. How our family is closer to us than somebody else's family. And how we pass by from the people on the streets. We even don't dare to watch them. And we don't dare to see other people on the street either. What about smiling to them?
On the public transport or other busy places we find ourselves so interested in our shoes..or ceiling... or just nothing... something to keep us away from connection with a fellow human.

I bought a book about angels. Diana Cooper.
What am I looking for?
Help.
I am looking for myself.
This is so weird that I think that books will help. Maybe they will.
And from the library I have taken lots of books. About interesting things. Natives and peaceful warrior, medicine woman and prayers, chinese medicine and herbs... I just feel like learning.
Then again I realize that I might know myself. That those books are just tools.., I am the worker.
I am healer.
Why am I so lost sometimes?
Why is this world so sick?

I continued walking on the streets.
Another man on the street.
His voice sounded like a broken branch. He was wearing dark glasses and white stick was with him. He was sitting on a bench, white plastic bucket in his hands.
"Spare some change!
Spare some change!"

I stopped. Somehow the fact that he was blind, gave me more courage. I took 2 dollars from my moneybag and went close to him. I gave him the money and then I talked with him.
Tomorrow they will make bloodtest to him and day after tomorrow one of his kidneys will be removed. He can barely walk. He is asking money for food.
I asked if he has home and he said that he has a place that might be called as home, but it is a bunk, it is a place with broken lights and mice running around. He doesn't see that but others have told him that.
"They do not care."
"Who?"
"Government. There is so much food waste, but nobody gives that to us. They throw it into garbage and get insurance money from that."

I listened and thought about us, freegans of Victoria, young people finding free food from dumpsters, finding free furniture and clothes from the street... What makes us different from this guy on the street?
His mother died 2 months ago. He has had sight but now he is blind. Nobody wants to employ him.

I thank him for being there. For giving others a chance to feel compassion.
Chance to share. Chance to dare.
It was a challenge to me.
Also when I walked away, hearing his continuous pitiful shouts - "Spare some change..", I was almost crying.
So this is the world.
We go and buy more things to satisfy our wantings, we are proud to earn a lot of money and wear expensive perfume from France...we struggle in our spiritual searches, we go and shop in fancy organic markets and think that if we get ourselves a good yoga clothes and go and sweat a lot in moksha yoga....then this will be enough.

If I help friends, but I do not care about people on the streets - am I compassionate?

I feel the feelings of the World.
Paavo says that it is normal. I am those feelings.
It is true.
Also it is challenging. Cause some people feel so lost, sad and unhappy..., mistreated and abused, not listened and not loved. I feel that too.
Where comes the change?

Still.
I am positive.
I know that it starts with Love.
I Love.
I love myself and then I can love the others.
I feel compassion, but I cannot go along. Life is a gift.

It is time to take responsibility for us all. It is time to see and choose. It is time to wake up and act. It is time to care and open our hearts to the Now. Be Here Now. I am looking for that. But this is something I know within. This IS.

~May we be guided into our highest wisdom, unity and connection.
May our spirits talk through us,
may our bodies be clean temples for the Light.~

Dive Into Life

Paavo linked me with this and it feels like a blessing just right now. This book is from 1971, but some truths will remain the same, even if time passes by. Universal Light.
I encourage you to take a look,
it is strong.

World is shifting.

Be Here Now by Ram Dass

Healing Tears

Life becomes so real when a guy who seems usually a bit distant and in his own world, calling me crazy, comes into the house and just falls to the couch, tears in his eyes. He broke up with the girl and he is so wasted that he doesn't like that at all... And all of a sudden all the sadness and stories of his life are alltogether, so real and strong. I stop my writing and I go and sit down to him, feeling so serious, wishing to help him.
He has done his best but that wasn't enough. All his efforts seem to be wasted.
He wants to be drunk and waisted as hell, cause there is nothing else he can see.
And I feel sad, understanding and sharing his feelings.
Yet, as he feels so weak and unworthy, I see it as a strength. I thank him for being so strong in his weakness.

I make a tea. Sudden strength comes into me. I am so grateful to him to open up so much. I feel connection now and I feel a calling from his soul. This makes me realize that my calling to be a healer is again right. That my sorrows and sadnesses are so small. My life this time is meant to be for serving the others, my own growth and learning comes through that. I am here to walk over the bridges and to give hands.

And as I found this inspiration to help him in his situation I also realized that this is the way I am supposed to help myself when I feel low, sad and useless.
There is always Light to choose. Path of the Light is waiting for us. We just are blinded with our sorrows and stories that we turn our eyes from that, even when we are aware of this option.

It is easy to turn and connect with another wound, with another hurt-one. To find a similar shadow.
It takes courage to look higher, to look into the light and to stretch your back and go pass your fears and dramas.
This is why we are here, on the Earth.
To find a path to the Light.
We try to kill ourselves, to drink, to smoke, to eat bad, to take drugs... just because we do not love ourselves. Just because we think we are not worthy. Worthy of things to come into our lives with ease and joy and glory.
We continue creating misery and disappointment into our lives with our thoughts.
It is hard to face that. To take responsibility of our thoughts and acts.
Still.
It is there, waiting to take a lead, to choose and to be free.

I tell it all to myself again and again. I find new proofs to that and it sinks into me deeper and deeper. Why can't I get it all at once and will be free, will be enlighted... This is just the way things work on the Earth. It is slow. But steady.
Surrendering is the key.


It is so hard to let go of the need to do much. To rush. To Do Something Important!
I think this is the sickness of our world.
Gladly, there is a girl, woman, in my house, Elizabeth. And being with her is like doing nothing. It is like choosing less. Choosing a path into simplicity and clarity. People do not like less. People like more. That is why she is not seen by many, not connected with many. But she is. And I am learning to see her. And together we teach each other. I encourage her and she encourages me.

People are mysterious. Never judge or assume anything. Just listen to them. Let your thoughts go. Let it be.


/I found Deva Premal "Love is Space" from the street. Listening./

Fall and Rise

I can smell it. I can feel it. Stars are falling in the darker and darker nights. Still there is some warmth. Summer knows that soon comes the time to fade, so He gives His best to impress us, to show His affection. And we like it too. We appreciate His hugs. Still, we know that this is the hug of goodbye. Fall is whispering its tender and soothing words, letting us to meet with the fruits of what we have grown. Also She brings us some sadness, this beauty of falling leaves. And we can light the candle and say sincere words to the dear ones around.

"You have chosen the life of gypsy," he told me when I asked what happens if I do not come back here... Tears in my eyes I felt. The team of Freya will spread soon, just two weeks more. Life guides everybody into a different direction. And after all that I will go too. And I do not know if I will ever come back, I do not know what the life will bring to me.
Have I chosen the life of a gypsy, following the wind?
He, Ty, told me that some people will always remember me, the angel, who came into their lives and brought light with her.
"I haven't choose that. Can you choose the winds?" I told.

So pure and beautiful it all is. I feel small in the middle of this big Life, happening and guiding us, giving us some clues, still we are unaware and stupid enough, maybe blessed, not to know what is going to happen. How are the lives of people being bound and torn apart and brought back together. We wish and we want to control. Yet, what can a drop of water in the ocean do when the wave taking her along to a stormy adventure, shores far abroad...

Then turned on the music which was with me when I was in Haapsalu. Paavo has put together this mixture. And you can listen to it too : http://www.zshare.net/audio/57113174063cd9c8/

I connected myself with the Internet. Last night under the stars I realized that Internet is something so natural for us now. It is so vast. And people keep adding information to it. And it feels so natural to find answers to all our questions from there. It is like this mutual energyfield, informationsource, we all build up and we all can access. It is enormous and beautiful. We use simple system of zeros and ones to store it all, we have machines to understand those codes...
It might be a step on our way to connectedness, connection even without computers and storage places. It is going to be very intuitive and ever-accessable. It is there already. Just we are not ready for that. We are learning and preparing ourselves. And then it will happen, so naturally that we might not even notice.


The Signs.
One reference letter for Chinese Medicine school just came to me. And I read it with wonder and tears. Strong reflextion of me. I am stunned to see this sight from aside, myself from a distant, from a man I highly admire and appreciate, the Master of Neijing Chinese Medicine School in Haapsalu, Estonia.
And then I got a letter from the School, saying that they got the letter. And the time I recieved that was 12:12.
I know that it is what I am supposed to do.
It is hard to trust it all sometimes. Cause I still do not know how it will all come together, how will I find al the money I need, how can I go trough the process of getting visa. And then how can I cope with the longing for Estonian language, dear friends there... Huh. It is just much sometimes. And this unknowingness - how it will all be together, all those people and places in my life.
And Mother is missing me, is calling me back. I know that, I miss it all too. Still. I am here. I am called to be a Healer.
It becomes more and more clear to me.
And even when I start to doubt from time to time, I am guided back to this track. And whatever form it will take, I have to surrender.
I believe I will recognize my path to follow.
All the dear people here and on the other side of the ocean will be in my Heart. And the Heart is expanding and going to be big enough to fit you all in. To be with all of it.


Thank you all who make my stories epic for me to live.
And believe me, your stories are as epic for me. And get inspired and I continue my path here. This the gift we share with each other.
In the
Felloship of Light.

Island in North and Mothers and Elders

Under a cedar tree ~ this is where I slept for two nights, in a natural shelter. And I stayed dry, even though it was raining pretty much.
I learned trust and simplicity ~ nature takes care of us.
I heard animals in the nighttime, but white light surrounded me, so I was safe.

It was on Read Island, the northest place I have been around here. We had to hitchike a boat to get there. Music and community festival was happening and gladly I was taken along. Beautiful people and dancing~

The others left and stayed behind, meeting with new friends, facing adventure.
I am grateful that it happened like this,
I swam in the ocean, full of stardust, in the nighttime. Magical and warm.
Musicians reminded me to create music, to be in the music again, more.
Art and creation ~ this is the way to free the mind,
to do nothing while doing so much. It is a mission and freedom.

I met with a woman, GypsyMama, who had things to remind me. Lightwork and trust, magic and angels. I am on my way, I have to be sure. To follow the path, to be clear and light.
To feed the body well, to meditate and purify.

So, the next day I went to get some good nuts and oil and I met with another woman, who's dream is to get a green van and to drive around and provide alternative remedies to people for healing.
Great.



Mother.
It is so great to have a mother.
This trust and unconditional love and listening ~ I learn to appreciate this, I learn to notice this power.
I miss you, my friends,
lightworkers in the World.
My roots are in Estonia,
in the wild and small roads,
in the language and hugs.

It will all come together somehow,
people in English and people in Estonian,
my hearts bounds it.

Wherever my road is taking me, I am going to be here.
Here and now.
In love.



Thank you all~
May you fly and may you cry~

Life on the Flow

I am in the process of learning how to live so that there is no home. There is no actual place where I go every day and have my stuff organized and set. I have put down my bag in one house, Fernwood-House, and as one of the guys, Georgio, is always at her girlfriends place, I can sleep at his bed. But the house is sometimes so crowded that I do not feel enough space there, so I go somewhere else. It happens that I go along with Tyler who is couchsurfing-living in Redfern-House - there I have spent my nights. My paiting is there too. And then now I met with people, mother, her children (at my age) and a young couple - they live near to the sea, in a big house. They called me to their art-night and I ended up sleeping in an empty room they haven't rented out yet. So, so far this is the best spot to be to have some space..\

And Today made a gift for me - I decided to follow my little Marian and she told me to go and play, to put together some puzzle, to read, to make two pigtails with my hair and to take it all easy... This day then brought an accordion to my life too. In this last house, it can be called Moss-House (cause it is on Moss street), this Beauty, white accordion with golden keys instead of black ones, made in Italy, just waited me to open its box. It seems that I am in love of accordion. The sound! It can be so long, so sensitive, so meditative! I am gonna follow this path in music, I do hope so! Maybe I can even go and do some busking!

Oh!
Full Moon again just passed by. I celebrated that with this gorgeous Estonian lady, such a free communication-flow, mainly in English, still in Estonian too (her parents were Estonians, language from 30-ties or so (before the second war)), nice mixture! Anyways, that is great how people can be so connected, in one hand just because they share the nationality (then comes the question - what is that?) and also, we share the understanding about life. I like to talk with old people who have learned some great stuff in their lives already. I kind of feel old too. Older than some others are, who are actually at my age. It is satisfying to be able to loose all those age-barriers and just be, be spiritually connected. Some kids are wiser than some old folks.
Oh, and this Estonian Lady has a son.
As I talked with him, I learned and realized how important is to feel connected in the heart level. I guess I have been looking for mind-intellectual similarities with peope some time ago. Then I was intrigued when somebody had some knowledge about spirituality and this k6ssa-m6ssa... and now it seems to me that what really matters is how we live our lives daily. How we are able to smile even if we have no idea how we are going to pay the rent for the next month.. and even if we do not know where are we going to sleep tonight... This wisdom of life - how to be in balance, how to observe one's feelings and thoughts and not to get too serious about them, just to let them be, teach and release... And then how to interact with the people around you - with whom to be, how to express yourself, how to say no to somebody even if you want to be nice and all this... but to realize that sometimes being honest with yourself means that you might dissapoint somebody else cause you are not following her\his expectations. The truth is that we are not responsible for other people's expetations. They choose their thoughts, they create their issues. We just have to be honest and sincere and talk clearly and with love and compassion. And if there are dramas around, then they are there to be handled with care and compassion, but there is no need to really go along with them and put our own energy into them - it just feeds the wolf who doesn't have to be fed. This is honesty. And it can be harsh. It is necessary.


It feels so different to write today. Like writing to somebody. Everybody. Like writing a magazine. Maybe my brain started to work differently. Cause I talked with my inner child. She sesems pretty young there. Though, it seems that she can be in different ages too. It is just a matter of approach. Heh, she has always been kind of older than she is supposed to be. And actually, she likes to play, even while being so "old" and smart...


Anyways (what an expression! which I have started to use, because of those ship-guys ...). Those 45 feet long masts (main and foremast) and other sticks like booms and gaffs are now moved to a random's guys backyard (we just knocked on his door yesterday cause he had a small wooden boat in a back of his house and we ended up saying that we need a place to keep our masts and he just said that his yard is big enough and when we invite him to a party thats all what he really needs in return... :) - miracles do happen every day! It was funny too, cause Tyler just picked an Angel's card before going out and it was "Miracles". Thanks Angels! I like trusting you!

Being grounded is a mission in those days. For lots of people. Some say that I am grounding for them. So I keep on working with my own stability and Earth connection, to be able to help others with my presence. This is why we, humans, are for each other - to support and inspire and care and Love. I find it challenging sometimes. It is a magical mission though. Specially when seen as a game. Game of Life!


Seems like a long sharing here now.
In English too.
This language is more and more natural for me. I like learning it and I like to improve my writing and talking skills. I observe my brain and mouth working differently than ever before.
I do believe that Estonian is not going to get lost either. My poems and songs are still in Estonian mostly. And letters to people. I am just happy that there is this other language in me now, which I can use with ease, I am able to connect with people trough that!
All Estonians, reading those lines,
thank you for challenging yourselves. I hope that you understand! And you are allowed to say it out loud when I seem arrogant to you in this matter. Just be sure that I am still just who I am. Connected to you.


I feel grateful that you read my writings. It is a gift for me when somebody finds something from those lines. Kadri just said beautiful words to me. Thank you! I do my best to recieve compliments. I take it as a lesson and life offers me this in those days. I have heard some songs about myself, how my presence is appreciated... and thanks and hugs. And through that I learn how to be neutral in myself with that. How to be grateful, but not to stick my nose high up. And also not to be fed with those nice words and not to be dependant on those. Cause I am. I just am. And I am not nice because I like when people like me. I mean, it is good to get well along with people, but I find it tireing to act and to try to be somebody I really am not. So, when I want to be silent, I am. And when I want to go, I just go, without waiting people's approval and without feeling a need to explain and apologise myself. I found myself being pretty stupid sometimes. Actually it is such a releaf to be able to be in peace with myself even if I act stupid one in a while... :)

I sound funny to myself now,
so,
I guess it is time to go to bed.

I love the smell of the air. Humid and fresh.
House is asleep
and I have a room and a bed to go just now - feels great! I can imagine that it is my home tonight! Simple as that! :) Life in eternal Now! :D



Blessings~
Prayers~
World is round!

God knows / Jumal teab

What now
when brother is in Estonia?
I am here.
Asking where is my home.
And answer is still - I am wind on the field.
Homeless.
Just with me.
So,
is this the end of our travel or just another step into the unknown future, on the Path of Light?
Our creation,
Semiluuto,
has served us well.
Has been around, with us, with you.
Where it all goes?
God knows.


Mis siis nyyd,
n2ed, vend on Eestimaal,
ses taskuriigis.
Mina siin, mere kaldal,
kysin, kus on mu kodu
ja vastuseks kuulen tuult - olen ikka tuul v2ljal.
Kus kyll on hinge kodu?
Mis on see siis nyyd - kas me reisi l6pp v6i hoopis j2rgmine samm Valguse Teel?
Semiluuto on olnud heas teenistuses, nii meile, nii teile.
Kuhu l2heb rada?
Jumal teab.

Be the one you are

Summer they say
yes I may
smell the plants


Wait and see
this is me
listening to you


say yes
and say no
this is game
we all know


so take it easy
take it simple
do as you please
do what you need


the wolf you feed
will grow indeed


~~~~~~~~~~~~~


Freepiles on the streets - you find what you ask for.
It is time for my home to come,
so I can put my teapot and windbells to sing there
and there is room for you to come and be.

Patience. Again and again
I am reminded to stay in peace
even if the joy of finding something overwhelms me -
to ground and see
what I really need
and let the time to tell me
what is true
what is real.

Let the flow carry you,
let the dreams be your wings
life can be lived
with ease
and joy
and glory
just believe.


This dream
we say it's real
illusions in mind
don't be blind
look trough
look behind
listen to the voice
you do not hear
unless you
are silent inside



People
kind in heart
children we are
want to be loved
want to be heard

So
you can listen
and you can whisper
to share
and love
until you are alive
here on the Earth
walking on feet
and working with hands
hugging
and caring
and smiling around

Be at home wherever you are and you will find home where you are

Gift of this day is solitude.
I woke up hearing how Victor left, telling to the libanese painters who came to make windows white that a girl is sleeping in the house. This girl opened her eyes, coming back to this realm we call reality. To the house where she has a permission to be, to keep her stuff, to move things, to clean, to breath, to make fire.

She made 5 Tibetian exercises. This is the first week when 21 repetitions are made.

Light and easy. Clouds in the sky. Livingroom is such a state now that it feels home to be there.
The girl is learning that a touch can change so much - it is all about moving and blowing life into the things, giving them care and love and so they wake up and start to shine. They find their reason to be and they are so grateful in their places. And if listened, they tell where they want to be, where is their best place to serve this room.

Wet piece of fabric is a tool to clean surfaces. Small movements, reaching the bottom of the surfaces, releasing dust and dirt. This is the time to listen. To see life from aside.

Internet is near in those days, still, I haven't write here so much. I have been living. I have lots to tell, but for some reason it is inside, growing bigger and getting smaller. Things come and go. I forget some. I remember some. I hope that when I am a grandmother, I remember small stories to tell to my children and grandchildren. And friends, just take time to listen and ask, if I am around. And even if I do not talk, all what has happened with me, has shaped me, has released things which had to go. The river is getting cleaner in its flow.

Moments of reflection, moments of looking back, looking forward as being here and now.
Tribune bay in Hornby. This is where I slept one night, kayaked and watched the tides. Low tide in this picture.

Life is giving me beautiful experiences and pictures around.
I found oysters from the beach of Hornby (an island more north from Victoria), we ate octopus who was caught by a bald eagle, I kayaked alone amongst the waves of pacific ocean (from a bay to a bay though :), I drove car back from this island while the boys were sleeping - I do remember how to keep a car on the road, even on highway now. They said that Estonian licence works here as well. Skills do work for sure.
And the ocean - it was so warm there that I could stay in it as long as I wanted to... Here in Victoria is cold. It is refreshing.
So, you can find paradise islands around here where ocean gives you food, you can swim and go to the forests... and even being naked is allowed somewhere.
Oh, and on this island there is a Free Shop where you can go and take what you like. And you can bring things there as you please. Clothes, books and all kinds of stuff. No stress. I feel this is the way things should be - free! Sharing.
If there is no money accompanied, people are more kind and giving - if they get food for free they feel like sharing with the others for free as well. Same with living and things. And I believe this is how it can be. And even if you buy things, you can have this freedom to share and give for free. Cause all what you give, will come back to you.




All the others from this house went to a festival in mainland, near Vancouver. It is party there for them. Victor stayed to help to clean the house and to work with his projects. Today he is out.

Precious time alone.
Music with me.

Being here is so different from all the other moments during my trip. I have been in various places, houses, cities... and I have always wanted to go on after a certain amount of time. As I went somewhere I knew that I will leave this place soon.
Here.
Heh, I am not feeling or thinking about going somewhere else. I feel like at home here. I gather my strenght, I move things and I dance this dance of life. I straighten my back and look into the eyes of the presence. Movement is in smaller scale. I am observing. I am awake and I am ready to find a place for my body to feel good.

School. It is here. Chinese Medicine School again. This time it can be full time studying with ~500 hours of clinical practise. If I start now I can be ready for 2012. There are 4 schools here in Victoria and I have looked around, observing and feeling them, watching signs and small things.
My mind tries to confuse me, but my soul has decided already. This school is called Pacific Rim College. I like that the word "pacific" is inside this school. Space there is the most beautiful. It is in the centre of the town, white rooms and high ceilings, wooden floors and walls made of stone... People are kind and school is flexible. It is the newest around, but this doesn't scare me, I like it instead. Cause it is fresh and opened to the possibilies, ready to meet with the wishes of students.

Visas and permissions - I am searching my way through this world. I am doing my best to feel that all is possible. Time will tell. I believe.


Earth Angels are gathering.
There are at least 4 of them in this household. And we can share the vision, our thoughts and creation - it is similar and it is so good to feel the support in those matters which can sound as something totally crazy to somebody else. But this is what is happening on the Earth now.
That soon we have to be ready to survive with the nature, to be able to grow our own food, to live in communities, to share and love. Now is the time to look around, to learn and meet with people, to start forming the communties and finding places where to do it. It is all coming together. It is already 2009, half of it is through soon. Travelling might not be possible when we run out of gas soon..., people in the cities can be in hard situations cause they depend on the system so much. But the system is collapsing.

We are so use to it all what we see around in the society and it is hard to see it from aside. To see it differently. But there are another views.
Some information is not shared, instead we are slaves of other information which is manipulating with us, is pushing us towards more consumption, feeling insecure, being afraid, being stranger with neighbours, being stressed and sick, feeling lack, feeling jelous.

Our spirits are never caught with all that. We can be free inside. And this freedoms flows out from us when we live in it. When we live in Peace.
I know inside myself that another world, New Earth, is coming. Big changes. And my generation is here to be warriors. We break down things, we rebel and we are challenged. Our children can start planting the seeds. We are here to give support them.


*


I love getting older. Time on the Earth is valuable and I am learning a lot here. 23 years on this planet. It is getting better and better.

There are smells to smell. I like how The Oak Tree smells a bit like moss. And how some flowers do not have any smell at all.
Indian plums taste so purple that my mouth changes its colour.
Salmonberries are like raspberries, but their colour is like salmon. And they are sweet.
There are huckleberries, like Huckleberry Finn. But I haven't tasted them yet cause they are not ready.
Spinach is growing in the backyard and when I go by I eat this delicious green plant.


Fields of gold - I walked on the fields of gold last evening when the sun was setting... Ocean was strong and windy, white tips on the waves. Gloves and a hat gave me enough warmth.
Solstice is coming.
Chimney in this house woke up, so the fire is here with me.
Nights are short. It is the time of the light.

This is how it was yesterday. Not my picture. But from here.




***
Long writing.
So, take it easy. Take your time.
And you have already taken :)

Roosad kastani6ied on langenud

\see paistab, kui vaadata yle ookeani - USA valged tipud. This is what I see over the ocean - white mountaintops of USA\


Lippan m2est yles paljajalu - seal t2navanurgal on Tamm ja tema all on rohi muruks niitmata, on hein, on kui oder lehvimas tuules. Seal on selline ruum, mis on taevaga seoses, maa tugevus toetamas.
Tyler on selle koha sisse t88tanud juba ja nyyd ma saan minna ja hommikul istuda, harjutusi teha. Ja 6htul saab ka minna. Selle maja inimesed j2tsid selle heameelega niimoodi. Kyll on 6nn.

Selle aja sees, mis olen siin saarel, Victoria linnas olnud, on kastani6ied puudelt kadumas, nende kuninglikud kroonid langetavad oma pead. Ja siin kohtusin roosade k6rgeausustega, nii malbed ja kerged.

P2evad on saanud nii soojaks, et tuleb kiiresti kimada, siis tuul jahutab.
Olen majas, kus liigub ringi palju inimesi ja kus on ka korralikku kaost - see t2hendab, et saan n6usid pesta ja p6randaid pyhkida ja pean ytlema, et see meeldib mulle! Leian korrakergust ja armastust ses t88s. Ja tunnen, kuidas see inimestele m6jub. Siia majja sattus nyyd ka rohkem naisi, mis toob laulmist ja tantsu ja lehvimist ringi. Inimeste n2od saavad naerule.
Saan ka minna teisale, istutada tomatitaimi ja teha syya ilusas katuseaknaga k88gis.
Kulgemise vabadus.

Ja tundub, et olen pidanud siia tulema, et kohtuda Maa-Inglitega, eriti haldjatega, keda on heasti m2rgata. Selles majas on neid isegi 2 praegu, ja neid on ymber veelgi! Yleilmaline kogunemine on toimumas, tajun.

Praegu on ajad, mil tuleb 6ppida, kuidas elada koos Emakese Maaga. Maailmas juhtub paljut, systeemid rappuvad oma alustaladel.. See, mis juhtub, on meie eneste luua ja 2ra tunda. Intuitsiooni tuleb kuulata. V6ib juhtuda, et yhel hetkel tuleb osata elada looduse keskel, j22da ellu sellega, mis olemas on, olla s6ltumatu systeemist, mis sind kontrollida ja suunata soovib.

Siin olen elanud oma synnip2evast alates peaaegu yldse raha kulutamata. Sest siin on palju toitu yle - noored teavad, kust seda leida. Olen inimestega, kes lubavad mul oma katuse all magada.. Mida veel on eluks vaja? Leidsin riideid, mida keegi enam ei vajanud... Oh, ringlus ja jagamine!
Ometi kasutame seda yhiskonda, kasutame, et on poed ja 2rid, kel asju yle j22b.
Ja samas on majade aedades sirgumas rohelised lehed, mida syya, tomatid, mida sygisel noppida, peedid ja kartulid - loomulik suund on omaenese toidu kasvatamisele. Ja mina t6den r66muga, et meie pere on seda teinud mu lapsep6lveski - see on omane ja lihtne mulle. Seest t6usevad teadmised v2lja, saan aidata ja kaasa lyya.

Jah, maailm muutubki.
Kuulan maad ja tuuli, astun samme l2hemale indiaanlastele, sinna mu hing mind juhatab praegu. See on aeglane tee, see muudab elu. Ma astun.
Suled on juhatuseks.

Alternatiivelu.
Praegu on teadmiste kogumine, et oskaks yhel hetkel eladagi iseseisvalt, s6brad toetuseks. Valgust88lised yhinevad ja loovad valgusv6rku yle maa. Olen siin. Selle sees.
Eestimaa juured on vajalikud, tammede toetus ja iidsed tarkused. Ei ole ma niisama valinud seda haldjakeelt k6nelemiseks ja v2ikese rahva toetust seljataha. Imeline synkroonsus on elu.

Iga samm, mis astume, on nii vajalik. Meie m6tted loovad maailma m6tteid ja liikumissuundi.
Vali kergus ja helgus,
hoolitse oma keha eest,
joo puhast vett, armastusega.
R22gi puude ja lilledega, silita me Emakest Maad.
Ja inimesed, kellega kohtud, kuula neid siiralt. Unusta oma arvamused ja piirid - luba neil olla, armasta neid lihtsalt - maailm vajab yhinemist, myyride lagunemist, teineteisele k2e ulatamist!

***

Life has leaded me here, where I wake up in the morning, go and sit under the oak tree, just up on this Fernwood street. Those people there have left the grass tall and it gives this space to be, to do exercises, to listen. To touch.

Lightwork is happening - lightworkers are gathering. I meet with fairies and elves and wise ones.. We are here to support each other, to learn how to live with the Mother Earth. And then in one point we might need to go to the forest and to survive, to feed ourselves, to grow our own food. And to know how to build and how to cooperate with the Earth.
It is a challenge.

I make my prayers to meet with Elders and Medicine People, to learn. To be humble and in service.

Love your neighbours,
say hello to people you have never greeted!
Give up your fears, just find out who you are,
try and play!

I am cleaning the kitchen and everything - I feel inspired - it brings light and ease into peoples mind, when there is less trash around... And working is a part of the game. Indeed.

Lets support each other on those journeys!

Light and Love,
sincerety and true words,
Please!

Thank You!

~*~

The Lightworkers Decision

Valgust88liste Valik


Ait2h,
aitab.

M6istmine ja jagamine.

Thank you,
it helps.

Understanding and sharing.