Life on the Flow

I am in the process of learning how to live so that there is no home. There is no actual place where I go every day and have my stuff organized and set. I have put down my bag in one house, Fernwood-House, and as one of the guys, Georgio, is always at her girlfriends place, I can sleep at his bed. But the house is sometimes so crowded that I do not feel enough space there, so I go somewhere else. It happens that I go along with Tyler who is couchsurfing-living in Redfern-House - there I have spent my nights. My paiting is there too. And then now I met with people, mother, her children (at my age) and a young couple - they live near to the sea, in a big house. They called me to their art-night and I ended up sleeping in an empty room they haven't rented out yet. So, so far this is the best spot to be to have some space..\

And Today made a gift for me - I decided to follow my little Marian and she told me to go and play, to put together some puzzle, to read, to make two pigtails with my hair and to take it all easy... This day then brought an accordion to my life too. In this last house, it can be called Moss-House (cause it is on Moss street), this Beauty, white accordion with golden keys instead of black ones, made in Italy, just waited me to open its box. It seems that I am in love of accordion. The sound! It can be so long, so sensitive, so meditative! I am gonna follow this path in music, I do hope so! Maybe I can even go and do some busking!

Oh!
Full Moon again just passed by. I celebrated that with this gorgeous Estonian lady, such a free communication-flow, mainly in English, still in Estonian too (her parents were Estonians, language from 30-ties or so (before the second war)), nice mixture! Anyways, that is great how people can be so connected, in one hand just because they share the nationality (then comes the question - what is that?) and also, we share the understanding about life. I like to talk with old people who have learned some great stuff in their lives already. I kind of feel old too. Older than some others are, who are actually at my age. It is satisfying to be able to loose all those age-barriers and just be, be spiritually connected. Some kids are wiser than some old folks.
Oh, and this Estonian Lady has a son.
As I talked with him, I learned and realized how important is to feel connected in the heart level. I guess I have been looking for mind-intellectual similarities with peope some time ago. Then I was intrigued when somebody had some knowledge about spirituality and this k6ssa-m6ssa... and now it seems to me that what really matters is how we live our lives daily. How we are able to smile even if we have no idea how we are going to pay the rent for the next month.. and even if we do not know where are we going to sleep tonight... This wisdom of life - how to be in balance, how to observe one's feelings and thoughts and not to get too serious about them, just to let them be, teach and release... And then how to interact with the people around you - with whom to be, how to express yourself, how to say no to somebody even if you want to be nice and all this... but to realize that sometimes being honest with yourself means that you might dissapoint somebody else cause you are not following her\his expectations. The truth is that we are not responsible for other people's expetations. They choose their thoughts, they create their issues. We just have to be honest and sincere and talk clearly and with love and compassion. And if there are dramas around, then they are there to be handled with care and compassion, but there is no need to really go along with them and put our own energy into them - it just feeds the wolf who doesn't have to be fed. This is honesty. And it can be harsh. It is necessary.


It feels so different to write today. Like writing to somebody. Everybody. Like writing a magazine. Maybe my brain started to work differently. Cause I talked with my inner child. She sesems pretty young there. Though, it seems that she can be in different ages too. It is just a matter of approach. Heh, she has always been kind of older than she is supposed to be. And actually, she likes to play, even while being so "old" and smart...


Anyways (what an expression! which I have started to use, because of those ship-guys ...). Those 45 feet long masts (main and foremast) and other sticks like booms and gaffs are now moved to a random's guys backyard (we just knocked on his door yesterday cause he had a small wooden boat in a back of his house and we ended up saying that we need a place to keep our masts and he just said that his yard is big enough and when we invite him to a party thats all what he really needs in return... :) - miracles do happen every day! It was funny too, cause Tyler just picked an Angel's card before going out and it was "Miracles". Thanks Angels! I like trusting you!

Being grounded is a mission in those days. For lots of people. Some say that I am grounding for them. So I keep on working with my own stability and Earth connection, to be able to help others with my presence. This is why we, humans, are for each other - to support and inspire and care and Love. I find it challenging sometimes. It is a magical mission though. Specially when seen as a game. Game of Life!


Seems like a long sharing here now.
In English too.
This language is more and more natural for me. I like learning it and I like to improve my writing and talking skills. I observe my brain and mouth working differently than ever before.
I do believe that Estonian is not going to get lost either. My poems and songs are still in Estonian mostly. And letters to people. I am just happy that there is this other language in me now, which I can use with ease, I am able to connect with people trough that!
All Estonians, reading those lines,
thank you for challenging yourselves. I hope that you understand! And you are allowed to say it out loud when I seem arrogant to you in this matter. Just be sure that I am still just who I am. Connected to you.


I feel grateful that you read my writings. It is a gift for me when somebody finds something from those lines. Kadri just said beautiful words to me. Thank you! I do my best to recieve compliments. I take it as a lesson and life offers me this in those days. I have heard some songs about myself, how my presence is appreciated... and thanks and hugs. And through that I learn how to be neutral in myself with that. How to be grateful, but not to stick my nose high up. And also not to be fed with those nice words and not to be dependant on those. Cause I am. I just am. And I am not nice because I like when people like me. I mean, it is good to get well along with people, but I find it tireing to act and to try to be somebody I really am not. So, when I want to be silent, I am. And when I want to go, I just go, without waiting people's approval and without feeling a need to explain and apologise myself. I found myself being pretty stupid sometimes. Actually it is such a releaf to be able to be in peace with myself even if I act stupid one in a while... :)

I sound funny to myself now,
so,
I guess it is time to go to bed.

I love the smell of the air. Humid and fresh.
House is asleep
and I have a room and a bed to go just now - feels great! I can imagine that it is my home tonight! Simple as that! :) Life in eternal Now! :D



Blessings~
Prayers~
World is round!