"This is not the same person here..."

This was the high-point of the "movie" which was happening in beetween the countries (USA and Canada), on the border, on my mother's birthday (11th of May). The guy was investigating my two passports (new one with a chip inside and the old one which I used while entering Canada), asking me to watch straight into his eyes. And this is what he said: "It's not the same person here..."

I was amazed. In this moment I wasn't even able to cry anymore, it started to seem funny...

Yeah, Ben (from Pennsylvania), with whom I met on the rainbow, he came to Montreal to pick me up and give a ride down to Pennsylvania and then to Wyoming... and then I wanted to go and meet with Leon, Arizona and New Mexico... and new rainbow gathering there in July.

On this nice and sunny monday we hit the border of United States. I was happy to give them my new passport, I fulfilled some papers in the internet before - it all seemed fine.
One of the first questions was - how much money do you have at the moment? I only had 100$ in my wallet.
How do you finance your trip?
I have some money on my card, I have my fathers credid card as well.. (this was a mistake that I said "my fathers card" - actually I have my name on it, but it is just part of my fathers account - so, I was too honest...)
Where did you guys meet?
On the Rainbow Gathering in november in Mexico.
When do you plan to leave U.S.?
In August, I only have 3 months in USA with this program.
Do you have a job?
No, I cannot have now, I am on the road. I did have back in Estonia, I was working in organic food shop.
When were you in Estonia for the last time?
In october.

This line continued, they wanted to know about my parents (who are supporting my trip), they wanted to know about my studies, home... I said I do not have home at the moment, I am visiting friends, nature..

They asked things about Ben as well... Ben said he is a musician and he is not working at the moment (he quit 3 weeks ago, to be able to move from one state to another)... (this wasn't a good sign either).

So we waited for some time, then they called us back and said that the supervisor said that I am not allowed to USA, cause they think I want to start living there and I do not want to go back to Estonia, because the ties with this country are not proved in their opinion.

I was stunned. Ben too.

I asked what do I have to have then for them to prove something? They said that I have to have plain ticket back to Estonia, I have to have job back there, home..., and lots of money with me - like normal people do...
And the decision cannot be changed, supervisor said like this.

In myself I was thinking that I do not want to have plain ticket back to Estonia yet, I cannot have job in Estonia before going to U.S., I cannot have thousands of dollars in my bank account right away... I am not normal as they said...
The first thing they think about me that I do want to break the laws, to be a beggar and to do something bad with their country... Then I have to prove that I do not have those intensions.

What a funny world!?

I sat there, waiting, so they can do the papers and I can go back to Canadian border.
I surrendered.
I was even interested - so, no plans anymore, what will I do now?
It was just like I read from a book in this morning - how the plans are being changed by life and in the end it is the best what could happen!
A relief even.

They took my fingerprints. This girl was nice.
Otherwise, U.S. border was ugly - metal above the head, plastic to sit on, grey all around. People serious and proud to be U.S. citizens.

Canadian border.

So, we have the same rules as U.S. Do you have a plain ticket back to Estonia?
No.
How much money you do have now?
600 $ and a credit card.
Do you have a job in Estonia, a place to live?
No, my parents house only.

So on...
They came and asked where are we going in Canada, who is going to recieve us, does he have a job?
We are going to Montreal, to Danny's place, he is not working, he is just rich.
Where did you meet with him?
In the Rainbow, in Mexico, we travelled there together, with the horses.
What is rainbow?
Ben said that it is a hippie gathering... (wrong answer:P)

The woman said that I have to call my brother and he has to book a plain ticket for me - then they will let me to the country.
I called.
Sander was cycling outside. Danny said that do not worry, they have to let me somewhere, they cannot send me to heaven...

They searched all my things trough in the car. And they also searched my handbag. My wallet, my books. I had feathers in between all the books, in my wallet and on my ears (feather earrings).
"So you do like feathers a lot?"
Yes.
They found a card of Eve (a woman who is working with some politician in Montreal or smth) and they asked how do I know this woman? (We met in this crazy place with dinosaurs and hotel Madrid while hitchiking to Quebec.)


Waiting.
Being surprised that now I am not even allowed to go back to Canada...

What is the life teaching me now?

Ben decided to take me back to Montreal, but they said they let Ben in only when they let me in.

Waiting.
Surrendering even more.
Finding strenght inside, finding happyness inside.

They called me and made a picture of me.

Waiting.
Praying.

Then the woman came and told that due to benefit of a doubt they will let me to stay in Canada for 6 months, I have to give away two papers when I leave the country. I cannot work. I cannot study.
The rules are actually the same as before, just those two papers.

I do not know what changed their mind, maybe the angels...


We eat snails near the border.
Ben played violin.
Sun was setting.
I swinged.
I climbed to a tree and eat 3 yellow flowers our grandmother used to eat in springtime, to strengthen the blood.
Surreal moments.

Back in Montreal.
Back with Sander.
They offered us meat. We ate it.

Empty.
No plans.
Letting go.

Leon on the phone - I guess we do not meet now. It is all needed. Trust.


Here I am, back in Canada.
Surrendering more than ever.
Not knowing.
It is a challenge to be in this situation. Sometimes I am tired.
Then I find strength.
I do not have to know,
I just have to live.
Life made this strong change on my road. Another direction. No direction.


Wind. White wind. Come and take me.

Ending of the old,
beginning of a new.
There is nothing in between.
There is everything in between.

The World Revolution

What is happening with the world, with the People!?

I can see that people here are so afraid. They pass by in their fast cars and they even do not want to see us, because we might be dangerous.
They are ashamed that there are still some crazy kids who think that they do not have to buy a car, buy a ride, buy a life...
They do not dare to look into my eyes.

I look.
I see.
I cry.

People are not allowed to walk everywhere on the Earth anymore. Highways are so dangerous.
Fast. Faster. Faster.
And you cannot go over the river because there is only highway going over.
We saw signs which forbidded us to walk next to the roads.
We had to find places where we could stand,
and watch as cars passed by,
usually one person driving,
staring without seeing us, without having any emotions.
What is happening?
Where are you all rushing?
Don't you have children who want to see the world?
Don't you have any friends who hitchike?
Haven't you ever be in a situation where there is no other option than just standing next to the road and hoping that somebody will take you somewhere,
anywhere! Just out from this abandoned place...

So,
we were on our way to Quebec city from Montreal, but we only managed to get less than half way there. 5 cars. We ended up in a really kitch place called Madrid. Surreal. Plastic dinosaurs. Smashed cars. Cars with huge tyres. Flags on top of the hotel-restaurant. TV full of monster car shows. Shows.
This is all a big show-off.
But one dinosaur had broken his neck.
It felt little dead.
Is this American dream or what?

Nobody went to Quebec this evening.

We decided to go to a bush. There was a one.
Not much people passing by on this rue Moulin Rouge there.
We fried some bread that we got from the gas station and covered it with superoily peanut butter.
You know, those are the things people can eat when there is not much else to eat. You get your energy at least.
And the Sun went down and we crawled into our sweet tent!

Nature!
Mother Earth!
We realised that out there you are always protected. There is always space! There is peace!
Highway continued roaring,
but the frogs sang it over - they have the spring going on!
Birds.
Small fresh leaves putting their noses out from the Earth.
Yeah,
this was our first night to camp outside in Canada.

It is so easy to start to worry,
but if you have a chance to be out in the Wild, then you are safe! Just have a sleeping bag and a tent and it is all good.

They are saying nowadays that you shouldn't sleep in a bush like this,
but I have to tell you what the Earth whispered to me:

"Thank You guys for being here with me! Nobody has ever slept under my spring birches, here in this "pointless" bush, they say it is not a nice forest... Thank You Children, I am taking care of you always! I miss the touch of the Human-Being. They are in the cars and wearing gloves in these days. I want to feel them! Trust me, touch me, be with me!"

Go to sleep with the Sun and wake up with the Sun - this is the natural cycle, supportive!
And there were horses in my dream, I was riding again! This seems like a faraway dream already for now...

The sky was crying in the next morning,
we went back to the crazy Madrid place,
stayed inside and asked people if the happen to go to Quebec.....hmm... anywhere? Montreal?
For me it felt like it is time to go back to Montreal cause I felt my passport might be there.

So,
in the rain there we were standing,
and showing our wet sign. Montreal was there. White pickup car really stopped and we jumped in! Huh! This guy was talking french and he had 5 children. I guess that was the reason why he stopped :)

Back in the city!
My passport there! 37th floor in a huge business building was our destination. We were waiting in a room 13 for the ambassador. What a view! This is business! And we were just sleeping in the nature and now we are there, in between fancy suits and ties. Contrasts. This is our light~work~way.

This hitchiking trip made us understood that this is Lightwork - that we are standing next to the road and causing some thoughts and feelingsto arise in peoples mind - shame, blame, anger, laughter, memories.. all what comes. And we are offering them a chance to change their everyday patterns, allow something new to come in, something strange, something unexperienced!
Take it,
take us,
the children of the Light.

It is hard for us as well.
But this is what I am here for. I want my children to have the possibility to go to the world without working their asses off and waiting until they have paid off all the loans and children raised up and death in their minds... I want my children to have land to sleep on, dream on and walk on.

Please people!
Just stop for a moment.
Take a breath.
Look around.
Love your neighbour.
Love your partner.
Love the stranger.
Give money to ones who do not have.
Give smiles to those who seem sad and serious.
Look into the eyes of a fellow humans.
Let go of your restrictions and just go and show your love to your dear ones.
Time is passing by, do not wait until you are dead and tired!
Do it now!
Wake up and LIVE!


P.S. Tell everybody that The World Revolution has started, we are in the world!
Join us!
Brake your old habits and patterns!
Love Yourself!

Hallelujah!

Fear in the World

This guy just wanted to smash our friends face while we were lying and listening to the wind and enjoying the warm night on the public "lake beach" in Cowansville. He felt personally attacked while he passed by and some of us were laughing in our conversation... He wanted to have some fight.., he wanted to prove how strong he is...,

but while he was talking how he doesn't like Dominique and how he knows how bad person he is and how much he wants to kick him on the face and to see lots of blood... - I was lying next to Dominique, listening, feeling my heart, being so present in the moment that there wasn't even no space for fear.., just full on readyness...

I realized how much this guy actually wants to find friends, wants to feel being loved..

But he tried to get it trough the fear. And this is not the way.

He left. He said that Dominique is not worth his time and energy...

He had some friends as well.

But. Some time passed by.

And they came back. They passed us so close, he still didn't like Dominique...

I understood that there is nothing else to do than to talk with angels,

to trust that all of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory.

And as the Guy was talking about smashing the face again, he's friend told him - let them be, leave them alone for this night...

Fear. I felt fear.

Why? I asked from myself...,

why there is fear in the world? Am I creating it or just recieving it from this crazy guy?

Just before this appointment we met with policewomen. They were checking out what are we doing there on the beach after 11 PM. It is not so legal to be out so late. But we were peaceful, so they just left. 

And after them came the badass guys who actually would have needed the presence of police so much more than we did.

So, somehow I do understand why the police is patrolling around and making sure that everything is safe..., but still, if there is anger inside the hearts of people, it is not removed by the police..

It took some time for me to overcome the feeling of fear.. Jamaican happyhippie music helped... People, who care from you help as well.

Thank you all, 

who you are in the world,

supporting and loving.

Last night we were afraid that we don't have a place to sleep in Montreal. We were searching and writing and thinking.., being a bit nervous. But all we had to do was to sit down on a hippie cafe, listen to good live Cuban music, dance, and talk with a guy who got my attention from the first moments I saw him..., he was writing so fast that the table was shaking... And so we sleeped on his parents place out of Montreal. 

What a life!

I learned that fear way is not the way,

trust and love will pave my path.

Times are changing a lot lately,

people are being killed in Sri Lanka. 

In Montreal they were on the streets because of this. 

But the goverments of the big countries in the world are doing nothing much..

I guess the pain is needed to understand some things,

to learn in the hard way..

Thank you World for all the lessons you give us!