White Sails

This is the last week when all of us (boat crew) are together, working towards getting the sails ready to sail. Big white clouds have fulfilled the living room of Redfern residence. Some of the roommates are getting a bit tired about climbing over them and seeing us so caught up in the process. So, amongst the work with the sails, we have to work on human relationships too. And actually this is something more valuable and long-term thing than the sails. They come and go, break down and get fixed again and again.

I walk home in the nights. Empty streets. Filled with random free stuff. Stars.

Fall is in the air. Sweet sadness of leaving. Leaves are leaving the trees too.
There is something so special and beautiful in that. Maybe the tears. Maybe the realization about the seasons and how things come, bloom and then go. And there is this space to look back and see what have you done and you can see all the stories there. Fun times and confusing times and through all that I see how I have made friends, how I have found trust.
Just yesterday when I was driving with Dylan's car, on a mission of picking things and people up and down, I felt that all this has come into my life here, in this summer. I have spent the summer here!
I am inside the life.
And I went along to a free concert last night in downtown. Biking downthehill in fresh and goodsmelling night full of lights.
I stood there. And I saw people I had seen before. Familiarity.
Tartu, the University-Town in Estonia, this feeling came to me - everybody knows everybody and everywhere you go, there is somebody you have met before. It feels like being in a family. It is very various and you will never know what will happen next.
I like this feeling of being alive in all that, being able to hug people, to say something good to them, to enjoy this life, move my body in the music and take some risks...

Heh,
Jason said that we can climb the bridge. The blue bridge which will rise up when the boats want to go trough. I thought I might not be able to do it. That I might be afraid. But I went along. With Megan and Jason. And there I was, on top of the metal construction, feeling every car who drove over the bridge... thinking for a second what will happen when the bridge will start to move....
and then letting go. Accepting and enjoying it.
Sneaking around the laws and fences... this can be freedom in mind.

In the middle of the night I biked back. Stopped in the footballfield and did Five Tibetian exercises. Every night I have done them in different places in recent days. Park. Cemetary. Footballfield. Garden.
Feels great to overcome disturbing thoughts and just do it, even when I am tired, even when the day is about to end... To live.

To live, not to survive!