Give Time

Just now I am learning how to give time to yourself. Weakness and cough came to teach me to slow down even when it seems that there are lots of things to do - like it always seems, when you get closer to travelling, moving, packing... But this movement which is going to take place so soon, will just happen on its right time. And when there are things I have to do before that, I will do them when I will do them. No need to plan so much and think about those things all the time. Waste of time!

And when body is weak, then it is time to do nothing. To surrender to this flow, not to try to fight and be strong and be more than I am at this time. I think this is the sickness of trying to  be sucessful and worthy in the eyes of somebody else, in the eyes of the society (we are just trained like that). But actually there are not many people who see further than their own nose. So, it is kind of selfish to think that they all measure you and count all your mistakes and acts - no, they are busy with thinking their own problems. Observe yourself and see how much you know about the emotional states of people around you. Do you really know what is going on with them? Do you know what are their eyes talking about (it is usually different from what comes out of the mouth...)?

It is beautiful to be away from Estonia. Things over there look a bit epic now, some things make more sense and it is easier to observe and be objective. Soviet shadow is still hanging in the ether. Politics and all this game is pretty dirty sometimes. We are technologically developed, but that means also that we are dependant of self-phones... we are waiting for somebody to call to us. And it is hard to have a work when you do not have a self-phone! I was so use to have it too. But now when I have been free from it for a year, I feel so happy and I do not know yet if I want to join the web again.
Not having a phone makes you go and visit your friends when you really want to meet with them. Internet can be handy too, writing e-mails... and arranging meetings. And then when things doesn't take place, you miss the meeting or letter, then you are out there, pursued to use your intuition. You just have to get better on that then! And you certainly will.

Moon is almost full.
Energy is high and nights are light - time to do.

I am finding pleasure on doing things with hands - medicine bag, flute-bag, fixing and improving this and that...writing, making envelopes... I realized that I have to slow down in order to reach the mind-state when I start doing the things I have always thought of doing, those things you like doing, but it usually seems that there is not enough time for it and so you put it aside.
What if you wake up after 20 years and realize that you haven't done those things at all! And all of a sudden you are getting older and you see that there is less time left than you have lived already!
Actually, you will never know (unless you listen to your intuition well ;) when is your time to leave.
So, better start living your dream right away!