Tahan neile anda kollaseid pabereid, millel on mustad tähed. Nad kardavad. Nad raputavad päid. Nad ei vaata mu poole. Nad ei võta mu andi, arvates, et ma tahan neilt saada midagi. Ja keegi ei taha midagi anda.
Lähen edasi, pole kaotust, pole võitu, on järgmine vagun.
*
Mul on palju komme. Ma müün neid. Nad on kitsepiimast tehtud ja neil on pulgad ka, et lihtsam hoida oleks. Igaüks on eraldi pakitud, aga viis tükki on omakorda veel kokku köidetud. Viis peesot.
Ruudulise kleidiga mamma tahab mu komme oma lapselapsele.
Kõik. Uus peatus.
*
Diez pesos. Salsa. Mu õlal ripub kott, mille sees on kõlar ja terve vagun saab muusikat täis, kui ma sinna astun.
Oo, üks käsi tõusis, astusin sammu tagasi ta poole. Tal on vaja mu plaati. Mustvalgete kirjadega.
Ta naeratab, sest lemmiklaule on seal.
Ma olen juba järgmises vagunis, kui tema plaati kotti paneb.
Kotis on uus ja kollane pesapallikinnas. Nahasõlmi tuleb natuke pingutada sealsamas. Pall on ka, valge ja punaste õmblustega. Ja ta paneb selle kinda sisse.
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Mul on kitarr, kaelas ripub paaniflööt. Nad kõik ei näe mind inimeste tagant, aga nad kuulevad. Ma laulan. See on natuke kurb ja igatsev ja ilus. Nad ei vaatagi mind, küllap neil on palju teha oma peas. Viie peeso eest saavad nad väikese paaniflöödikese, mis on ka võtmehoidja.
Mu seljas on mu laps, metallraamidega tooli sees.
Üks tüdruk andis mulle viis peesot rohkem kui vaja.
Uksed sulguvad.
Olen teisel pool.
***
I am barefoot and my pants are touching the ground when I am walking. I don't look up. I step into the wagon. You can see comb-patterns in my hair.
I want to give them those yellow papers with black letters. They are afraid. They are shrugging their heads, saying "no". They don't look at me. They are not taking my gift, cause they are thinking that I want to get something from them. And nobody wants to give.
I go on, there is no loosing, there is no winning, there is a next wagon.
*
I have lots of candies. I sell them. They are made of goatmilk and they have sticks as well, for you to be able to hold them more comfortable in your hand. Each and one of them are packed into transparent plastic and five of those are attached together as a one package. Five pesos.
Grandma with a chequered dress wants my candies to give them to her grandchild.
That's all. Next stop.
*
Diez pesos. Salsa. I have a bag on my shoulder and there is a speaker inside it and the whole wagon will be full of music when I step inside.
Oh, one hand raised, I step back towards him. He needs my CD with the letters of black and white. He is smiling, his favourite songs are there...
I am in the next wagon when he puts the CD into his bag.
In this bag there is a new and yellow baseball glove. Some leather-knots needs to be tighten, just right there. A ball is also there, white, red seams. And he puts this into the glove.
*
I have a guitar and a panflute is hanging on my neck. All of them don't see me, but they hear me. I am singing. It is a bit sad and longing and beautiful. They even are not looking at me even if I am next to them, I guess they have lots to do in their heads. With five pesos I will give them a small panflute which can be used as a keyholder.
I carry my child in a chair with metal frames on my back.
One girl gave me five pesos more than neccessary.
The doors are closing.
I am on the other side.
***
Mexico city.
Metro.
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