~Semiluuto~

Reisiõhtu pildimeenutus - pictures from the TravelStoryNight

2011-11-12T14:52:00.001-06:00

Here we are. Now. October 2011. 3 years from the beginning of the Travel. Story is told.

Kuula!

2011-11-01T02:24:00.001-06:00

Rainer Nõlvak, "Teeme Ära" ja "Let's Do it World'i" eestvedaja, räägib oma kogemusest, inspiratsioonist, maailma muutumisest ja igaühe panusest selles!

Motiveeriv!

http://r2.err.ee/saated?saade=285&sub=292

Kokkuvõte, soe ja jagamine.

2011-10-25T09:31:00.001-05:00

Nii vajalik on teha kokkuvõtteid.
Meie jutustus Sandriga oma rännust sai esmakordselt täispikkuses välja räägitud. Me polnud ise ka seda kunagi nii teinud ja kogemus oli suur. Läksin koju justkui oleksin tulnud pikalt rännult, kus kõik ümber on uus ja kus mõte on avar ja piiritu.

Internaadi saal osutus ütlemata mõnusaks ja hubaseks ruumiks, kuhu mahtus just parasjagu inimesi. Mõnus oli näha oma klassijuhatajat, vanavanemaid, pere, sõpru Tartust ja Tallinnast, lapsepõlvesõpru ja teisi inimesi, keda meie ränd kokku kutsus.

Polnudki küsimust, mida rääkida - kõike, mis parasjagu pinnale ujus. Muidugi oli vaja paljut ka ütlemata jätta, sest ühte aastat paari tunni sisse on ikka päris kunsttükk mahutada. Tasakaalustasime Sandriga teineteist, et tervikpilt oleks nii detailne kui ka ülevaatlik.

Minu jaoks oli murdepunktiks see, kui rääkisin Kanada purjetamissuvest. Laulsin ka "Leiulaulu", olles ise üllatunud, kui hea tunne seda teha oli. Jutustasin, mida tegime paadiga ja sellest, et jätsin oma tagasilennupileti kasutamata ... ja siis ühtäkki avastasin end pisarates.
Tundsin, kuidas terve ruum oli minu kurbuse tunnet täis. Inimesed tundsid ka.
Võtsin end kokku ja laulsin meremehelaulu "Haul away Joe", mida Ty mulle õpetas.
See tõi mind kohale, rahustas, ja lubas jätkata.

Isegi kui on kurbust, on nii hea seda kogeda - see on tugev, see on midagi, mis liigutab.

Palju on õppida sellest, mis on siin, Eestimaal.
Ja ema ütles, et kui ütlesin, et lähen Ameerikasse, ei arvanud, et olen hull. Aga kui ütlesin, et tulen Rakkesse, mõtles ta küll, et olen hull.

Järgmine hullus - eks see olegi minekurada. Hullus = hirm?

Aitäh kõigile,
kes on kaasa mõelnud,
seda praegu teevad
või kes kunagi siia satuvad.

Üks reis
võib olla terve elu.

A thought is a travel.

2011-10-25T09:20:00.003-05:00

While being at home,

while waiting for Laurits to fall asleep

I can travel.

I can see you in your dreams,

I can see the world unseen.

Energy has no boundaries and

if you learn how to see

with the eyes of energy,

there are no limits at all.

So you,

mother at home,

even you have all the chance

to see and feel

what is there

outside of your small world

of a growing child.

Rännulood kodupaigas

2011-09-28T10:47:00.003-05:00

Life goes on.

2011-06-27T04:14:00.001-05:00

We still travel on our paths.

Marian is now here: meieelurakkes.blogspot.com

Sander mostly here: hiios.blogspot.com

World is being created. Every breath. Every thought.

Think well!

Oma Hobu artikkel Jaanuar 2011

2011-03-17T16:50:00.000-06:00

Täisekraanil lugemiseks klikka siia !

Nomaadide hoburännak Mehhikos // The Nomads Journey in Mexico

08.10.10

2010-10-08T14:22:00.001-05:00

2 years from the day where we started to fly, to our travels. We just had one way ticket to Mexico. No time schedule.
It all just unraveled and guided us forward. Many turns, loops and meetings. 6 months in Mexico. I ended up staying in Canada for another 6 months and just exactly one year ago, on the 8th of October 2009 (08.10.09) I landed again in Estonia.
For me this year in here has been very various, very life-changing and above and under it all - incredibly widening and grounding. I find myself in the middle of lessons which teach me to live. Again and again. From many different perspectives.

Right now I am taking first steps on the road of becoming a teacher. Let's see where it leads.
Right now me and Sander are invited to go to one or two small schools on the west coast of Estonia - to speak in a "geography" lesson about our travel in Mexico. This invitation came after we performed in Matsalu Nature-Film-Festival, a month ago. Sander put together an exhibition - 12 big black-and-white photos about Nomads United horse caravan.

I had an accordion with me and along and without that we sang some songs in local languages, from ceremonies and our daily life. Some stories were told and questions asked.

Here is a video about the event what took place that evening. In the end you can see us for a moment!

This was a great experience for both of us and I am glad and surprised at the same time that people are continuously interested and we can learn from sharing. Just to inspire one people to take a step towards his/her biggest dreams or fears - this is huge, this a gift we can offer.

I celebrate this day. I now feel that another circle has become whole and I can move on. It seems to me that it takes as long to come back as long you stayed away.

Gratitude is inside me - for all the people who are in sharing, who we have met on the road, who have taught us, challenged us, made us cry, laugh and dream.
And people who have been and who are in Estonia - now welcoming and listening and being. It is a gift.
I am eager to see what the next day brings. I feel that some of you in the world I will see again. And some of you are strongly in my heart. And some of you I have never met before, but I will in the future. And some of you I will never see again. Yet, it all is beautifully weaved together as a magnificent carpet.

I share my love with the world.
I am in love.

Marian

Life on my own.

2010-08-21T01:20:00.002-05:00

Sander and I just went through a course where we learned to work as Aura Mediators.

It feels like real life.
It feels in peace.
It feels like doing something that I have always wanted to do.
It feels whole.

Spirit integrates the body.
It is the New World.
It is Life.

Stars on the dark sky

2010-08-11T18:15:00.000-05:00

They fall.
It is fall.
It is August.

New moon.
Letting go's and saying hello's.

Today I met again with the guy who was on the plain to Mexico, 2 years ago. Then he was in the Mexican rainbow. And then in the horse caravan. And now he is in here. Staying for some days after the Finland Rainbow.

Looking and feeling him and the surrounding hostel Euphoria (filled with rainbowers and hippies and everybody), I remembered how we lived in Mexico and maybe a bit like it in Canada too. And how now my life feels so different. I have connection with this way of living too and it has and is part of my growth and life. At the same time I am happy to have the choice and freedom to live in another way.

Walking home on the lonely streets of Tallinn. Warm night.
This is so right,
hands moving with the flow.
Something grows and something goes.
Light shines through.

*

In Estonia I have met with some days without electricity and all what comes with it and it has gave me pretty strong feelings about what might happen when some systems fail. My choice is to go to countryside, to grow my own food and to get a horse.
It just feels more and more real and life in the city seems like a nice game to play, but not for too long.

Old energies are falling apart and from this dust new phoenix can rise.
Everybody has to wake her/him up.

*

Roads are crossing again and I am waking up for communication and meetings.
Thank you,
that you are alive.

Growth with the Family

2010-07-09T00:10:00.001-05:00

What a wonder it is to be born from a Mother and to be inspired by the Father.

Two persons bring you into this world. And no matter how you communicate with them when you grow up, they have been the holy channel to this place, giving you a body to use, patterns to reshape and things to give up to.

In one moment they start to be your friends as well. You see the beauty and strength of accepting each other. There is this unconditional love in the bottom of all the layers - this is what gives you the chance to work on finding it and bringing it into bloom. Sometimes there is not much else to do about it than to live your own life to its fullest and surest. This will inspirate your parents too, cause they see you, even if you don't speak to them. Connection is there, from the beginning of your existence.

Forgiveness is the greatest.
Problems will solve themselves when you let them loose.
Light comes out (appears) when you bring Love in.

Family - I love that there is such a thing in the world!

Brother is sleeping in our travel tent in the garden.
It's morning.
It's Norah Jones' voice.
It's smooth.
It's the Day of the Acts.
It's time to live. Again.
Again.
Again.

And with all the time we are together, we grow. Inevitably.

Brother Seagull taking a look to the vastness of one kind. The Sea and Sunset.

Tallinn, Estonia

2010-07-08T06:36:00.000-05:00

"Iga päev, mis meile antud on, ära lase käest."

Mari Kalkun

"Väiksed kallid Marid."

Rainbow at Home

2010-07-01T01:54:00.000-05:00

My home knows how to transform into a cheerful place for kids and adults, for creaters and companions. It feels that there is no need to go out to search for a great place to be - all comes here on the right time. My first painting in this home is also getting ready there in the corner.
Those light-kids live in the neighborhood and come in through the window.

Joy in the Morning

2010-07-01T01:09:00.000-05:00

Morning with fresh wind and some distant city sounds and with warm summer-air --- yes, this night I was sleeping outside, on a hammock. What a good invention and what a good influence on me - puts things into the right place and makes me feel whole (gives me a feeling of travelling and Mexico).

Balance is the key.
If I get stuck at home I need to go and have some sauna and great talks with kind girl and bike-ride there on the sea-promenade of Pirita. Sea gives freedom and good air and blows some things away.

Science needs some compliments from creativity, paiting and singing.

Order needs some chaos.

Thoughts manifest so fast and also intuition starts talking about some things which are about to happen, though in the moment the information appears, mind is not aware of it yet. Last night we talked about marriage, kids and about a friend of mine and when I got home I found a letter from him with brief sayings that he will marry soon!
Seems like a coincidence?
For me it looks like we caught the info and just interpreted it in our own way but there was a chance to put it together right and say it out even before getting the "real" info and letter :)
Have you read Anastasia books - I remember she telling about the information field which is available and you just need to "plug" yourself in and then you don't need to learn things by heart anymore - you ask and you shall recieve.

People in the world are there to help each other. Marriage in Estonian is called "Abielu", which can be straightforwarldy translated: "Help"+"Life". So, two people get together to take care of each other and to be for the highest help and support, unconditionally.

Here the music started to play and Oren Lavie "Her Morning Elegance" gives its touch to the day.

Life in Tallinn is as beautiful as life in the forests and as in Mexico and Canada. It is just different. And there is a certain time to experience each place.
Today I leave my home into hold and go to my parents place where the strawberries are getting ripe.

People in the world with whom I have met and those who stay behind the scenes - I thank you for being part of my life, for following what I am saying and for appearing in my thoughts and heart.

Jasmine is blooming and giving up its smell so that I can recieve it and be so grateful and surrounded of its gift. This is what everybody can do with their love, kindness and thoughts - to give them up and out so that the world can experience it. There's nothing to loose. Richness comes from great sharing.

Open Space

2010-06-29T15:35:00.001-05:00

Where the wild wind blows.

Oh the fly from Rome to Munich.
25th of June, 2010

Small Joys

2010-06-28T15:49:00.000-05:00

Marian and Sander went to see how the Creation-Place in Tallinn looks and feels like. This time Sander was the "tour-guide" and reminded Marian how it feels to be around artists and inspiration. Marian recognized the feeling and started to think more about using time to create something new, to express and to fulfill the dreams.
Sander is doing great in photography and communication. Water flows well.
Marian is walking in between science and art and asking questions from herself.

Sister and Brother went to a shop to get some equipment for Marian's flat to have the possibility to listen to music with good quality. They succeeded and now the playing music is inspirating Marian to write the words. Now she can sit down to the couch they just brought home from Laura's ex-apartment and lay back and go into the world of sounds.

A wine from Italy, Aglianico, tasted so good that the guests and siblings enjoyed it with grace and happiness and wishes were said out in the words.

There is much in the world to experience, to learn from. Spiritual things on the Earth are connected with the ground. If you don't focuse on anything, nothing happens. By doing less you do more.

"All I know about life is you have to enjoy it."

Warmth Moves. Italy. Benevento.

2010-06-19T07:24:00.000-05:00

What is it?

That it all changes - feeling and understanding about the aspects of life inside.

First time again I think about travelling,

about being on the road or in a place where I wake up in the morning and I don't know what the day will bring - I have all the freedom to decide what opportunities I take to live.

Now I am in the plan - studying about satellites and ocean. Some things are interesting to me, but some talks are vibrating so tough and tense that I am unable to be in sync with them. I see that I am not willing to think about marine optics all the time. Flowers on the roof caught my attention. Making pictures through sunglasses made me happy. Concert in an archeological site gave me the feeling of magic and wonder.

Life now is a matter of perspective.

Mexico comes alive.

In tonight's dream I saw myself hugging with Alex, the Hawaiian girl who has left her Earhtly form. We were saying goodbye. The feeling of love and care was so strong. And her dark long hair were feelable when I hugged her.

Maybe she is leaving the planet now. Or maybe she is incarnating again and leaving the spirit form and old human form behind. Maybe I will meet with her when she has found a new body...

And it even doesn't matter. When it happens, I will know.

It takes time to understand and learn about life and living. And there are so many aspects that will reveal themselves only when you reach to them. You cannot go slower than your shadow. And you cannot go much faster either. Some laws work on this planet.

Still,

there are many viewingpoints and things can seem very different.

Rebel in me is rising its head.

Time will tell.

Stories from Tallinn

2010-06-09T01:04:00.001-05:00

While being where I am there are some beautiful things happening.

This ship is Kaisamoor, born on 1939. I love cycling by and saying hello to the seamen and giving my hand when needed. Now they are out to the sea for a month or so, but when they come back...

Last inspiration and first drawing here in Köie-home. Earth and Water is in this picture. Kaisamoor is carrying this with her.

This sight is idyll, a dream and something that gives the feeling of beautiful life. I have been lucky enough to visit a friend living in this place.

Mis on ime

2010-06-08T08:21:00.001-05:00

Ime pole mitte õhus lendamine või veepeal käimine, vaid maa peal kõndimine.

— Hiina vanasõna

Be receptive

2010-06-01T00:39:00.000-05:00

Studying Chaos and Fractals

2010-05-29T05:58:00.001-05:00

"Researchers discovered a simple set of three equations that graphed a fern. This started a new idea - perhaps DNA encodes not exactly where the leaves grow, but a formula that controls their distribution. DNA, even though it holds an amazing amount of data, could not hold all of the data necessary to determine where every cell of the human body goes. However, by using fractal formulas to control how the blood vessels branch out and the nerve fibers get created, DNA has more than enough information. It has even been speculated that the brain itself might be organized somehow according to the laws of chaos."

http://www.stsci.edu/~lbradley/seminar/

I am getting inspired by thinking of how this world works - maybe there are hidden fractals everywhere! They are there just to discover!

So, a fractal has come to mean any image that displays the attribute of self-similarity.

One of the most simple one is Mandelbrot fractal:

Again, check out the pages listed above for more information!

I am learning for the exam of "Introduction to Mathematical Modelling" and for that I am getting into all those interesting fields of science and world - fractals, chaos, self-organisation and sync!

I even ordered a book,

Steven Strogatz "Sync. The emerging science of spontaneous order",

after writing an essay about natural rhythms and their syncronicity and about female moon cycle - it works like magic!

So yes,

even though I am in science now, I see the edges of it and the places where it starts to reach the magic, patterns and beauty!

Just go into the thing you are dealing with and start seeing what is it made out of - you might find something fascinating!

Meanwhile,

enjoy the smell of the spring, at least here in the northern hemisphere, around 60 degrees of latitude!

A tip to myself

2010-05-28T01:03:00.000-05:00

Kui elu tundub keeruline, vaata kuidas taimed kasvavad.

If life seems to be complicated, look how the plants grow.

A hammock in the garden is one of the best things one can have.

Stop questioning and just live it.

Doubt is "Stop".

Children are moving.

Sea-truthing course in Askö

2010-05-22T01:01:00.000-05:00

Rallikad

Racing machines

Islandroad to the fields of green

Suksu

My horse

Oceania - a dream come true

I really have been here, in the bow of Oceania.

This thing on the left measures light.

2010-05-19T18:46:00.000-05:00

What you wish
you will get.
And you don't need to make an effort,
just relax
and let the World to handle it!

Optimum Energy for Peak Performance

2010-05-17T03:02:00.000-05:00

This is what I experience.

Sweden is under my feet - a small island of Askö. It is a research base for Stockholm University. Nobody really lives here, but some people come to work here every day, with a boat.

No doors are locked in this island.

Primula veris (nurmenukk) - for the breakfast and for the joy of living!

Circle of Nations (from the newsletter)

2010-05-16T02:08:00.001-05:00

What comes to You has a special reason to do so.
Notice the life and its details around You - then You can see.
I got the message and the urge to share it:

EAST - Wiyohinyanpata - Yellow (Four Winds)
You cannot see the wind. Yet it is there, mighty and mysterious in its power. Wanbli, the eagle, trusts that unseen power to carry it to the highest altitudes, where perspective is gained. And yet, that flight is not without unexpected twists and turns. It takes practice to learn the unseen wind currents of the Great Mystery, and faith to lean into them as we are guided on our way through this life. Sometimes they take you to places you would never expect - some good, some bad. And yet, both can be part of the greater plan for our life. Often, the greatest gifts are found just on the other side of a seemingly bad experience. Many times, the road to our sacred path goes right through a patch of thorns. It is important to remember that the patch of thorns often holds the key we need to take the next step on our journey. So keep your eye out for it. Our life is like the flight of the eagle - a journey of faith. We ride the unseen winds of the sacred path of our lives, sustained by our faith, held up by the Spirit, and taken to new heights by our willingness to dream. So do not let fear overcome you. Hold out the wings of your spirit, leap into the unseen journey ahead, trust the Great Mystery to lift you up, and you will rise like the eagle to the places where visions become your guide, and dreams become a reality....

NORTH - Waziyata - White (Words of Wisdom)

The things that matter in this life are not made of matter....

In the end, material possessions are really immaterial....

It is always better to be kind, than to be right....

Love is the door through which peace enters....

As always, in the spirit of mending the sacred hoop of the nations of the world
Your Oglala Lakota friend and brother,
John Two-Hawks
http://www.nativecircle.com
http://www.johntwohawks.com

~ From my way to Sweden I am feeling happy that the world is a circle and that there is still a home to return, friends to be inspired with and a lover to be in love with ~

Teod

2010-05-12T00:00:00.000-05:00

"Räägitakse, et hommikune kohtumine tigudega toob teguderohke päeva."

M. N.

Lõpetasin "Viis tiibetlast" ja nägin oma laual miniatuurset tigu.

Helimaailmad - Veealuse müra mõju mereelustikule

2010-05-11T17:21:00.000-05:00

Veepinnast allpool asub maailm, mida illumineerivad helid - maismaal on selleks valgus, kuid vete puhul jõuab valgus maksimaalselt paarisaja meetri sügavusele. Läänemeres muidugi vaid kõige rohkem paarikümne meetrini.

Vees levivad helid 5 korda paremini kui maal - kui ujuma lähed, proovi järgi - klõpsuta kivikesi omavahel kokku ja lase sõbral vee all kuulata. Siis klõbista neid kivisid vee peal - kas on sama kaugele kuulda?

Veealused helimaastikud on leidnud vähe inimeste tähelepanu, alles viimasel ajal hakatakse taipama, et kaladelegi ei pruugi meeldida, kui nende kodupaikades sõelub ringi ports laevu, undab tuulikuid ja sondeeritakse põhjageoloogiat... Kalad võivad minna mujale elama või hoopis nälga surra. Kes neid veepõhja langenud laipu ikka loeb?

USA Merevägi tegeleb ka hoopis vägevamate asjadega - suutes tekitada 1 000 000 korda valjemaid helisid kui vaalad oma parima tahtmise juures. Selliseid aktiivsonareid plaanivad nad kasutada pea kogu maailmamere heliliseks kontrolliks - oma sõnade järgi "vaenlase" avastamiseks, kuid võib arvata, et seeläbi saavad nad luua raskesti pealtkuulatava suhtlusvõrgu, mis ühendab vähemasti 3000 km kauguseid paiku (nt. Monterrey'd ja Hawaiid). Sõjaväe katsetustega paralleelselt on juba aastakümneid täheldatud salapäraseid vaalade ja delfiinide massilisi randumisi - nad tulevad rannale ja keelduvad sealt lahkumast ning surevad. Kuna nemad orienteeruvad helide järgi, on neil lihtne valjude helide mõjusfääris olles sattuda paanikasse, segadusse ning lahkuda oma toitumisaladelt, surra nälga, randuda... lisaks sellele suudab heliline lööklaine purustada veeimetajate sisekõrva ning panna nende silmi veritsema, tekitades ka teisi koekahjustusi. Kalade ujupõied on samuti väga tundlikud, ning need lõhkevad lööklaine tingimustes... Niimoodi oleks küll lihtne kalu püüda!?

See pilt on Kanaari saartelt 2002 leitud vaal, kelle surma seostatakse USA Mereväe madalsageduslike aktiivsonari katsetustega:
www.oceanmammalinst.com/lfaswhat.html

USA Navy leht selle tehnoloogia vajalikkuse kohta:
http://www.surtass-lfa-eis.com/WhyNeed/index.htm

Õnnelike "juhuste" kokkulangevusena sain "Merekeskkonna kaitse" loengus ülesandeks teha referaat teemal "Veealuse müra mõju mereelustikule". Sellele aitas kaasa ka kursuseõde Krista Ott - suured tänud tema järjekindlale toetusele ja kindlale rahulikkusele!

Olen inspireerunud - see teema ühendab hämmastaval kombel mitmeid jupikesi siit ja sealt - näiteks kunagi "lampi" leitud lehe - http://ocr.org/ - mida loob varem muusiku ja advokaadina tegutsenud merearmastaja Michael Stocker - oleme paar aastat olnud kirjavahetuses ning seeläbi olen teemaga juba ka veidike enne kokku puutunud.
Nüüd on asjaga tegelemiseks isegi veel rohkem põhjust - Euroopa Liit on vastu võtnud uue Meredirektiivi, mis näeb ette, et 2012 aasta suveks on Eestilgi vaja teada sellest, mis toimub meie vete helimaastikel - edaspidi on vaja välja töötada tegevuskava ning jõuda viimaks "hea keskkonnaseisundini" :)

Praeguse seisuga pole Eestis ühtegi institutsiooni, mis tegeleks konkreetselt helide uurimisega. Mulle on teadmata, kas meie sõjaväel võib olla vastavat tehnikat, et veealuseid helisid kuidagi kuulata...

Unistan, et kuidagi juhtub see, et ükspäev on meil "sosinal" liikuv purjekas, millega saaks kuulata kalasid, hüljeseid ja mööduvaid laevu...
Selle jaoks oleks vaja saada pädevaks, näiteks võtta osa USA-s Michaeli poolt teostatavates projektides - leida Eesti poolne toetus, finantsid... - paik, kuhu minna, on juba olemas!

Unistused tuleb tõeks elada,
sellepärast ma need siia kirja panengi!

When You Love

2010-05-11T07:15:00.001-05:00

When I realize that I love myself,

nothing in the world can put me down anymore.

And this is how I know now that even if there are so many things to do for the school and I don't know how it will all end up happening, I will be just fine - just being sure of that I love myself. No matter what happens.

merearmastus. Salme uurib Nord Streami.

2010-05-06T17:04:00.000-05:00

merel olen ma.
on öö.
Salme.
sõidame kodu poole.
käisime kaugeimas idapoolses punktis, vene ja soome piiri ääres ja nüüd on vöör Tallinna poole seatud. hommikul kuueks peaksime kohal olema.
espits!

käisin saunas.
üksi.
nii hea.

kõik on toidetud. 14 hinge.

mulle meeldib see tunne, mis on praegu.
kõik on kodune ja natuke loksuv ja see sobib mulle.
mootorimürast pääsemist küll ootan,
kuid kuulan mööda.
vaimu see ei sega.

merel olles saab merest üha rohkem aimu.
ja neist inimestest, kes siin on ja käivad.
Eesti peale pole neid palju.

muusika tuleb minu arvutist ja mehhaanik lubas öise tormi tulemise puhul pottide-pannide lendamise mittelendamise eest vastutada.
noad panin kappi.
siin hoiavad potte pliidil metalltoed.
külmkapil on haak.
sahtlitel riivid.

päikeseloojang oli vaimustav ning vaade Suursaarele, kaljusele Vene riigile kuuluvale imelisele maajupile, meenutas 3 aasta tagust reisi Arandal. ilm sarnane, peegel-loksuv värviline loojang, palju värve. kõik värvid ümberringi.
see saar on kõrguste vahega 0-175m. 5 järve. üks geoloog on seal käinud. graniit puha.
igatsen sinna kord minna.
maailm ootab vabaks saamist.

vene poolt sõidab palju kaubalaevu. välismaiste ja vene nimedega. eemalt paistavad nad nagu purjekad, valge kaptenisillaga. tegelikult on pika madala ninaotsaga urisevad ja tossavad aluse, mis on kauba raskuse all veepiirile lähedale vajunud.
palju liiklust on Soome lahes tõesti.
ärevus on õhus selle Nord Streami pärast.
päeval kuulsime plahvatusigi. neid oli kehas tunda. ometi ei suutnud lokeerida alust, mis neid tekitas.
heli levib vees ju igasse suunda 5 korda paremini kui õhus.

ma unistan helide uurimisest vees.
sel alal saab praegu olla algataja ja lumesahk.
pädevus ja finants puuduvad esialgu.
loomise võimalus!

head ööd.
armastan inimestele süüa teha ning paljude kartulite koorimise käigus meelel lasta rahuneda.

Highlighted flashback to Caravan Life in Mexico 2009

2010-05-03T17:00:00.003-05:00

Hola!

VIDEO_CREATION_LINK

VIDEO_LOOVUSE_LINK

Thanks!

Safe trevels all mates!

Boats come to me

2010-05-03T16:25:00.000-05:00

This is a sight to a sailing boat Kajsamoor, built on 1939, 24,8m long. She is now just here in the marina "Lennusadam", 7 minutes walking from my home.

Luckily I had a contact to go there and to be part of a small trip to the Tallinn bay. I ask from myself "Why do I feel so at home there on the boat though I have never been on this one...?" Watching the running rigging and standing rigging...and remembering the words in English more than in Estonia... I just wonder. I talk to strangers, I observe, learn and notice. Sea-life. Accordion and singing women.
Setting sun.
Waves.

A new song came to be today. Words are from Mihkel. And as I found them I knew that a song comes out from them. Now it is here, in the internet already. Fast world. Gratitude. Tänan.

Minu unistus on saada sõbraks Mäe Tõnniga.
Täna ma palusin seda myspace's. Ta nõustus.
Et oskaks ma ühel päeval tekitada inimestesse sellist head tunnet,
millist tema minus tekitada oskab oma loominguga.
Sellepärast ma tean, et looming on väljendamiseks.
Loomine on me pärisosa.

Öösel, nüüd,
kaob aeg ajatusse ning mu peos on igavik.
Tundmatud numbrid, muusika kõrvus.
Õppimine sellest, mis kunagi on öeldud, tehtud ja maailmasse jagatud.
Vast kõike ei mäletata.
Isegi ju unustan ja unustame.
Ja andestus.
Nii on ruumi uue vastuvõtuks.
Uut tuleb kogu aeg.

Probleem-Lahendus. Lõhe.

2010-04-23T03:23:00.000-05:00

Ostsin Rimist lõhefileed. Läksin koju, vaatasin, et lõhnab imelikult ja suhu ei taha panna.
Nüüd tuli hetk, et helistada ja küsida, kas on midagi asjaga teha....
ja mu kõne suunati...
jutustan oma lugu ja siis küsib naine:
"Kas sa oled Marian?!"
"Jah, olen küll!"
"Mina olen Kati."
(tema on mu onunaine)
:)
Telefonikohtumine.
Asi laheneb nagu imeväel ning homme saan kinkekaardi, et osta omale uus lõhe.

Sellised asjad toimuvad uues energias siis ;)

SPRING comes Forth

2010-04-21T01:46:00.004-05:00

"nourish the brain and the brain will nourish you"

The great times of Living~

All of a sudden a spring sprout out ! Within that flow and many more positive eruptions of energy have totally uplifted me.

I see the world with the new eyes again, this is wonderful, this is great - some might say awesome !

Sander with spring .

Talks with the Mother Earth

2010-04-20T04:40:00.000-05:00

Deep breath of the air close to the chestnut tree. This tree has said to be mine. I do not own Her. I do love Her. And when I appear in Lääne-Virumaa, my parents home, I go and say hello. She appears in my thoughts sometimes even when I am physically away from Her.

On this day I gather some springflowers, white and blue, and take them with me. Forest is calling. There is an Oak-tree there, which is another good friend of mine. He has heard stories from my heart, tears and joys and silence.
I look at the evening sun through the trees, my back leaning towards the Oak.
My sight goes down and seemingly still ground appeares to be moving, growing and living! A little black spider is crawling on the leaves of the last year. She makes fast movement, but has time to stop and look around too. There is a shadow with her. And this shadow changes its shape as the spider is moving. Shadow has many shapes and some of them do not look like a spider at all! What a sun and what a spider - together they give life to another creature - the Shadow! And this one is so unpredictable and certain at the same time!

I go, towards the stone which came into my mind now. I found this stone one time, walking in the forest. It was buried under the moss. There are patterns on this stone and I hear stories of the big travel from the North from Her. She is calm and old and has some secrets with Her.
I find her, though She is under the moss again.
Without really thinking I know that those flowers I am carrying with me, are meant to put on the stone, into the concavity. I make pattern with them. 9 flowers, 5 blue and 4 white ones + 5 leaves.

My wish is to live like the Nature - following the rythm, being gentle and firm, being creative and still, being eternal and mysterious and so simple.
Everything what happens in the nature, happens with ease and joy and glory.
Human mind makes an effort to describe and understand it. Long mathematical equations and models are created in order to prove it and talk about it.
But the thing we are talking about, is so simple!
Maybe that is why we cannot crasp it - we are usually not so simple and there is not so much silence in us.... The Nature talks to us through our own voice. That is why it is hard to recognize it.

I saygoodbye and go straight to the Chestnut - I am carrying a message from the Oak and from the Stone to Her. I put my forehead against the tree and this is how the message is given. I do not know much about it, but I feel like I can be the messenger - who can walk and move and transfer.
A Birch in the middle of the garden is waiting to hear greetings too...

Mother Nature likes us to walk on Her, to touch and to admire and to get inspired. She is infinite support, peace and love.

Listen to the birds, singing their songs of joy. They love to wake up every morning - to cheer up the day, to enjoy the fresh air and the rising of the Sun. The life on Earth is as simple as that.

Loodus.
Loovus.
Loodu sees.
Loodu.
Looja.
Lugu.
Loo.

Päevade Valgus ja Mere Algus

2010-04-15T08:27:00.000-05:00

Ülekolmapäevased hommikud ei allu minu kontrollile - nimelt on mul siis toimumas eesti keele väljendusõpetuse loeng, kuid juba kolmandat korda ei jõua ma sinna. Mitte et ma ei tahaks... Tahan küll, äratuskell varmalt helisemas! Seekord läksin suisa üsna vara magama ja valmistusin usinalt kooli minema. Tegin silmad lahti 6:06.
7:57 ärkasin ehmatusega üles ja taipasin, et endalegi teadmata oli kaotanud teadvuse taas ning lihtsalt taaskord sisse maganud.

Kuid tunne oli hoopis rõõmus - heh, võin ju siis merele minna! Nimelt, TTÜ uurimislaev Salme oli suundumas teisele merereisile. Minu jaoks esimesele.
Ega palju aega enam jäänud polnudki, 9:00 pidi väljasõit olema.

Pesin ja riietusin ja hüppasin siis ratta selga, et kusagilt kärmelt leida sidruneid - sel päeval otsustasin alustada kevadpuhastust Limonaadidieediga - sidrun, vahtrasiirup ja cayenne pipar vee sees. Kuu loomise aeg.

Hommikune Kalamaja - mmm! Tänavate vahel vuhiseda, lindude laul kõrvus ja kerge meel sees - see on midagi kevaderilist! Turult leidsingi kohe sidruneid. Küll on turg ikka tore värk - avatud juba vara ja saab otse rattaga ligi minna ja sidrunid kotti laduda!

Lennusadamasse seadsin lenksud ja kohale ma jõudsingi - suisa 15 minutit enne väljumist.
Mereleminemise tunne - see on omamoodi ja erakordne adumine, milles on lapselikku põnevust ja vabaduse tuult. Sain Salme otsi lahti anda kai pealt kui Salme teise kai äärde liikus, et mereuuringute poi raskused mõne aja pärast peale võtta.
Mõni aeg juhtus olema umbes 2h hiljem. Lõpuks saime ikka merele. Päikesepaistesse ja õrnalt loksuvasse sinisusesse. Silmapiir ja õhusoolasus on nii maitsvad!

Liine sai sirgeks lapata ja mõista, kuis need 400m õigesti paigutada, et vette saaks 2 raskust (ankruks) ja poi nende vahel vee peal. Saime hakkama!

Trenn tuli mul ära jätta, sest merelt ei saanud nii vara sugugi tagasi. Seda oli korraks raske teha, just teiste pärast. Aga enda pärast ei olnud raske. Ja niimoodi see juhtuski. Kevad ka.

Merel õppejõu U. Lipsuga suheldes sain küsida seda, mis mind huvitas ning sain ka inspireerivaid vastuseid - Eestil on just lähenemas aeg, kui tuleb hakata tegema müra uuringuid meres! Tehes referaati sel samal teemal - müra mõju mereelustikule - hakkasin aduma, et see valdkond ühendab imeliselt muusika ja mere ja looduse - võibolla saab just teemaks, millega mul tekib võimalus tegeleda.
Praegu puuduvad Eestis vastavasisulised uuringud peaaegu täielikult, pole ka kompetentsi. Niiet vast siis saab tarkust koguma minna kuhugi - vast Californiassegi? :)
Unistustel on hea lennata lasta ning loota, et kõik asjad langevad oma õigele kohale ja koorubki tasa välja see, mis on vajalik tegemine.

Paastu teine päev on toimumas.
Ökopoest sidruneid ostes ja kõike seda külluslikku ja tervislikku toitu nähes hakkas mõte küll tööle, mida sellest ja tollest teha saaks..., kuid Telliskivi Loomelinnaku vanamööbli poest läbi astudes ja sealt 2 klaverit avastades ning oma sõrmedel lipata lastes ununes ka kõhutühjus ja tuli meelde hoopis see, kui vaimustav on improviseerida ning klaverihelisid kuulda!
Huh!
Tuleb vist ikka üks pill siia ka leida!
6000.- eest saab umbes sajandivanuseid Rootsi pille. Üks neist oli peaaegu hääles isegi!

Kevad, kevad, kevad.
Mis muud, kui hingata.

"Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter

2010-04-06T16:17:00.000-05:00

Nüüd ma tean, mis on selles elus mulle rõõmustamist meenutanud - see on seesama raamat, Pollyanna!

Täna läksin mingi imeliku sunni ajel TTÜ raamatukokku, kõige kõrgemale korrusele ning kõndisin otsejoones selle ühe raamaturiiuli poole, vaadates otsiva pilguga ringi. Üks hääl mus ütles, et ma ei peaks ühtki juturaamatut laenutama, sest mul on vaja hoopis referaati kirjutada. Aga siis ma ikkagi võtsin riiulist välja ühe mittemidagiütlevate pruunide kaantega raamatu ning sisse vaadates nägin, et värvilisel peidetud esilehel on kirjas "Pollyanna". Teadsin kohe, et olen seda raamatut lugenud, kuid ei mäletanud täpselt, millest seal juttu oli. Ometi võtsin raamatu endaga kaasa. Haarasin hooga pihku ka ühe teise põnevana tunduva raamatu ning suundusin laenutama. Selgus, et seda teist raamatut ei saanudki ma võtta, sest talle oli punane ring peale kleebitud - see tähendab "kohal kasutamiseks". "Hea küll siis, võtan Pollyanna."
Juba trollis kesklinna poole sõites hakkasin seda raamatut lugema ning taipasin, kuidas see meenutab mu lapsepõlve muinasreaalsust, milles elasin ning mis siiamaani on minu sees erinevatel hetkedel hingamas.

Praegu on öö, uue päeva algus nii lähedal. See raamat saigi läbi loetud.
Minus on lõputut rõõmu ja näol kuivanud pisaraid.

See raamat on maagiline. Poole lugemise ajal helistas mulle Simona ning soovis minuga koos olemist, õdusat ja kerget jagamist, oma nõrkadel hetkedel toetuse leidmist. Mina sain talle rääkida sellest raamatust, mida loen... ja muustki.. ning sõbral hakkas parem. Ta ütles, et olen imeline, et niimoodi suudan teha.

Nüüd ma tean, miks niimoodi on.
See on sellepärast,
et Pollyanna raamat meenutas mulle,
et maailmas on nii palju asju, mille üle rõõmu tunda!
See on see, mille pärast otsustasin naeratama ja naerma hakata, teadlikult ja tugevalt - juba siis kui olin alles õige noor!
See salajane teadmine on minus elanud oma elu, mind muudkui edasi juhtides ja inimesi ning olukordi mu teele juhatades.
Just sellepärast olen siia praegu kirjutamas,
oma jõudu kokku kogumas,
julgedes olla aus
oma jagamises ja rõõmus.

Seljataha vaadates on paremini näha need teeviidad, mis on juhatanud mind siia, kus ma praegu olen. Uskumatult imeline on saada vanemaks ning koguda seda pilku, mis näeb ning ühendusi loob! Selgemaks saab see, mis on mu elu, selle kulgemise suund, vool ja olemus.
Jagamine ja rõõm, ausus ja ühendus.

Olen üdini õnnelik,
et saan jagada seda hetke
tippides musti tähti valgele ekraanile.
Mu süda pakatab sellest tundest.
Ja tean,
et jõuan selle referaadigi tehtud.
Sest minu sees elab rõõm.

Seesama, mille tundsin ära, kui Nõo ühikas toakaaslastega masenduse pärast koolist puududes hakkasin sisemiselt naerma kui nutsime oma kurva saatuse üle - sain aru, et tegelikult olen õnnelik. See teadmine tuli minu sisse kui kevadõhk, pannes unustama selle, mille olin välja mõelnud enese pimeduses.
Küll on ikka kõik hästi paigas siin elus!

Poisid ja tüdrukud, mehed ja naised - lugege seda raamatut, kui on tunnet ja julgust. See võib muuta teie elu!
"Pollyanna" Eleanor H. Porter
Kes inglise keelt mõikab, saab lugeda: http://www.literaturepage.com/read/pollyanna.html

Jah, head sõbrad, küll on hea, et ma saan kõndida ja kohtuda teiega sel teel!

~*~

I must say it out in English too - I have found the one book I read in my childhood - "Pollyanna" by Eleanor H. Porter - which helped me to find what I had to find, what has lead me to you, to the adventures, to the writing and to the joy of living.

Today I took this book from a library - just by an "accident". And now, when I just finished reading it, I am so touched - in tears and in happyness!

Maybe you want to stop writing essays, doing homework, cleaning home, thinking about the worries and work - and remind yourself - how you want to live and how there is so much joy in this life - it is just there for you to see it!

You can even read this book in the internet!:
http://www.literaturepage.com/read/pollyanna.html

Friends, you have brought me so much joy - and you do bring it now too! I have you all in my heart and until I can walk, we will meet on the road!

Treeningud Tartus

2010-04-05T17:27:00.001-05:00

http://www.thedancingpaintbrush.com

~*~

ÕED ja VEND

Tartus teevad trenni!
.

Vaata järgi!

~On dünaamika aeg~

~*~

Treening

2010-04-05T16:57:00.002-05:00

MARIANi tund

Tasakaal, paindlikkus, soojus, kergus - energia liigub, loob ja lehvitab.

Terviklikkusetrenn.

Lihtsad ja tõhusad harjutused, mis sobivad igale kehale ja meelele.

Kus? - Jõe tn. 5, Tallinn, AlohaLei Tervisekeskus, II korrus

Kolmapäeviti 17:17

Mis kaasa? - matike ja kerged riided

Mitu raha? - 80.-

Küsimused? - marianhiire @ gmail.com
52 60906
Taust - www.kehameelekool.ee

What do I like tonight?

2010-04-05T16:38:00.001-05:00

Here are layers of sight.

Light and Shadows.

Patterns of Eternity.

Fractals of the Nature.

Passion.

Seen in

Haapsalu

Estonia

2008

The Day What Ran Its Course

2010-04-03T15:14:00.001-06:00

Keys of my home were left under the snowdrops. One small girl from the house found them. My neighbour called me and asked if I have lost my keys.
"They were supposed to be there, my friends left them there."
"I will take them and be at home when you come."
"All right."

I am coming, through a hole on the fence of other-street-neighbours-house-garden. I try not to step on the islands of snow - so there will be no trace. I succeed. Drops of water dripping on me from the trees. It is dark. It is wet.
And then, when I want to leap over the last snow-island, I feel I am sinking into the mud, so I make a quick step.... and end up leaving a mark on the snow. I hope it melts away from the morning.

There is a plastic bag hanging on the door and there is a note inside the bag: "Our daughter found keys under the snowdrops. Pearl is the keyholder. If you want them, call...."

I got the keys and this is the end of this adventure.

Movie "Limits of Control" was the last one I saw. A friend who is studying animation took me with her to see this piece of art behind the locked doors and authorized entry only... - rooms of Estonian Academy of Arts. Nighttime.
It was great.
If you have enough peace in your mind, you might find it pleasurable.

http://www.imdb.com/title/tt1135092/

Pisiasjad

2010-03-31T06:17:00.000-06:00

Meie elu koosneb väikestest asjadest.
Igaüks neist mõjutab Sind sinna- ja tännapoole.
Ja oled ka hoopis jälgija, kes näeb neid mänge ning võib osata jääda rahulikuks ka kõige suuremas tormis.

Ometi need pisiasjad tulevad ellu igaüks oma põhjusega ning sedapidi vaadates on nad vormi võtnud vormitused, oma erilise rolliga.

Praegu tuli minu juurde üks kiri keskkonnakeemia õppejõult, kes teatas, et minu tehtud referaat ja ettekanne meeldis talle nii väga, et paneb mulle "4"-ja asemel hoopis "5"-e. Kuigi juba enne seda oli ta nõustunud mulle vaid referaati ära tehes panema kirja Tartu Ülikoolis sooritatud keskkonnakeemia aine hinde, milleks oli "4".
Üks ootamatu ja pisike ime,
mis astus sisse siia hetke ning meenutab, et see, mis praegu on valitud teha,
on toetatud ja vajalik.

On palju katsumusi küll panna end tegema asju, mida annavad ette õppejõud, igaüks oma ainet silmas pidades. Ja neid aineid on mul 10 praegu. Peamine on vast taibata, et nende mulle antud ülesanded on tegelikult mu enda valitud ülesanded ja tegemised ning teenivad kogu maailma mu enese läbi. Maisus on vaimne.

Salasoovidest saab tegelikkus.
Tuleb sättida paika eesmärgid ning siis liikuda sel teel, mäletades ja unustades.
"Ja vahel ma tunnen, et kõik on võimalik..."

Now

2010-03-30T00:56:00.000-06:00

Hey dear Friend

Please be who you are

Please say what you want

From the heart

I don't hear lies

I don't see ties

All I know

Is here and now

There's time to grow

There's time to bow

There's time to bloom

There's time to mourn

Ref:

Find, find, find what you need

Blind, blind, blind - you will see

(Inspired from a talk with Belgian bagpipe man Stefan Timmermans,

written on my way home on the street while walking.

It is a song.)

24.03.2010

Tallinn

2010-03-29T10:12:00.000-06:00

Vee hääl ta teel katuselt tänavale. Tilkumine ja solin ja kanalisatsiooniaugud.
"Kraaaaaks!" hõikab vares oma lennul üle mu pea.
Tuvid tõusevad lendu jättes pooleli nokatäie vee rüüpamise loigust. "Sahhhh!"

Tee viib Kalamajja, mööda majadest, kus inimeste elud sees. Mööda rõdust, kus vints, et lapsevankrit neljandalt korruselt otse alla hiivata. Mööda tühermaast, mille servas on kilekottidesse pakitud nõukogude aegsed meestetrussikud (serv äratuntava õmblusega). Mööda saunast, mille ette on pargitud kõige ägedamad autod, lincoln'id, mersud ja bemmid koos audidega, tihti tumedatoonilised.

Kella keerati nii, et nüüd on ikkagi veel valge. Üks tund õhtule juurde on palju, on taju muutev, on rõõmsust toov. Isegi kell seitse võib nüüd näha taevas sinakas-valget hallust ja on aimata, et kusagil sätib Päike end madalamale, kuid loojumiseni on jäänud veel aega.

On lõhn, mis paneb vahest peatuma - nii magus ja maitsev ja värviline möödunud kevadete tulemise mälestustest ja kõigest, mis on seekord uus, tundmatu ja imeline.
Pilk ilmale on kevadeti hoopis erisugune. See näeb hetki tähenduse ja kergusega, muinasjutu ja helgusega ning on tuule suuna otsimine, seades oma purjed ja paadinina sinnapoole, kuhu kutsub süda.

Tuppa paistab päikest ja akna all hakkab varsti muru nägema.
Seemned on potti pistmiseks valmis.
Referaadid ja esseed, ettekanded ja ülesanded - neid on võimalus teha selle tuleva kevade sees.
Mis muud, kui võimalus see - keskenduda, avarduda ja inspireeruda~

Sky of Honey

2010-03-13T09:21:00.001-06:00

Long and low - this is the sun I see laying over Tallinn. One seagull on top of the building. He looks like Jonathan.
I am in the Estonian National Library. Again I feel honored. All the flags of different Estonian counties are hanging there on the row. Walls and stairs are made out of limestone. Our national stone.

It is beautiful my sisters and brothers!
I am reading a fantasy-tale and gives me sparks to live and walk around and see magic around.
A research about organometallic chemistry gives me understanding about a small area of the world described by science.
Spirit and science are meant to walk hand in hand. Left and right sides of our brain are there to be used. Balance is the key. Balance is the line in between black and white in the sign of Tao. This line is everywhere. It is invisible, yet so noticeable. It is something what makes our existence possible here.

Living here on the land of long winter and low sun I am learning how much we rely on the Sun and how important it is in our lives. Sun gives me so much light and strength and courage to live and smile and accept what I am here to do. To see the balance inside people's lives -

loud and forgetful nightclubs

singing krishna-people on the streets

old men reading newspapers in the library

people doing their works behind computers

flying birds

melting snow

a call from a friend to start a new project

taks to write an essey

new place to move

puzzle to put together on the research vessel

tree to touch

It is all here.

And there,

with you.

I lost one of my earrings I got from Mexico. On the same evening I visited a Mexican-cafe and maybe it got lost there. New ones can now come and oh how happy have I been wearing this beautiful work of whitcholes people. Gracias!

Aho~

Sooda ja Sidrunimahl / Baking Soda and Lemonjuice

2010-03-05T02:00:00.000-06:00

Soovid soodsat šampooni?

Tüdinenud ohtlikest lisaainetest, SLS (sodiumlaurethsulphate)'st, parabeenidest ja pidevast peilimisest?

Heh,

lahendusi on!

Proovisin omal nahal ja juustel järgi sellise triki:

1 tl söögisoodat (NaHCO3) + 1 klaas vett - segada ja pähe valada, niiet igale poole jõuaks, mõjuda lasta sutike
poole sidruni mahl + juurde sorts vett - ka ühtlaselt mööda juukseid laiali jaotada - oodata üks hetk

Voila!

Minul on küll nii, et juuksed on puhtad, peanahk pole ärritunud ja ei sügele,

nagu oleks mingi hea šampooniga pesnud.

Nüüd siis võib oma arusaamad üle vaadata ja järgi katsetada, kas Sulle selline variant sobib! Soodat saab seitsme krooni eest terve suure paki (soovitav on seda vannituppa mitte seisma jätta, kuna ta imab niiskust endasse) ja sidrunit leiab ka.

Arvan, et sidruni asemel võib kasutada ka lahjendatud õunaäädikat - ka happelise mõjuga.

Innovatiivsust!

Tagasiside on oodatud ning kui teisigi häid võimalusi, jagage!

(muna ja leivavedelik on ka variandid näiteks:)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

You want to know how to wash your head without any shampoo and still get it clean?

Well,

I have one option to share:

1 teaspoon of Baking Soda (NaHCO3)
1 glass of warm water
mix them together and spread all over your scalp and hair - wait for a bit

1/2 lemon - press juice out of it and add a bit of water
spread it all over your hair and scalp again - wait for a moment

Voila!

Here you are,

nice and clean!

You can also try apple-vinegar instead of lemon juice. Just put more water, cause it is a bit more acid. Regular vinegar can probably be used too, you just need much more water!

Tip! - don't leave baking soda into the bathroom - it gathers water into itself...

No LSL's, parabens and artificial colours or incenses - I like it and I am so glad that it works!

Try it out on your own and let me know how it goes!

Maybe there are other solutions as well - share them!

2010-02-25T11:46:00.000-06:00

Ninas on kevadelõhna ja kõrgete hangede tagant paistab päike läbi värske taeva, mis pole ammu nii palju valgust endast läbi lasknud.

Mõõtsime koolis gamma-kiirgust kaaliumkloriidis (KCl) - selles on looduslikult selline isotoop nagu K-40 ja täitsa kiirgab! Lisaks sellele on ilmne, et ka tuletõrjeandurid on päris aktiivsed - isotoop Ameriitsium 241 (Am-241) tekitab alfa ja gammakiirgust - http://www.world-nuclear.org/info/inf57.html - pole vist vaja palju muretseda, kuna looduslik kiirgusfoon on täitsa pidevalt ka olemas, eriti kui diktüoneema klindi peal elutseda. Kuigi me õppejõud teatas, et tema kasutab oma magamistoas siiski optilist suitsuandurit, milles ei kasutata radioaktiivset ainet.

Põnev on selliste asjade kohta teada saada küll!
Lisaks tegin kindlaks, et Simona Chanel'i päikeseprillid tõepoolest kaitsevad ka UV-kiirguse eest ning lisaks taandavad natuke ka teisi lainepikkusi, välja arvatud punase värvi piirkonnas asuvaid. Pilt muutub selgemaks läbi nende vaadates.
Katse viisime läbi Berülliumi hõõglambi abil, mis kiirgab ka UV-kiirgust ning valgust püüdis kinni arvutiga ühendatud spektromeeter. Valgusallika ja mõõtja vahele panime prillid ning nägime, kuidas spekter muutus! UV-piirkonnas, ehk siis alla 400 nm lainepikkusega lained püüdis päikeseprilli plastklaas kinni.

Vabadussamba jupp - elastne klaasitükke ning muud materjali sisaldav klaasidega ümbritsetud ilus tšehhi meistrite loodud materjal seisab õppejõu kabinetis, et tema optilised omadused saaksid uuritud ning täpsustatud, et korraldada uus ja toimiv valgustus Vabaduse Väljakul paiknevale sõjaristile. Tõtt-öelda oli see materjalijupp ilma risti kujusse paigutamata vägagi põnev tükike, ilus ja paljut sisaldav.
Samas, seal väljakul, suure ja kandilise sõdimist tähistava sümbolina tekitab ta pigem natuke õudust ja kalkust kui rõõmu vabaduse üle. Ju ta siis peegeldab meie rahva ühisteadvust - end kunagiste taplemiste kaudu identifitseeriv ning paindlikkust kandilisse vormi valav.
Aeg muudab ka kandilised kivid ümaraks.
Tuleb ainult oodata.

White Metal Tiger

2010-02-15T12:23:00.000-06:00

This year came to us in the middle of the night, 4 AM. We were in the forest like this tiger, snow high up to our knees. Marian, Sander and Mihkel formed a triangle.

New Moon.

Wishes and Prayers.

This year will bring simplicity and wisdom, community and solitude.

Things which cannot be told with words, are coming into the presence. Open your heart.

I, born also on the year of the tiger, feel empowered and in balance. I am glad that it happening now.

People from the world, friends I have met on the road - some of you have reached me just now and I feel so grateful and inspired by this. The world really is round and just as small as wide are our minds.

I am studying about non-linear and quantum physics and it reminds me that

how we think about the things matters.

This creates the reality.

This is the choice.

And the smallest particle chooses its path and turn just according to the thought. Until we do not decide, there are all the options available.

We think all the time - we choose all the time.

Be concious about it.

Bring your awareness here and be responsible of your life.

~*~

Exercise of Communication

~*~

Eestimaa Tal-linnas

2010-02-15T12:09:00.000-06:00

Päris Eesti - Sulev Valner

Mina olen nüüd Tallinnas.
See linn on ühtpidi põnev ja ei tundugi nii suur, kui olen olnud hetki Mexico City's ja Montrealis ning muudeski paikades.
Ja samas tajun, kuidas siin olla on väljakutse - liikuda kindlaks määratud radadel, mis on mitte lumised ja valged, vaid soolased ja pruunid, pidevalt mööda vuramas autod ja trollid ja bussid, kus sees on inimesed, kelle tõsistel nägudel peegeldub rutt ja mure.
Kesklinnas on uhked autod. Neid on mujalgi. Ja osad inimesed on peenelt riides, karusnahas ja lakk-kingades.
See ju polegi paha, et neil on raha.

Siin on palju mõtteid. Igasuguseid.
Kuulen neid oma pea sees ka. Nad tahavad jätta mulje, et on minu mõtted.
Kuid mina olen ju rahus, mina tean, mida tahan sellel ühel hetkel teha ning ma ei ole väsinud!
Linnas ellu jääda soovides on vaja käia supermarketites, sest väikseid poode pole kusagil silmata eriti. Tuleb veel ka välja raalida, kus on kõige paremad hinnad ja kus müüakse seda, mida soovid. Selle peale kulub ka muidugi aega. Sest tuleb valida. Iga pood pole tore. Enamik neist väsitavad, päris palju kohe.
Uidata tuleb riiulite vahel, mis on täis laotud ühte ja sama toote kordust - et paistaks, et on rohkem asju poes, kuigi tegelikult on ühte asja lihtsalt palju. Valik polegi seega nii suur.
Tuleb samal ajal kuulda muusikat ning üritada fokusseerida end selle peale, mida tegelikult vaja on.

Nii palju mõtteid on üksteise otsas ning isegi kui koju tuppa minna, kimavad akna alt mööda inimesed oma mõttesabadega ägedates autodes istumas, kuhugi minemas.

Minemine.
Mine jah siis.

Õnneks ma tean, et on ajutine see, Tallinnas elamine.
Ning ei ole halba selleski, lihtsalt On.

Alati saab ise olla kerge ning helge, ülev ja selge. Hea on seda siin harjutada!

Valikud Ja Sergei

2010-02-11T08:48:00.000-06:00

Mina valisin kontserdile minna. Või siis kontsert valis mind enda kuulajaks.
Sellega läks põnevalt - nägin paar nädalat tagasi ukse kõrval Laura piletit ühele kontserdile - mu seest jooksis viivuks läbi mõte, et tahaksin ka seda kuulama minna. Vaatasin isegi internetist järgi, et mis ja kes ja kus... Aga sinnapaika ta jäigi.

Aeg läks.

Eile, 10.02.2010, jõudis kohale. Olin kutsutud kohtumisele, kuhu ma nädal tagasi ei jõudnud, kuna info selle paiga muutumisest ei jõudnud minuni. Tundsin kohustustki, et nüüd siis lähen.... kuigi ega ma ei teadnud, et mis seal on ja kas see mind huvitab ka... Nad, Ideals Matter, otsivad autoreid muidu.

Laura tuli siis (selleks ajaks juba kolmandat korda) välja jutuga, et tal on sinna kontserdile pilet üle... - et tulgu ma ikka!
Kahtlused-kõhklused-kohustused?
Ütlesin siis, et kui see viimane inimene, kellele Laura helistab, ei tule, siis ma tulen - jätsin seega asja rahulikult Universumi hooleks. Huhh, vedas, mõtlesin :)

Minuti pärast teatas Laura, et nüüd on aeg mul seelik selga panna - minek!

Läksingi. Kõndisin läbi oma kahtluste soolalumest, selga sirgemaks lükates. Isegi esimeses reas laua äärde istudes ja muusika algust kuuldes, oli minu pea sees veel segadust.

Sergei Manukjan, Villu Veski ja Kaspar Kalluste astusid Estonia Talveaias lavale. Saksofonid, klahvpillid ja trummid.

Tõesti, see oli parim kontsert, mida ma oma elus olen kuulnud. Nii päris. Õnnelik. Lihtne. Ja naelapea pihta.

Hämmastav on küll see, kuidas maailm peegeldab mulle tagasi just seda, mida mul on vaja meenutada ja kuulda. Selle kontserdi jooksul elasin läbi palju. Kõige rohkem taipasin just ühe laulu kaudu seda, et pole midagi siin maailmas, mis ei muutuks.. Kui siis, vahest pilvedest sajav vihm ja taevast paistev päike.
Olen Eestis. Elan nii, nagu elan siin. Nagu see maa võimaldab praegu minu jaoks. Kanadas oli teisiti. Mehhikos oli teisiti. Siis kui olin Tartu Ülikoolis, oli teisiti kui nüüd Tehnikaülikoolis. Kõik muutub.
Noored saavad vanaks.
Nii ongi.
Nutu lõpp.
Elada parimalt,
ükskõik kus. Just nii, kuis oskusi ja taipamisi on. Üle oma varju ei hüppa.

Kui peaks teil tulema ette Sergei Manukjani kuulamise võimalus, siis haarake sellest kinni! Lühike lokkis juustega mees on leidnud vabaduse, mis voolab ta loomingust läbi, niiet raputab!
Leidsin ka Jaanus Piirsalu intervjuu temaga (24. mai): http://jaanuspiirsalu.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html
Nüüd saan vist veelgi rohkem aru, miks mulle meeldis see muusika ja muusik~

"Peame vabanema kinnismõtetest ja hirmudest"

2010-02-02T14:33:00.000-06:00

Eesti Vabariigi Presidendi - Toomas Hendrik Ilvese kõne - 02.02.2010.

"Peame vabanema kinnismõtetest ja hirmudest," - nii hea on kuulda seda meie riigi juhilt. Riik on tõesti nagu inimene oma mõtlemisega - kui heietab minevikuvägitegudest, unustab praeguses elada ning ei julge ilusat olevikku märgatagi ja luua.

Newtoni ja Einsteini avastuste ja arusaamiste märkamine on päevakajaline ka mulle, just praegu.
Paar esimest lehekülge modelleerimise loengus soovitatud raamatus "Universum Pähklikoores" panid mind soovima seda edasi lugeda ja vahest ka enda raamaturiiulist teinekordki üles leida.
Lektüür laieneb tõepoolest.
Paar kilo kirjandust tassisin koju täna juurde TTÜ raamatukogust.

Seda, mida soovid

2010-02-02T13:00:00.003-06:00

Kaks lumiste riiete, salkus juuste ja õhetavate nägudega umbes 10-aastast tüdrukut tulid burksiputka leti juurde.
"See on ju sinu raha.." ütles esimene tüdrukutest, mitte soovides sõbrale mõju avaldada selle kohta, mis nad ostma peaksid.
"Mis vahet sel on!" vastas teine selle peale enesekindlalt. (Mis pani mind ära tundma, et tõesti, iga kupüür raha on ju täpselt samasugune ja kuigi ta paikneb kellegi käes, pole ta selle keegi oma päriselt niikuinii. Raha on ju vaid vahend vahetuste tegemiseks.)

"Palun üks Mmustika Mmõnus Mmmaius!" kostis rahaga plika putkatädile. "Äkki laseks selle pooleks lõigata ka?" kostis ta kaaslasele senikaua kui maiust toodi müügiava juurde.
"Kas saaks selle pooleks ka lõigata, lahti teha ja siis..." palus ostu sooritav tüdrik.
Müüja võttis käärid ja lõikas paki lahti ning ulatas maiust ostjate poole.
"Kas saaks selle pooleks ka lõigata?! Võimalikult täpselt, palun!"

Tädi lõikas paki kääridega täitsa lahti, pani maisimaiuse kilekoti peale ja poolitas selle noa abil. Rohelise salfrätiku peale paigutas ta ühe poole maiusest ning ulatas selle esimesele tüdrukule. Teise poolega toimetas samamoodi ning ka teine tüdruk sai pihku midagi maitsvat.

Seal nad siis mugisid, hetke täielikult nautides ja mustikatükke maisi vahelt otsides... Isegi kõrvale ei astunud nad putka akna juurest...

Milline lihtne julgus, mõtlesin ma - tuleb ainult suu lahti teha ja öelda, mida saada on soov!

2010-02-02T04:37:00.002-06:00

White is my view. Church towers of Tallinn Old-Town are making sharp figures into the snowflaked-sky.
Irish folktunes do appear in my ears.
"Made in Heaven" is a recording from Queen, showing its label.

This is my first time in Estonian National Library.
I feel satisfied and proud, like something just fell into the right place in me.
This place is good for focusing and learning. Abuntant access to music is also available.
There is even a piano-room if I want to pay 25 EEK in an hour.

Limestone is around. This building is strong and heavy. Feels very grounding. Limestone is our national stone and old and good buildings are made out of this. Modern plastic is just nothing compared to this. Maybe that is the reason why people working and living inside of concrete and plastic do feel confused and ungrounded, cause there is no support from the building. I feel like the materials around us vibrate and they influence our vibration as well - we do are excisting in the same time and space! Isaac Newton has said that already and not to mention quantum physic guys who have found out that even our thoughs do make difference regarding to the smallest particles inside everything there is.

Yes,
then this world I see and feel around me is just a reflection of my thoughts. It is an illusion.
Good things in it are illusionary.
Same with the bad things.
Maybe they can dissolve into each other when the time is right and then they do no work as measurements anymore. Then they can be descriptions, with no power to influence our inner balance and mental state. Would that be boring?

Every single day of my life I can be awake and in creation!
Can it be better?

2010-01-30T17:21:00.001-06:00

Langevas lumehelveste vahel leian tee kodupoole. Sel päeval laulsin ma mikrofoni sisse, mis lebas punasel sametpadjal. Minu laul hakkas oma elu elama. See kõike esimene Leiulau l.
Tuli juurde Kessu kitarrimängu mitmes kihis.

Uus on selline kogemus. Ja parem on vähem arvata kõigest sellest.
Kuid peab ütlema, et Pirital seal segasumma-talvilas oli mõnus juua teed ja kogeda seda protsessi, et minuni kord tulnud lugu saab hoopis uue tajumise mu enese sisse ja välja.
Soe ahi. Soojad südamed.

Väsinud on ka hea olla. Pugeda õhtul põhku ja unustada kõik see, mida pole vaja endaga kaasas kanda järgmisse päeva.

On kunst ikka edasi liikuda ja õppida ja tahta areneda ning olla kindel selles, mis tegemine on käsil. Palju arvamisi hõljub ilmas ringi. Tehtud saab see, mida on tahtmist teha.

Igastahes olen õnnelik, et see elu nõndamoodi kulgeb,
et saab laulda ja saab ka ülikooli õppima esmaspäeval minna ning ahju alla tuld teha ja jääs merd näha. Solarise toidupoes kohtab nii ülemisi naabreid kui ammu trehvamata sõpru. Tallinn on ka väike kogukond.
Niimoodi mulle meeldib küll.

Küll te siis varsti kuulete. Ja suurema soovi korral
palun küsida!

About the Miracles

2010-01-20T03:24:00.001-06:00

I told to myself that when I do get into Masters studies of technical physics in Tallinn Technical University it will be a miracle. On the last day before the math-physics test, I didn't feel like studying anymore. My body told me not to.
My mind mind screaming - "You need to study this and that and this and that, cause otherwise you won't do the test! There is so much you do not know anything about!"

I was listening to those voices and I had to decide. Well, it is hard to ignore the body when I have worked on listening to it more and more in my life lately. But I still remembered how it felt when I was in Tartu University, studying for the tests - I could force myself to study more (although even at this time I was nothing compared with some of my roommates... I usually ended up putting materials under the pillow and getting a nice rest... or going out for an adventure (winter-swimming or such..))...

Anyhow, in the middle of this conversation in my head I decided that I will surrender now.
"I choose to trust the Universe and everything it includes! When I have to get in, I will!"
A voice in me was actually saying that I do not need to study more... that I know enough.

I went to bed.

The Test.
Yes, I saw that it was about the same as last year. I didn't know everything. I did my best though.
Mr. Suurvarik took a look on it when the time was over and he said: "Well, why haven't you finished this and didn't you know that .... , but your result is not zero and as you see you are the only one doing it - you will get in! What will be your subject then?"

I left the room, being calm and polite. And when I got into the toilet I jumped up-and-down from happiness! It felt like being released under the pressure and that I am able to do things like this!
And as I promised myself - I have to believe in Miracles. Again. And again.

(It is easy to look back and say that it was no miracle... that there wasn't anything hard at all... but I gave a promise, so I will keep it. And this is how the world is - stands upon love and is bigger than we think it is.)

Well, I am now heading towards studying oceanography and being a specialist in University of Tartu and getting back on track with the research group of Marine Optics.
White curtains are ruling my room now and finally I can unpack myself after all this travel time.

Though, new horizons still invite me and I will just find another form to travel and visit friends.

And as I am more and more having a home to come and visit, I will be delighted to invite you over!

Newtoni III Seadus ja Ideokineesia

2010-01-16T14:42:00.001-06:00

Igasugune mõju on samal ajal ka vastastikmõju.

Vastastikmõjus olevad kaks keha mõjutavad teineteist moodulilt võrdsete ja suunalt vastupidiste jõududega, mis on rakendatud kummalegi kehale. See tähendab, et jõu järgi saab keha otsida - kui on keha, on ka jõud.

Newtoni III seadus on aluseks jõudude otsimisel ja selle järgi keha otsimisel. See on tähtis asjaolu, sest inimene otsib vähemalt pool ärkveloleku ajast kehi, mida ta arvab endal vaja minevat.

Näited:
Miinide otsimine.
Kehade otsimine kosmoses.
Inseneri praktikas kehade purunemise põhjuste otsimine.
Toidu otsimine.
Paarilise otsimine.
Mööbli otsimine.
Tegevuse otsimine.
jne.

(põhiline osa teooriast leitud Arvo Mere konspektist)

Newtoni III seadus - vastastikmõju seadus.

Füüsika tõestab oma sügavat olemust ja äärmist põnevust.
Mõelda vaid - külmkapp mõjutab enda all olevat pinda jõuga, mis on võrdne ta massi ja raskuskiirenduse korrutisega ning siis omakorda mõjutab külmkappi alt ülespoole teine jõud, mis on võrdne külmkapi jõuga, kuid mida me ei näe kui teist külmkappi, vaid see jõud on peidetud nt. põrandalaudadesse ja maja konstruktsiooni.

Samamoodi kui meie avaldame jõudu pinnale, kus viibime, mõjub meile vastujõud, mida tajuma hakates võime saada teadlikumaks oma tasakaalust ja oma kergusest. Sest need vastassuunalised jõud on alati tasakaalus ja seega on meie loomulik olek Maal viibides olla samuti tasakaalus. Katsugem see teadmine panna praktikasse ja avastada endite loomuomane sirgus, kergus ja harmoonia!

Sellest kõigest räägib ja tegeleb IDEOKINEESIA.
Võin omast kogemusest öelda, et vastavate harjutuste tegemise mõju on kehale täiesti tunda. Näiteks jalad hakkavad ise kõndima ja käed-õlad ärkavad elule ja kergusele, selg sirgeneb ja muutub paindlikumaks. See toimib visualiseerimise ja peentaju abil. Maagia muidugi. Aga just samapalju ka lihtsalt füüsika.

"Ideokinesis is the process of using mental imagery to affect the body’s postural alignment in order to bring it into greater equilibrium."

Minu jaoks igastahes läks toas tuli põlema, kui füüsikat õppides taipasin, et tegelen sama asjaga, mis KehaMeeleKoolis trennis käes. Teooria ja praktika kohtuvad ning sünkroonses 2010-ajas juhtuvad imed ja harmoonia valitseb ruumi ja aega.
Niimoodi on küll ikka õnn elada.

Salapärane surin ja erutus on sisenenud mu kehasse, kui õpin füüsikat, kuulan Arvo Pärt'i "Für Alina" plaati, tajun köetud ahjust hõõguvat soojuskiirgust ning kuulen akna tagant harva mööda sõitvaid autosid. Jõulutuled põlevad riiuli küljes ja kass Kristo sahistab aeg-ajalt kott-toolis. Mu voodi on rulli keeratult diivani peal ja pool keha on mässitud kaamlivillasesse tekki.
See on minu jaoks uus Luise-tänava idüll.

Still A Traveller

2010-01-15T17:15:00.000-06:00

When I find myself in the middle of introduction-round and it is my time to say who am I and what am I doing, I say my name and then comes a pause.
What am I doing?
I am not in the school yet, I am not working, I haven't worked recently, I haven't done a lot of "normal" things for a long time...
Then it comes up that I spent my last year away from Estonia.
Where were you then?
And here it starts.
I observe my words and I see that there are some sentences which have proven to be useful in different occasions. Sometimes I have to say more, but I have found couple of words to say my stories short. Mexico was about living outdoors on the ocean shore and riding with horses... and another half of the year I was in Canada, fixing a sailing boat and then sailing and being on the islands...

Now I am back.
I have life here.
I have lived all the time by the way.
And although being a traveller seems like fairy-tale, there are magical things actually happening everywhere. Maybe being a traveller means to people that there is freedom to feel and interesting places and situations to see..... Then I am still a traveller.
It opens some doors to me.
It allows me to be calm even if I haven't had my own bed for 3 months already. I have kind of moved into a house where other people do still live too, a cat as well. And my clothes are just on a pile in one corner. This is a new experience - to see that there is a mess, but there is not much to really do about it.
I allow it to be there, cause it is new for me! I am waiting for the right time to come. It will.

Well.
Trees are covered with sugar(snow)coating and they look delicious. I can't take my eyes off from them. Small warm houses are filled with people who all have their life stories to live and share.
Candles can be lit and every day there is more light to see.
I am free.
Free to love life.

Love=Freedom.

Take a next breath.
Let it out.
Once again.
And again.
This is what you have,
as long as you are alive on the Earth.

•

Valge

2010-01-11T12:21:00.000-06:00

Valge ruum on südamesoov.
Valge tähendab avarust.
Valge tähendab valgust.
Valge tähendab kergust.
Valge tähendab tühjust.
Valge tähendab täiust.
Valge tähendab puhtust.
Valge tähendab siirust.
Valge tähendab armastust.
Valge tähendab vahetust.
Valge tähendab mõistmist.
Valge tähendab kuulamist.
Valge tähendab jagamist.
Valge tähendab lihtsust.
Valge tähendab tingimatust.
Valge tähendab pitsi.
Valge tähendab lambanahka.
Valge tähendab lendamist.
Valge tähendab mäletamist.
Valge tähendab unustamist.
Valge tähendab vähest.
Valge tähendab paljut.
Valge tähendab ingleid.
Valge tähendab loobumist.
Valge tähendab soojust.
Valge tähendab kargust.

Valge tähendab, et olen Valguse Teel.
Valge ruum on mu sees.
Valge vaip mu talla all.
Valge vaas kapi peal.
Valged karvad kassi turjal.
Valge pitsiline päevavari lambikupliks.
Valge karvamüts külmadeks ilmadeks.

2010-01-08T04:43:00.003-06:00

Andes ajale rohkem elu,

anname elule rohkem aega.

Stefan Klein

Life of Learning

2009-12-30T09:58:00.000-06:00

"Why don't you want to fly to Vancouver?!" they asked from me in the airport, when I asked them to make sure that my baggage will land in Amsterdam, not in Vancouver and that I am not taking part of the flight to Canada...
"Well, I have changed my mind..." I said, holding myself back from telling them all the story...
I scanned inside of myself when I was telling the same thing in Amsterdam to KLM-lady about my cancelled flight. I realized that with choosing not to fly further, I choose being grounded and stable. The idea of heading towards Canada, made me shiver...made me realize that back in there I will be in the air again...

What is wrong or what is right?
I noticed myself standing on the cross-road, turning my boat to the direction which seems right at the moment, leaving other paths behind, waiting for their turn to come or never to come.
This is the way we live lives. We choose.
I have been putting an effort to find out what is right, what is the best for me? Well, this process can drive you mad when you deal with it too much.
Life is happening anyways.
Things do come to me when I stand still, when I do less, when I look closer and when I pay attention.
Big things are the same as small things.
Going to the world with just a backbag is a great thing to do. When I see that someone is doing it now, it reminds me that I have done it too. And in a way, I am still doing. Cause travelling is something which can happen inside and outside.
There is just time for everything.
There is no wrong or right.
It is just about choosing, not doubting.
Cause if you doubt, it makes you to press a "Pause" button. No movement, no change. Just constant anxiety and confusion. It ends when you grab something you see in this mist. It can be something really small. Something you like even when nothing seems likable...
And then,
you can just go on. Continue finding the things which inspire you, which make you feel motivated, which gives you a wish to live.

Life is a constant lesson and you can only get better on it!

So, I am in Belgium, in Gent. It is the same place we were with Sander just before we flew to Mexico. The same Estonian Girl lives here, just in another place. Leana. So, as I see, it is like a full circle now. What can be better!?
Sky is full-on misty and gray,
the bed I am sleeping in has a big red blanket and a movie called "Little Miss Sunshine" made me laugh alone in the room.
I can say, that I am happy.

Stiil ja Vabadus

2009-12-28T06:25:00.001-06:00

Ma muidugi oskan raha ka hästi kulutada, leida midagi, mille vastu teda vahetada. Täna tajusin kuidagi eriti selgelt, milline naljakas mäng see on. Ma annan paberit ja siis saan haaknõelad vastu. Ja see, kes raha saab, on nii õnnelik. Ja mina olen rahul, et sain haaknõelu. Kõik peaks justkui hästi olema! Miks on siis mingi kiuks sees seal kohas, kus osad asjad tunduvad liiga kallid ja siis teiselt poolt ostavad firmad turundusfirmade teenuseid, et ikagi veenda inimesi oma toodete ostmise vajaduses. Kahepoolne õnn on ju eesmärgiks?

Kas on raske anda ja on kange tahtmine saada?

Maailm on ju me endi loodud, miks siis elame näilises puuduses? Meil on see üks planeet siin elamiseks, see on ümmargune ja omamoodi lõplik, on terviksüsteem. Seega peaks olema võimalik kõigil elada tervelt ja külluslikult, puudused tulevad vaid sellest, kui me ei ole osanud ressursse hästi jaotada.
Vaene on ju mõnes kohas suisa illegaalne olla. Näiteks USAsse sisenedes või ka teistesse esimese maailma heaoluriikidesse minna soovides on piiriametnikel õigus küsida, kui palju raha on sul pangaarvel, kus sa töötad ja kuhu lähed - kõlab nagu üli-uudishimulik vanaema, kes soovib info omamise kaudu kontrollida sind, isegi kui ta ei jõua igale poole kaasa tulla, kuhu sa lähed. Vähemasti tahab ta teada, mismoodi asjad on ja ega see polegi nii oluline, et kuidas sa end tunned ja et kas on tundeselgust ja mõtteerksust... oluline on pigem see, et kas on taskus palju raha ja oled tegemas midagi prestiižset, su tegemistel on tava-loogilised seletused ja sa oled lihtsasti jälgitav - küll pangakonto toimingute ja ka näiteks postkaartide ja hotellide ja kõiksugu selliste süsteemide kaudu.

Noh, võibolla polegi see halb.
Praegu lähen minagi lennuki peale kohvriga, seljas mantel ja jalas kenad saapad. Pealtpoolt vaadates võiks arvata, et ma olen peen preili. Kui läbi lumeraja lennujaama poole astusin ja ninast tatti välja nuuskasin, niimoodi suusatajate või vanade metsameeste moodi, siis mõtlesin küll, et ei tea, kas see läheb üleüldise "stiiliga" kokku...., või et kui ema seda näeks!?

Võibolla võin ma nüüd olla vahest ka "stiilipuhas", kui ma seda tugevasti otsustan ja arvan, et tasub proovida. Sest nüüd ma taipan, et ükskõik, millist vormi ma endal ka üll kannan, ei muuda see seda, milline ma olen. Niimoodi saab ka vähem vaielda, sest enda seisukoha tõestamine polegi eriti oluline enam. See on vaikselt ja kindlalt enda sees olemas, kuulamas uusi vaatenurki, ennast sirutamas ja avardamas. Ta pole enam ohustatud. Teda pole kunagi kaitsta vaja olnudki, naljakas, et kunagi siiski see vajalik tundus...

Lendan Amsterdami. Loodan, et ma Kanadasse ei lähe, kuigi see lend sinna lõpuks välja viib. Plaanin lihtsalt varem välja astuda, sest selle ajaga, mis olen Eestis olnud, on mu elu nii palju muutunud, et praegu Kanadasse minemine ei tundu esimese hooga nii vajalik. Ainult väike igatsusvalu on seal endast märku andmast, mind hullusele kutsumas. Pass on ju kaasas ja arvuti ja hambahari. See, kas mind riiki lubataks, on muidugi omaette küsimus. Aga küllap pika lennu jooksul jõuaks ka mõne hea loo välja mõelda. Ja mu praegune "stiil" lubaks mul vast kindlamalt sinna sisse sulanduda, jätta mulje, et olen mõni Ida-Euroopa tähtis preili, karvamüts peas ja arvuti kotis.
Mõnus on niimoodi mõelda.
Tunda seda, et ma olengi vaba, otsustama just nii, kuidas sel hetkel, kui on otsustamise aeg, kõige õigem tundub.
Nii ma lähengi,
homme.
Iga minemine on omamoodi lõplik.
Iga hüvastijätt on tähtis ja samas nii lihtne. Mis siin ikka nutta.
Elu tuleb ja läheb.

Mina lehvitan sellest aastast siitmaalt ja eks siis ole näha, mis edasi saab. Kell näitas 14:14 ja 2:22.
Head ended.

Messages of Love*Armastuse Sõnumid

2009-12-24T17:08:00.002-06:00

This is my wish for the time of solstice and so called Christmas.

I take it as a time to share the warmth from the heart to friends met on the path of life.

It is time of darkness, at least here in Estonia.

But each day from now on there will be more light in our days and white snow is covering the land, trees and dirt.

See on mu jõulusoov.

On aeg jagada südame soojust nende imelistega, keda on õnn olnud kohata sel elurajal.

Pimeduse aeg on meil siin, kuid valgust on igasse päeva nüüd süttimas rohkem kui eile,

lumi katab valgeks maa ja puhtaks mustuse.

~*~

Ja siin on kõik ilus ja hea, mis minuga viimasel ajal on juhtunud ja minus helgib ja lehvitab,

on ühendus kurvilistest rännuteedest, ookeanide lainetusest ja mägede valgetest tippudest, suurtele küsimustele vastamisest, elu maagiast ja muinasjutust, rikkuse otsinguist ja sõprade kätest, siin ja sealpool merd ja muusikat, on purjepaat ja kootud kindad.

~Armastan Sind,

mu Sõber ja Kallis~

~*~

So here you can see all the beautiful and good things which happened with me recently, waving and sparkling inside. It is a connection in between curvy paths of travels, tides of oceans and white mountain-tops, finding answers to big questions about life, magic and fairytales of moments, search of abundance and hands of friends on the different sides of ocean and music,

sail-boat and knitted gloves.

~I love You,

my friends and dear-ones~

2009-12-22T11:08:00.001-06:00

When I am surrounded by bliss I still keep on doubting, I keep on searching for the reasons why things aren't still good enough. That sounds just stupid!
Is this the real challenge - to understand that I am already happy. That my life is just on the best path. It is the only real path I am on.

Things from "out there", from friends I have met during the last year, they pop up into my reality here and some ache comes along, some longing and missing... And for now I have decided not to fly to Canada on the 29th of Dec. Still, I am taking this flight part-way, until Amsterdam - I will have a chance to get some other angle and fresh air from Estonia. I am visioning the moment when I step out from the airport, falling into the tears.... just realizing that I am not taking the chance there is for me... chance to take a boat across the gulf and be there, back in Victoria, on the shores of ocean, seeing white mountaintops of USA, meeting with strong winds and rough stones, and Freya, and friends.
There is pain there. I am feeling it. And I am asking why is it there?
Is it there for me to go and see or is it there for me to observe from a position of peace?

Endless questions. So many doubts.
I have been changing my mind so many times during this time in Estonia (more than 2 months for now) that people close by have lost track and they are not trying to understand anymore... and I have gave up the need to discuss and also share my last "decision". Useless.

The World is changing all the time and now I am experiencing it full-on! What am I learning from it?
Well,
I must say that this turmoil makes me want to stand solid and grounded, taking deep breaths and looking through illusions, asking more from the body than from the mind. Mind gets caught into thoughts and emotions get caught into longings. I cannot trust them.

Yes, there is this change and all that, but I have decided I am not confused anymore. I am just living every day as it comes. And I am more just in a position of accepting and not going out there to look after... I see that the world hasn't stopped moving and things really do come to me.

My biggest fear is to get stuck in here, to do "wrong" things and to "give up my freedom".
So,
I might just need to do it all - face the fears and go to University, live in the centre of Tallinn, sing in Pandivere choir, fall in love of life, be here and now, write letters to those ones who are not near by and knit some gloves and socks and take it easy.

Life comes and goes. My dear friend Alex with whom I had heart-connection already in Rainbow and then she came to Horse Caravan and we got even closer, singing songs together..., she went to travel in another realms, she left the earthly body behind there in Costa Rica.
I cannot be truly sad, cause she let me know that this was the choice of her spirit and that while being alive it is so important to follow your heart and to live the best life you can imagine. She also reminds me to write a book, cause she was waiting for it already when we just met... I am now waiting for a response from a publisher in Estonia - whether to continue with it. We shall see.

Alex also teached me a song and I had forgotten the words and my wish to her was that she will remind me those somehow so that I could sing it again... This really did happen, last night when I was listening to another song... those words just came to me and I found it from the internet. You can listen to it hopefully from here
Womb Of The Earth:
http://www.stumbleaudio.com/#butterfly2/4
There is another one called - May I Be Strong - those ones she taught to me, those ones speak with me strong.

Womb of the Earth

Sasha Butterfly

the blessed gift this child brings
the veil will open when the angel sing
the blessed gift this child brings
the veil will open when the angel sings
and the arms of the earth are open wide
recieving the blessings from inside
womb of the earth, miracle of birth
womb of the earth, miracle of birth
brought here from the earth and sky
an angel of light come here to try
to remind us of the the simple bliss
that lies within a mothers' kiss
and the arms of the earth are open wide
recieving the blessings from inside
womb of the earth, miracle of birth
womb of the earth, miracle of birth
divine mother, sister, friend
wings of birds these prayers I send
and the arms of the earth are open wide
recieving the blessings from inside
womb of the earth, miracle of birth
womb of the earth, miracle of birth
divine father, brother, soul
a mothers arms will keep you whole
divine father, brother, soul
a mothers arms will keep you whole
and the arms of the earth are open wide
recieving the blessings from inside
womb of the earth, miracle of birth
womb of the earth, miracle of birth

This is a life of Miracles we are all Living here.

Valge Päeva Võlu

2009-12-15T04:00:00.002-06:00

Õndsad on need hetked, mil olen oma liikumise ainuke kapten. Mu laevaks on seekord ema auto. Simunasse oli põhjust viia ema juuksurisse, sealt edasi olen küll väikse missiooniga leida värvi-pann Väike-Maarjast, kuid palju teid viib sinna...

Võtan ühe, peatun lumevalguses ja selge taeva all. Puude tagant tõuseb Päike. No küll on see ikka imeline, valguse tulek maailma! On vaja vaadata pikalt hallust, et aduda selle kera suurt rolli meie maa-ilmades. Rõõm tõuseb laotusse!

On nii külm, et saapad naksuvad teel, justkui tahaks kinni jäätuda. -17 Celsiuse kraadi. Kristalliseerunud vesi katab kõike, särab ja sätendab.

Sõidan edasi ja peatun siis jälle. Arheoloogiamälestis, hiiemägi ja ohvripaik, püüab mu tähelepanu. Tajun soovi sinna astuda, sellesse pühasse ruumi. Kuigi kahekümnendatel hakati ses paigas paekivi kaevandama ja kunagisest kahest mäest on järgi jäänud vaid puhmasküngas, on iidset hõngu tajuda.
Uguri Mägi.

Enese sees hakkab kõnelema "Kalevipojas" sõnatu:
"Aga ükskord algab aega,
mil kõik pirrud kahel otsal
lausa löövad lõkendama.
Lausa tuleleeki lõikab
käe siis kaljukammitsasta.
Küll siis Kalev jõuab koju
oma rahval õnne tooma,
Eesti põlve uueks looma!"

Need sõnad, nende jõud võbeleb mu sees ja meenutab midagi, mida ma teadlikult pole kunagi mäletanud. Võibolla vanad eestlased olid sarnased praegu tuntud oraaklite maiade, hopi indiaanlaste, tiibetlaste ja teiste tark-rahvastega? Võibolla on nende sõnade mõistmine mõistusega hoopis võimatu - niimoodi saab ainult tähtedesse kinni jääda, kuid tegelik informatsioon on suurem ja kõikehõlmavam. Kui vormitu tahetakse vormi panna, läheb ju ikka midagi kaotsi. Kasutades intuitsiooni ja universumi-taju, on vahest võimalik hakata silmama silmaga nähtamatut, näha nii, nagu justab Castaneda oma raamatuis. Näha illusioonidest läbi.

Sõidan julgelt teil, mida pole kunagi teadnud. Niimoodi käibki maadeavastamine. See piirkond, sõitmata teed, viivad mind rändama erinevais reaalsustes. Muinasmaailm ja imeilm on mu kodulaanteks taas. Hobuste kabjad kappavad teil, kuhu asfalt pole roomanud. On ju võimalik ka Eestimaal rännata suviti ringi sõpradega, hobuste turjadel. Kes küll teostaks neid häid mõtteid, mis su enda juurde tulevad? Eks vist ikka ainult ise!

Maailm, kui võimalikkuse mängulava.

Külapoes on ilus vanamees. Mu silmad peatuvad ta mustrilistel labakinnastel. Mõtlen enda omadele, mis on nädal otsa kudumata rännanud minuga mööda Eestimaad. Meenutus jätkamisele. See sama mees on kõrvalpoes ka, kui ostan viigimarju. Siis teatan talle kuis mulle ta kindad meeldivad - tema vastab, et need on ta ämma kootud. Ja seesama ämm oli ülevalla tuntud kokk omal ajal. Käis kodunduskoolis, talvel kudus selliseid imepäraseid mitmevärvilisi kindaid ja muul ajal siis tegi nii hästi süüa, et tema suurt koka-annet teati rohkem kui ühe-pere-ringis. No ja siis oli ta isa ka kindaid kududa osanud, sest kui ta noorena läti pool elas ja lätlastelt naha peale sai, õppis ta kodus ema käest hoopiski kuduma. Täpne poiss olevat olnud!
"Vanasti olid ikka ajad hoopis ilusamad! Aga näe, sina oled küll haruldane oma huviga!" sõnab ta selle pääle, kui mõtlen valjusti oma kinnaste jätkamisest...

See erinevate aegade sees rändamise taju jätkus minu jaoks selle vestlusega. Maailm on just selline, kuis ise luua. On müstikat ja muinasjuttu just nii palju olemas, kui endasse suudad mahutada.

Külm on hea hingamisele - lõõrid lähevad lahti ja tatt voolab välja.
See päev on püha.
Päike jääbki nii madalale ja tõusmisest saab pea kohe loojumine.
Põhjamaised võlud.
Korstendest tõuseb valkjaid suitsuhabemeid.

In The Middle Of It All

2009-12-08T20:45:00.006-06:00

.

what to do when the heart is torn in between two continents?

when the sea doesn't replace the ocean

and being a guest doesn't replace being at home?

through the fields of choices

time will point the path to walk on

is there much to do about it

or is the decision already made?

in life and in love

you can count on the changes

they hold up the universe

they make the world turn around

are you my love?

am I your love?

do I see clear enough?

maybe I create illusions

oh, shall the path of truth

be rolled out for me

when the time to take my steps

is there to face

.
Haapsalu
09.12.09

Inim-Keha-Ime-Ulme

2009-12-07T11:11:00.000-06:00

Kogu inimkeha arterid lebavad klaasi all. Kui nende vahele ja külge ja peale kujutada ette luu, lihased ja nahk, saab pildi kokku. Veresoonte võrk ulatub igale poole ja iga veretilk inimkehas läbib igas minutis korra südant. 160 000 m elueliksiiri jõgesid on meie sees.
Näen, millistes piirkondades on verevahetus hoopis suurem, kus on prioriteedid ja piirid.

Kõige suurema mulje jättis haigete kopsude nägemine. Suitsetamine mõjub silmnähtavalt mustavalt ja hingamisprotseduuri efektiivsust pärssivalt. Kõik kehas toimiv on omavahel seotud.

Tekkis vastutuse tunne oma keha hea toimimise eest. See, mida ma suust sisse panen ja see, kuidas oma kehaga liigutan, milliseid mõtteid mõtlen, kus paigus kondan - kõigel on oma roll. Kuidas elada küll nii, et toimida saaks tervelt? Et poleks vaja ühel organil hakata teise toimimispraaki kompenseerima..., et poleks mu eluviis liiga raske, et maine väljendus oma potentsiaali kasutaks. Kvaliteetaeg.

~

Üha selgem on see, et ilus elu on valik. Iga elu sees on ilusa elu idu, ainult et vahest on see nukkuvas faasis ja siis on vaja vett ja valgust, et hakkaks uus algus.
Olen liikumises ja laulmises,
oma paiga leidmises.
Õhk on hingamiseks, põhja pool kargem ja mere pool maitsvam.
Iga päev on üllatus,
pikalt plaanida ei saa,
vaid taibata toimuvat.

From English to Estonian and MySpace

2009-12-03T02:59:00.001-06:00

As we both are now in Estonia, writing in Estonian comes more naturally. From time to time I guess I just want to practice my English and some thoughts are being born just in the language they are born. There is much to do about it then. To translate only.
And this is the chance for those who do not understand Estonian - Google Translate has reached to even this small language spoken by about 1 million people... So, no limits. Although I have observed that the way I write about things is not always very "following the rules", so it requires some "being on the wave with me" skills. Thank you for that effort!

So, what will happen with me, am I going to return to Canada or are there things to do here in Estonia for me?
I have stopped asking this question,
cause I only have one day to live and one day to love.
So I am knitting gloves,
being inspired by Estonian folk patterns, music, clothes and wisdom.

Songs keep on coming to me and I am asked to develop my singing and guitar-playing skills. I made the first "obvious" step on this road and now you can listen to my chef-d'oeuvre's - www.myspace.com/marianhiire

Days are continuously gray, rain is pouring down without any breaks. But people hearts are learning to beat in the harmonious rhythm, to give birth to light and warmth.
"Estonians are aliens," as just one french thai-masseuse said after observing our friend's birthday party without any alcohol, filled with hugs, folk-songs, other songs, improvisational music, dances, touching games, inspired conversations and warmth which turned strangers into friends. We ended up having a massage lesson, working in pairs and a talking circle, showing our gratitude.
Those things make me so grateful about being alive, being Estonian, being here where I am. And I have to admit that I have been lucky enough to find this kind of events outside Estonia too. Maybe they are following me... :)

Sooja sisse!

Õnn On Jagamiseks

2009-11-26T14:54:00.003-06:00

Sel hommikul ärkan päikesesse. On tegelikult lõuna, aga minu öö algas alles hommikul seitsme paiku..., niiet on just paras aeg magatud, kui ma järsku avan oma silmad. Ainult ühel pool maja paistab see kullakera, mida viimasel ajal nii vähe näha on olnud.

Tunnen oma keha, selles on kummaline surin sees. Justkui kass nurruks kõhuks ja see teeb kõik, mida kogen, nii heaks.
Odrapuder gheega (selline või, mida on keedetud ja pealt riisutud vadak, järgi jääb kuldkollane pehmus. Indias tehakse just eriti niimoodi) on mulle lauale laotatud. Sinna juurde suutäied mõnusat jutuajamist. Õnne on see naine, kes minuga lahkust jagab. Mina olen kodus, kus mul on lubatud seekord olla.

Hallus laotas end taas laiali välises ilmas, kuid päikesemaik on mu keelel.

Esmaspäevase rahuga sätin ma end valmis. Lauale on jäetud rosinaid ja pähkleid suukosutuseks ja hommikurõõmuks. Valge koera pikad karvad paitavad mu sokid paksemaks.
Lähen kui on õige aeg, võtan parklast auto ja mängib Iker Goenaga "Amorrua" - muusika, mis oma elavusega oskab küll taevasse tõsta ja siis ka maasse juurutada.

Valgus on sellest päevast juba haihtumas. Nii lühikene on aeg, mil on meile heledust antud. Pärast lõunat algab õhtu. Palju puhkamisaega.
On mõned värvid taevas ja kui sõidan üle pikast sillast, siis on aega et seda endasse hingata. Mälupilt saab tehtud.
Lähen paika, kus raha vastu vahetatakse head ja paremat kraami. Ma tean, mida ma tahan ja seda ma ka leian. Minus on soovi täita kodu kappe külluse ja tervisega, et me kehad saaks hästi toidetud ja meeled maitsetega rahuldatud. Vanemad on tagasi tulemas. Nende lubatus võimaldab mul niimoodi liikuda praegu, mängida maailmaga.

Oh, see tunne, õnnesurin, on ikka mu sees. Ta kuristab kergeks kõik hetked. Midagi mind ei masenda. Ei inimeste lettidevaheline mõttetegevus ja kassapidaja tuim nägu. See vilksatab viivuks hoopis elust, kui vaatan talle silma ja soovin ilusat õhtut.
Tunnen, kuidas olen naine. Kuidas kõnnin koos uhkusega olla just neis hetkis, olla just selline kui täna olen.

Mandariinind - neid soovib õde siit Taaralinnast. Lähen teise poodi, sest siin pole parimaid.
Tulen välja, nüüd on juba pime.
Märkan meest, kes seisab väljas ja vaatab mind. Ta on tumedais riideis, tal on kodutu välimus. Ta paneb mind küsima eneselt, kas mul on õigus olla nii õnnelik, näha nii palju valgust ja rõõmu ilmas, mis talle on nii hall, on nii trööstitu ja kurb.
Istun autosse ja mängib taas muusika.

Akna taga on ootamatult see mees. Räägib ja näitab midagi kätega. Ma korraks ehmatun. Raputan pead, tunnen vist pelgust. Ja ma vaatan teda edasi. Näen, et ta silmad on siirad. Teen akna lahti ja keeran muusika kinni.
"Mul ei ole midagi siin valetada. Kui valetan, siis ainult iseendale. Ma olen kodutu. Kui sa saad, siis osta mulle saia, piima, vorsti ja limonaadi," ta ütleb.
"Valetamise kohalt on sul küll õigus, huvitav, et see tema suust meeldetuletusena taas tuleb," mõtlen omaette.
Ma enam ei karda. Hoopis mõistan. Sest sel reisiaastal oli mul hetki, kui ka mina ei teadnud, kuhu magama minna. Kodutute inimeste maailm tuli mulle hoopis lähemale. Ka see, mida ta võib tunda, kui läheb kellegi juurde midagi küsima, on mulle mõistetavam.
Peatasin oma maailma ja mineku.
Astusin autost välja, poodi, et osta talle seda, mida ta palus.

Valisin parima saia, kus oleks vähem säilitus- ja värvaineid. Võtsin piima asemel keefiri, mida ta variandina mainis. Valisin tunde järgi vorsti, suitsuvorst tundus tõeliseim. Limpa limonaad ka.
Mitte kunagi elus polnud ma kogenud nii suurt rahu ja rõõmu kellelegi midagi andes, just niimoodi, tundmatule küsijale. Muidu kerjajatest möödudes on minus tihti olnud segu häbist ja andmissoovist ja mõistmisest ja arvamisest ja keeldumisest. Seekord ma teadsin, mida mul teha tuleb.

Kõhus kõditas ikkagi see soe tunne edasi, kandmas mind läbi nende hetkede. Sain ühtäkki aru, et ma saan jagada enda õnne. Sellepärast see mees mu ellu tuligi. Enam ei tundnud ma, et on ülekohtune olla nii rõõmus. See on jagamiseks. Ja just see suur valgus minus, lubas seda ka edasi kiirata.

Kuulasin ta elu lugu. Tahtsin talle meenutada, et elus on põhjust olla. Ta enne ütles, et talve tulekul on tal üks variant end üles puua, siis ei pea enam kerjama. Varastada ta ei taha. Vangi ta enam sattuda ei taha. Just nüüd ta seal oli 1 aasta ja 8 kuud. Sest ta lõi politseinikku. Ta pandi kokku tapjatega ning see oli päris õõvastav kogemus, mida ta pikalt kirjeldama ei hakanud.

"Hea tüdruk oled, kui saaks, siis võtaks naiseks. Tõsiselt kah, ega ma ei valeta. Aga no see on ainult nali, tead küll. Sellepärast ütlen, et hea oled. Ütlen kolm korda, see on ju kohtuseadus. Ära nüüd muretse, ega ma siis halva pärast. No mine siis, aitäh! Ja ära oma rindu ära kaota, see on õnnistus. Ära neid liiga palju näita ka, muidu veel vaadatakse.."

Jalustrabav ausus. Ta patsutab mind õlale nagu vana sõpra ja niimoodi me lahku lähemegi. Ta soovis veel mu autos soojas istuda 10 minutit, kuid seal kohas tõmbasin ma joone maha ja astusin oma teele.

Tükk aega seedisin seda kõike läbi, mis nüüd juhtus. Raputasin omaenda maailma. Avastasin võimalikkust edasi. Ja isegi kui korraks mõtlesin, kas tegin ikka hästi, leidsin endast palju head tunnet, mis mind sellest kogemusest oli läbi kandnud, isegi kui kohati ma astusin sammu tagasi, tundes ta pesematusest tekkinud lõhna...lehka... Aga no mis siis sellest, see on ju elu. Maa peal pole midagi räpast. Mustus on lihtsalt mustus.

Tema silmad on heledad, selged ja siirad.
Tema olemasolu on kingitus.

Kui Sul on, siis jaga seda teistega. Sa ei saa kaotada, hoopis võita. Me oleme õed ja vennad siin Maal.

Where are you in your life?

2009-11-16T08:15:00.001-06:00

I move on the Earth.
Now some people call me the "worldtraveller".
I guess it was my dream to become a one.

I went into the apartment where we used to live when we were children with Sander.
It is the place of the past. We left it behind when one summer on the countryside never ended and we didn't move back to the village, to our old home. We have been taking things along from there. But lots of them are left behind.

My room. My eyes see it through my little self, my little Marian. Room is so small, but we used to live there with Sander, only having a small floor-space for all the games we played. Big desk, father got it from his working place, old-russian-way-office-desk.
The whole table and floor was full of things, papers, books, toys. Today I had strength to go through it. Today I threw away boxes of old papers and clothes and things. There are more to deal with. But much is gone.
It is tiring. But it is rewarding.
I am amazed that this place is just existing, nobody taking care of it and when you turn on the water in the toilet, water starts to run through the flushing box... What a surprise!
Today I had courage to burn the candle we were saving for some special occasions. It was shaped as a bear in Santa-Claus suit.
I am burning my childhood. But it is not like denying it or killing it. It is more like looking it from aside. Observing. And realizing that some things are over. And there is much to learn from it - for example - to use my favorite stickers right away, not to put them aside until I am 23. This feeling of excitement around stickers is not the same.
Though, why not?
Yes,
there is something in me, still interested in beautiful small things, decorating my books and diaries with pretty pictures.

http://nekochan828.deviantart.com/

Oh, when I was there, I met with a wish to find my own home. I just want to move there and to have space for wool and hand-made stuff to work with. And for piano. And walls will be light and bright there.
In this place of childhood, it all felt so out of time. Small girl is big girl now. Now is the time I can live my dreams.
I do not need to have a childhood place in New Zealand to feel cool in my life.
Also, I do not need to live abroad to feel fulfilled in my life. There is more in me than I even know.
I am a creation of my mind, mostly. And as my mind is changing, I am changing. And as I am teaching silence to my mind, I might even find something else behind it. Cause when the mind is gone, I am not gone.
We will see.

Meanwhile,
dogs and cats are fed and snow is melting over here.
I am pleased that parents do take time to see the world too and hopefully they will come back with a new understanding in their eyes or hearts. I have time to drive on the misty gray roads of Estonia, listening to Vangelis. Conquest of Paradise. 1492.

Tantsumasin. Dancemachine.

2009-11-14T16:38:00.002-06:00

Parents flew to China and I took their car and turned the wheels towards Viljandi - city of folk-music and culture.
170 km is long enough to start enjoying driving, to get into being alone on the road.
I made some great discoveries about myself.

In the beginning I listened some good mellow Estonian female voice and nice songs, but then it was suddenly enough. I turned on the radio and only station which worked, was Russian radio. I have never listened to it so far. But now it was just perfect! Some good beats and language which is quite ununderstandable for me. So relaxing!
I realized that I do understand something.

Then. Radio lost its signal and my only option (besides listening to this mellow woman) was to listen to "I love 90's" CD.
Well.
"Maybe it is good," I thought.
Indeed.
Big was my surprise when I found myself going along with the beat and dancing in the car as much as possible. Good old love-disco-songs! One moment brought a scream out of me. When I realized that nobody is listening to me and I am not disturbing anybody, I was so relieved that I screamed even more! Full power!
Probably for the first time in my life.

Viljandi.
There I was finally.
Next to the gas station I wrote words into my computer, waiting for my brother to arrive. He came and we drove towards concert place.

Tantsumasin was the name of the event - dancemachine. It was something simple and Estonian - dances were not all polished and perfect - they were as people - different steps, different movements in the hips...
And the story was carried out with some nice symbols and there was space for everybody to create their own story too.

So when we had a cake and drink after the show, we danced with musicians and dancers and got together as a friendly family and then they asked if we want to go to sauna with them, with the group of Tantsumasin.
Well,
it took some courage to go with the strangers. Leana and Sander were doubting about that, but my feeling told to go. So, I talked them into it and there we were, learning to know each other in Estonian Way - in sauna, all naked :)
That was a good night to remember and to learn from that too.
Finally we were all so pleased to be so relaxed and warm to the bones. And we got to know some people who were just on the stage some hours ago.
Everybody needs somebody to go to sauna with!

On the west coast of Estonia there is no snow.
But here in Virumaa, in the center of Estonia, my brother and sister just went to skiing.
Small country, but lots of variety!

Sauna tonight too.
Candlelight.
Honey on the skin and snowangels outside on the ground. It feels great to have snow next to your bare and warm skin...
When honey dries out, you can massage your skin and this stickyness brings toxines out! And you are definately so sweet as you can be! :)

So,
friends, come over and lets go to sauna!

2009-11-10T18:41:00.000-06:00

LUIGED LÄINUD
LUMI TAGA

on the Fathers Day

2009-11-08T12:20:00.000-06:00

I am back in west coast. I followed the setting sun. But this time I just knew it, I didn't see it, the Sun I mean. Instead I saw snow on my road. And when I got here, the snow was gone.
They still have snow out there, in other part of Estonia.
But Haapsalu is warm.
It reminds me Canadian west coast.

I remember how I used to feel here. I feel it again. Only now I am new. I made the step, forward, not back.
I can see the sea from the window of my friends home. She left me her home keys, soon she is coming back. And I am waiting.

Accordion appeared. Grandmother was delighted to meet with the right moment where her granddaughter finally got ready for her instrument. Tears in her eyes - she listened me playing and singing.

I have songs coming to me. One night I recorded two of them. You can listen to : www.myspace.com/marianhiire
Unplugged and the beginning it is.
I am taking my time to meet with next steps on the road of sharing.

Once again we said goodbye - sister and brother of Semiluuto. We grow, in different places, but towards the same Light. There is strength in it. There are lessons in it.

Freedom in communication, touch and understanding flows into the presence of my life.

In Haapsalu there is still the Secret Garden waiting for me. The house is not sold. Apples are under the trees, they taste so good. My stomach moved, my heart was beating... while I stepped again into this Garden. Maybe we are about to meet some time in the future. Maybe I will live there one day. We are waiting for each other.

This is happiness - to be alive~

2009-11-02T18:24:00.000-06:00

Dear People
We are amazing embodiments here on earth~ from east to west ~ from north to south ~
There are hugs, smiles and shared moments connecting all of us.
Through the movement and sharing we are able to comprehend the "true reality" being much more grounded.
Just because the playground is getting wider thanks to you.

When you step up, take a brief moment to focus on the earth you are standing on. Examine the feeling and support we get from the Mother Earth.

I am writing things that are carried by this very moment. I write to understand myself through this medium, through you dear Reader.

Things Happen!

Sander

All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory

2009-11-02T17:52:00.000-06:00

This collage I made before our travels as a manifestation photo~
When I look back to my memories and feelings right now~ It all comes together as ONE

All of life comes to me with ease and joy and glory!

Let this centence and powerful self programming energy enter your reality!
We are here on earth to Live a Life

SANderSAN
with motivation

Stroke of Insight

2009-10-29T13:33:00.000-06:00

This woman, brain researcher learned to know her own brain through a brain stroke. Left and right brain sides have so different tasks for us. Enlightening to see! Check the link!

Stroke of Insight

Train your left body side~

Choice to Live

2009-10-29T03:03:00.002-06:00

Here you are, standing and looking your life. The place you live. Things you eat. Clothes you wear. Things you do. People you go along with.

From a blog: http://my.opera.com/ptckian/blog/index.dml/tag/Thoughts

You are new. Life is still the same. It is your life. World is changing, yes, but it takes its time. Things on Earth are moving slower than our minds and spirits. We have to learn to accept and appreciate that.
We can learn to live in the flow of Tao.

Do not make any decisions based upon rush or fear or unbalance. Wait until you know and act then.
Wait until things come to you, you do not have to put yourself out there so loud...

This is what my experience is teaching me. I am learning to walk. I am falling down and then I am rising again, still in the process of learning to walk. I will succeed when I am ready.
Mistakes are there to be made and to move on.

Thank you for allowing us to share the whole process with you. Do not take me or us so seriously. We are still young citizens of the Earth, no matter for how old our Spirits are.

~
~
~

Hulgerdamine ehk vabalt öiste hetkede kogemine

2009-10-26T18:07:00.005-06:00

Kassitoomel laulavad rebased~

Linna metsikus koosluses eksisteerivad inimesed kõrvuti oma looduga. Õnneks on veel midagi lisaks loodud.
Tooks heaks näiteks rebased.
Nad kalpsavad mängeldes ringi. Kindla peale on neid vähemalt kaks ning inimesed on nende silmis kui liikuvad puud.
Ühel hetkel lendlevad lehtede sahinal mööda rebasepoisid, siis vurab tänavapuhastusmassin vilkurite saatel rämpsu radadel. Muidu hilised jõlkujad~ Valguste ja hoovide vaatlejad. Lugude otsijad ning puude puudutajad. Nad näevad ja märkavad seda mis on muidu olemisele omakorda omane ;D

See hääl mis esmalt meenutas hüsteerilist naist~ metsikut kitse ~ hullunud koera~ paranormaalset nähtust~ osutus rebasepoisi hüüdeks oma mängukaaslasega taaskohtumiseks.

Üles ja alla~ veelkord~ Ring peale~ Alla ~ Üles ~ Otse üle tee~ Alla ~ sabad sirged ja käpad kerged.

Tartus juhtub asju
Toast välja minnes märkad neid~
Tuleb ikka sutsukene tuulduda~
Tuleb selgus südamesse

2009-10-21T08:33:00.006-05:00

World of Variety

2009-10-21T03:01:00.000-05:00

So you think you know something about your life..., you think that you live in the moment and there is a road in front of you to follow.
Stop.
All of a sudden it all can just dissapear.
There is everything in front of you. Your perspective changes and there is nothing you are sure of anymore.
All the things in your life start talking, all the past and all the future. Letters from here and there, opportunities and ideas, science and music, forest and ocean, healing and painting, politics and project writing, photography and traveling.
Mom tells to curl the hair and find a mate, be around people... They will support me until I find my own way to get the bread to the table... They think how could I use my (brain) capacity the best.
Maybe I am just afraid to loose connection with the path of light and healing, when I step (back) into the world of science, oceanography or biology teacher...
Why am I interested in this then too? Why there is understanding and passion in me about physics and chemistry? Who needs my healing, oceans or people?

Is it possible to do it all together. Is there time?

You, friends from here and there, how are we supposed to be together, to create and share?
All is possible.
Trans-Siberian train, Mongolia, Japan, British Columbia, Yukon, Alaska, Estonia, Scotland, Sweden, Tibet, sailing around the World.

Maybe it is time to shake your world. I must say that it is not easy to be in this place and situation.
Though there is a degree of certain and specific joy in it. It is the end and beginning. Take one and throw another...

~

I am in love of Estonia now.
Natives we are.
Even peyote plants are growing here.

~

What is the time? It is Now

2009-10-15T06:12:00.000-05:00

Here I write down a question for You.

Siin on küsimus Sulle.

We both ask to give us some feedback about how all this "Semiluuto" has influenced You,

Palume teil anda meile tagasisidet selle kohta kuis "Semiluuto" on Sinu jaoks olemas,

how you feel and think about that,

mida Sa tunned ja mõtled selle kohta,

what is good and what is bad ~

mis on halb ja mis on hea ~

let it all out,

lase kõik välja,

long or short,

pikalt või lühikeselt,

black and white or colourful.

mustvalgelt või värviliselt.

This is how we are going to move on,

Sedamoodi me kasvame ja areneme,

sharing ideas,

jagades ideesid,

sharing lives.

jagades elusid.

Speaking our Truth.

Rääkides oma Tõde.

Maybe something moves in you when you read and then you think that it is not worth mentioning...

but IT IS! You are the One. We all are connected and we can use tool of verbal and written communication to see the world from different angles, to share how we see.

semiluuto@gmail.com

Võibolla midagi liigutub Sinus kui loed... siis aga jätad selle mainimata, sest arvad, et see pole seda väärt... aga tead mis, SEE ON!

Me oleme kõik ühendatud ja meie kasutada on kõneline ja kirjaline suhlemine,

et saaksime maailma näha erinevatest vaatekohtadest,

jagada seda, mida läbi eneste kogeme.

semiluuto@gmail.com

Täname. Olge lahked.

Thank you for your kindness.

And now you can continue with what else came up today... :)

~~~~~~~~

Some things change. Some things do not change.

There is happiness and sadness bound to those realizations. Over it all goes peace. It is observation, it is allowance.

Every morning and every night when I go to sleep I say: "All of Life comes to me with Ease and Joy and Glory!"
This is called manifestation. I have done it for years now. As I look back to my life lived since I started that, I have to say, that it is truth. This is how my life is being created.
I am the Creator of my life. I am learning to listen to my Spirit, to listen to the Universe. It can take different forms and it can be called with different names. Some of those who are on this path, call themselves as yogis, some of them markames, shamans and so on.

I am from a place on Earth, where we do not have wide-known traditions. Estonians are the most irreligional people on the planet... (by Wikipedia) All that gives us a chance to go along with the energetical changes happening in those times of Now. Light is growing stronger and so are shadows. First things I heard about when I came to Estonia were this economical crisis (called MASU over here - new word is even being created!) and loss of jobs and salaries.
My first reaction was that I want to go back there where I just came from - West coast of Canada, beautiful British Columbia, Vancouver Island.

Then I was reminded to be where I am. This is a doorway to inner peace. I went along with my brother who has created a space to live, which is wood-heated and in an old house, made out of wood. This is a yin-apartment, not so much light from outside. But there is not much light out there anyways. Sky is gray and water is falling down in different forms.

Just here, in this sweet and warm cave I am taking my time to rest and give time to the body to adjust with the different time and environment, temperature and food.
The training I used to take part for 3 years, has evolved and moved on. It is called BodyMindSchool (KehaMeeleKool) Gladly there is space for me to go and tap myself in, to wake up some skills which are there in my body-memory and also to go and understand it from another level. This year of being a traveller has taught me something about the World. I am understood there too. Now it is time to move on and create something new. It is all coming.

Marian. There is the Light. Tartu. Estonia.

Friends of my brother and friends of mine are joining together, those who's hearts have directions in common. It is celebration of Life. It is a gift for me here to see how the community awakes and grows and World really comes together.

Sander. Just come along. Tartu. In the Kitchen.

I am supported by various people and their actions around the world. I am sure to find the right information on the right time. Be free to share your insights and inspirations. I see that it is happening every day - that people realize that the answers cannot be found from outside, they are there, inside.
So decide to get to know yourself better and your issues will be solved, step by step.

You are the change you want to see in the world. There is nowhere to push it forward. Look through the illusions and choose what is right for the Heart, not for the mind. Because mind created world is degrading and falling apart. New children are being born who know what they are doing here, they are well connected with their Spirits and as they grow, they are going to build up the societies where the voice of the mind is used wisely, controlled, not controlling.

For those who are somewhere in the middle of this change, things can be challenging and confusing at certain times. It is a lesson to go through, it is there for us to wake up and let go of the things we are trained to think and have and worry about.
It is all about trust and simplicity and freedom.

Freedom to eat well, to live in balance, to have good friends around and to do what is fulfilling and motivating.

So, if you happen to have ask time next time, take a look at your wrist (and jewelery there) and see that the Time Is Now ~

~alleaa~

Lumesajus / In the Rain of Snow

2009-10-12T03:58:00.000-05:00

This is how it goes that my mind goes into the mode of "speak Estonian now". Cause this is what the other people do around me.

Still, some things cannot be understood by some of you unless I write them down in English. And also this is the connection with the World I am part of. This language reminds me the time I have been there.

It is here too, the World. It is just different.
Waves of life I have lived here swipe over me. I just have to go along, cause I am water. I dissolve. And still, I am. If I let my heart speak, it is not hard. It is as it is. Game of life, different scenes around.
As I have seen it from aside, it looks new and interesting, it makes more sense. And I make more sense too.
The place and culture space where we grow up, shapes our understanding and view to the World. It gives us like glasses to look through. We see as much the glasses are transparent, maybe coloured, maybe framed...
And then, when we go somewhere else, we see that people are wearing different glasses over there!
Sometimes this gives us a chance to get rid of glasses too. It makes us realize what is what. That everything just IS. Usually we judge and create an opinion. But there is another way too, and this way can be surprising.
And this way has its own steps and turns and mists and stop signs. Still, it goes, changes and moves you and you will never return.

Fire is the same, here or there.
That is why it is so great to lit it over here. To sit with it with my brother in his high-ceiling'ed home. Feeling Estonian life around. Being so with the fire still, that there is no difference in places. I just am. Here.

First sight gives a feeling that life is not so easy in Estonia. That there is not an option to just find things from the streets...., so you have to go and buy. I will see. I am looking for all the other options, manifestation and luck. I have been trained to find what I need. I trust that this will happen here too. Cause maybe there is not much I really need and there is less that I want.

Yes, it is raining snow.
It is raining something white over brown and grey.
And shower is in the corridor...

Meis kõigis ON We all have IT

2009-10-06T17:43:00.002-05:00

ARM

SUS

VAB A SUS
AR M US
VAB ARMS US

MUS

~

LOV'

YOU'S

FREE U'
LOV' U'S
FRE LOV U'S

ME'S

I sing goodbye, I am flying~

2009-10-06T12:59:00.002-05:00

I love that I am here now. That I know that there will a plane to catch tomorrow. That this is the last full day I have here. I feel epic. I feel beauty. Sun is on the porch and Aubrey slept there - surprise for all of us. Yogi tea and green smoothy.
Anthony Coppings is offering music.
Mother and family plans to pick me up. I decided that I want to get to the countryside on the same evening. To ground. To land.

I feel sad. I feel happy. I feel blessed to experience that all now. To leave a place and people behind, without knowing if I will ever see them...it is so beautiful. I love it in a strange and painful way. This pain is like the pain when you stretch your body - you do it cause you will become more flexible...and the pain goes away too, it vanishes if you let go.

The Ocean is down there, it will always be. Even if I am not here.

I listened to Catherine and Michael, my house-family, mother and son, when we were driving around last night, finding food... and listening to 80's love-rock loudly sometimes. Mount Tolmie gave me a good sight over the city, lights, moon on the water, islands. I am on a tip of the Vancouver Island. This whole perspective to feel that I am on this spot on the Earth, seeing all that around what is here. And then I will be somewhere else, so far...and all what is there, is around me all of a sudden.

What am I? - just a pattern of light, having a form, but still being free from that too. I will fly over the time and oceans, over the rainbows and rainclouds, I will fly towards the sun, towards sunrise.

Goodbye dear land,
land which reminded me much. I am waking up to myself. I am seeing the wonders, places I have dreamed of.
Yeah, I pick my favourite things to take with me, but the most favourite thing - this place and people - I will not take with me. Some things will maybe remind me all that.. that's why whe have things in life. To be part of the world which is outside, to create reality, to protect and guide you, to give you a shape and color...

Farewell my dear ones~ See you later~

Being away from Estonia has helped to create and have all the stories to share with you. And for those who have been in another place, reading them - maybe you have got a feeling about those places I have seen. I hope that I have been a window to another worlds and realities. And it has been a connection with all of you too for me.
Thank you for reading and being there.

I am not going back. I am going forward. This path is being created now.

We will see again when the time comes. This or another life.

~/\~

In Love I am. In Love Of Life.

This is the beach I go down to,

to play wolf-songs,

to give thanks to Mother Ocean,

to feel cold water on the skin,

to sit and climb on the logs,

to have fire

and to see the Moon.

Give Time

2009-10-03T14:06:00.001-05:00

Just now I am learning how to give time to yourself. Weakness and cough came to teach me to slow down even when it seems that there are lots of things to do - like it always seems, when you get closer to travelling, moving, packing... But this movement which is going to take place so soon, will just happen on its right time. And when there are things I have to do before that, I will do them when I will do them. No need to plan so much and think about those things all the time. Waste of time!

And when body is weak, then it is time to do nothing. To surrender to this flow, not to try to fight and be strong and be more than I am at this time. I think this is the sickness of trying to be sucessful and worthy in the eyes of somebody else, in the eyes of the society (we are just trained like that). But actually there are not many people who see further than their own nose. So, it is kind of selfish to think that they all measure you and count all your mistakes and acts - no, they are busy with thinking their own problems. Observe yourself and see how much you know about the emotional states of people around you. Do you really know what is going on with them? Do you know what are their eyes talking about (it is usually different from what comes out of the mouth...)?

It is beautiful to be away from Estonia. Things over there look a bit epic now, some things make more sense and it is easier to observe and be objective. Soviet shadow is still hanging in the ether. Politics and all this game is pretty dirty sometimes. We are technologically developed, but that means also that we are dependant of self-phones... we are waiting for somebody to call to us. And it is hard to have a work when you do not have a self-phone! I was so use to have it too. But now when I have been free from it for a year, I feel so happy and I do not know yet if I want to join the web again.
Not having a phone makes you go and visit your friends when you really want to meet with them. Internet can be handy too, writing e-mails... and arranging meetings. And then when things doesn't take place, you miss the meeting or letter, then you are out there, pursued to use your intuition. You just have to get better on that then! And you certainly will.

Moon is almost full.
Energy is high and nights are light - time to do.

I am finding pleasure on doing things with hands - medicine bag, flute-bag, fixing and improving this and that...writing, making envelopes... I realized that I have to slow down in order to reach the mind-state when I start doing the things I have always thought of doing, those things you like doing, but it usually seems that there is not enough time for it and so you put it aside.
What if you wake up after 20 years and realize that you haven't done those things at all! And all of a sudden you are getting older and you see that there is less time left than you have lived already!
Actually, you will never know (unless you listen to your intuition well ;) when is your time to leave.
So, better start living your dream right away!

WorldComesTogether

2009-09-30T19:58:00.001-05:00

World COMES together ~ One way or another ~ World COMES together

IT
IS

~

In the Matrix

2009-09-27T18:55:00.002-05:00

One evening you wake up and just feel that there is always something more happening than your mind can crasp in the regular awake mode. I just knew that I have to watch the movie "Matrix" again. It was lost in the house but my strong intention brought it out visible for me.

I saw something I hadn't seen there before. It was almost like I saw it for the first time. So many details and almost all the sentences have some meaning, if you dig into them.
As Native American's understand in their tradition that words should be used with caution and awareness, cause the words create the reality, our science is now also realizing that. "What the bleep do we know?" goes down the rabbithole pretty well. It is just amazing to realize that white people have killed red people just because they thought that they are primitive and stupid and on the way... and now we are discovering the truths they knew for such a long time..., we have almost killed them and now some of us are trying to find what is still left from their wisdom.
We are all same people, people of the Earth.
It is time to listen and be silent, to observe and open your heart - if we stop our mind's bla-bla, only then we can see that there is more in the world, there are all those other minds around us.. and even there are something, which can be mindless, it can excist without thinking... it is the heartbeat of the Universe. Talking to us without words. Only our Hearts can understand that. And this requires to listen to your Heart.

I have my last days in Canada. It is all so ripe here. I meet with people I am supposed to meet. I inspire them and I get inspired. I feel Family. It is becoming more and more visible. Time is sorting things out - some people come and go and be somewhere there, maybe time will bring them closer later on. Other people come and stay in the hearts. With them there is this easy and light connection which will be strong even when no words are being used, no letters exchanged. And when comes time to meet again, there is understanding.

Earthdance took place here, Victoria, yesterday. About 500 people held their hands and moved in spiral, meeting with each other through movement and shared joy. Throughout all the event it was so beautiful to see those flexible and beautiful souls dancing, laughing, moving, standing, learning from each other and living through their inner struggles. It is a protective space when people with raising awareness gather together. It is easy to find friends amongst those people.
My inner child got really excited about facepaintings and so I sat down there, in front of this beautiful sunshiny woman who appeared to know me as a boatwoman (we stepped by from their family's house in Sidney, while the boat was there, getting ready to sail, her husband is a woodworker and gave us some good tips!). I became a Forest Woman, feeling magical and so happy that I can allow myself to play!

When I walked on the streets today, people said hello to me, just because I looked into their eyes.
I went to a mission too. I decided to give the last money I have to a friend, who is making native flutes. I felt that this has to happen that I will take on of them with me. I tried them out, I felt how different they all are, how they heal through the spirit of the plant and a flutemaker.
My flute is like a branch. It is from Rivendell, a healing place in Vancouver Island. Grandmother Maple donated those branches to the flutemaker Craig, so the wisdom and healing can be alive, while the tree is dead in her primal existence.
All this story vibrated along with me and those holes felt so right under my fingers.
I had carried US dollars with me from Estonia. As I went to look around to find a exchange rate for those, I met with a woman who appears to be a musician in a great local band, playing Serbian music, we had a nice talk :) And as it all flowed so well and beautiful, I just knew it is right to support this friend and to support my sould with this music which can come out now! Goodbye dollars, from US and Canada! Graig gave 20 Canadian ones back to me, just because God told him to do so. You cannot argue with those things really!
His page - http://www.templewindflutes.com

As I walked home, being so happy and also tired, this guy thanked me for my beautiful smile. He asked if he could follow me home, would I keep him?
I said I do not have home. He said that he doesn't either.
I continued walking...and thinking....that why was I still afraid a bit? Why couldn't I go and just speak with him, listen to his story and stay free too, just acting with love and compassion.
Well, I guess there is more to learn about not being afraid and listening to the moments. I will wait for the next time and then I will do it! Face this fear and go and talk with a total stranger, give him/her some unconditional love.

Cause this is all we ever need.

Go and love a stranger!
:)
This stranger can be your next best friend!

The Next Message...

2009-09-23T14:16:00.001-05:00

...is where you are when you hear the next message.
Whenever you are ready you'll hear the next message.
The interesting thing is there is always a next message and it's always available to you.
Now!
That's a hard one!
The handwriting is always on the wall saying:

Magic Theatre
For Madmen Only
Price of Admission:
Your Mind

Always there, question is:
Can you see it?

by Ram Dass

***

What is happening with me is Remembering.
I wake into the world so unknow and jet so known. It is like smelling something which brings you feelings that you know this smell, but you do not remember how you know that and you do not remember where was it... But you Remeber. You recognize. And it feels like the Whole World is there, right now, in this very breath, in this moment of smelling the night, the forest and the starts. Big Dipper is up there with the Northern Star. And all your friends are all at once in your Heart. All the feelings are so big and true. And at the same time you are so alone and so empty. Just a space. Just a smeller. Just a wind. This White Wind I am now.

***

I love you.
I love the space and empty fullness I crasp just now, in this rooted moment, where it doesn't matter where I am. It doesn't matter what language I use. It is all one. Light is One. I am Light. My love is all love. I dissapear. You are love. We are the same love. As much as I see you, you see me.

Once you follow yourself, you find that there is no you anymore.

There is just Light on the Path.

***

Visual moments of this Summer

2009-09-16T17:57:00.009-05:00

Now when the days give us more rain again in here, Victoria BC,

it is great to look back to the summer.

It also means saying goodbye to lots of people and places.

Lessons of letting go.

This is a brief glance here, more photos will be somewhere soon enough.

Fire is burning in the fireplace and tea is smelling good...

M6ned pildihetked sellest suvest.

Nyyd kui p2evades on rohkem vihma ja s6brad asuvad r2nnuteile, on minuni j6udnud j22dvustused, mida saan teiega jagada.

Vast tuleb neid rohkemgi n2htavale m6ne aja p2rast.

Kaminas on tuli ja tee aurab maitsvalt...

So, this is the trip to Sidney, Freya's last time without masts. Hilary and Ty are up there and I was just enjoying it all. / Retk Sidney'sse, Freya viimne teekond ilma mastideta. Hilary ja Ty seal jutustamas ja mus on ilmselge r66m.

August 2009, BC, Canada

Skipper. Tacking against the wind out from Ganges Bay on our first sailing trip from Salt Spring to Galiano. / Tyyrinaine. Pautisime vastutuult saarte vahel. Treening.

September 2009

All 3 sails up there. Jib. Fore. Main.

K6ik kolm purje. (eestikeelsed s6nad mul veel 6ppimata..:)

While I was turning the wheel, guys were working with lines. We had a nice heel too!

Jason, Oliver, Dylan.

Siis kui ma tyyrisin, olid poisid otsadega tegelemas. Kreen oli vahel p2ris kena!

Towards the Dreams

Unistuste Poole

Maagiline Maailm on Merel.

T2nan Ilma, et see k6ik on juhtunud minuga.

You are Loved

The Day of Miracles

2009-09-15T23:04:00.003-05:00

Well. A book called "A New Light on Ascension" by Diana Cooper had huge impact to my day. I realized that I have changed and I have been lost. That I am now ready to follow exercises and meditations provided in this book. I am getting into the connection with the Spirit.

As I was walking towards free moksha yoga class, so happy with my decision to go there, I met a man I was just thinking to meet. We didn't have each others contacts. But there he was.

Later on the day I created a blogsite for Freya stories. This is sharing of our summer and of our commitment. I have put myself into it and this energy carried me to manifest this page - freyatheschooner.wordpress.com

There are some pictures already, more will come.
I take it as a game... we will see how it goes and grows and it will all happen only when it has to happen.

Then Azelia wanted to give me Sacred Fire Community newsletter, she asked me to call if I can come and meet up to go to see Grandmother Ocean. Well, payphone didn't get my message, so I went down to the ocean with a good hope and wish to find her and that she will go there even without getting any word from me.

I looked around, not seeing her. Well, I will just go down to the beach then. And there, there was another woman, girl that I just met on last weekend, we ran into each other yesterday too! What a coincidence! This meeting had to happen. She is sharing a path with me. Her mother is a healer, soundhealing and other things. She sings and plays piano... There is more to discover. And from the first moment I saw her, I felt so familiar...
Now we arranged a dinner. We followed guidance.

And as we walked up from the stairs and were about to say goodbye, Azelia walked towards us!
Perfect timing!

So,
this is how things are happening Now, in the Non-Sequential, Non-Logical Miraculous Reality.
Hard to think and plan anymore. I am guided, we are guided to give up all that and just trust the moment.

I can walk in the leaves which are on the ground...
Incence sticks were waiting for me on a freepile...
Sunset was so serene and light...
Finally I am finding myself again, funny that I am leaving this place now, just when it is all going easier. But I do not resist. I AM guided.

"Spare some change!"

2009-09-14T17:38:00.004-05:00

http://jakecollier.files.wordpress.com/2009/02/homeless-man.jpg

Spare some change!
.
Spare some change.
.
Spare some change!
.

This day I had walked by from one homeless guy on the street. I walked by, but I carried him with me. I looked back. I thought back.
I stepped into a book shop, used books. It is the biggest around. And they have so many books there. I was looking for Ram Dass "Be Here Now". It wasn't there. But another one was - "How can I help?" I opened it and read....how we make difference who to help. How our family is closer to us than somebody else's family. And how we pass by from the people on the streets. We even don't dare to watch them. And we don't dare to see other people on the street either. What about smiling to them?
On the public transport or other busy places we find ourselves so interested in our shoes..or ceiling... or just nothing... something to keep us away from connection with a fellow human.

I bought a book about angels. Diana Cooper.
What am I looking for?
Help.
I am looking for myself.
This is so weird that I think that books will help. Maybe they will.
And from the library I have taken lots of books. About interesting things. Natives and peaceful warrior, medicine woman and prayers, chinese medicine and herbs... I just feel like learning.
Then again I realize that I might know myself. That those books are just tools.., I am the worker.
I am healer.
Why am I so lost sometimes?
Why is this world so sick?

I continued walking on the streets.
Another man on the street.
His voice sounded like a broken branch. He was wearing dark glasses and white stick was with him. He was sitting on a bench, white plastic bucket in his hands.
"Spare some change!
Spare some change!"

I stopped. Somehow the fact that he was blind, gave me more courage. I took 2 dollars from my moneybag and went close to him. I gave him the money and then I talked with him.
Tomorrow they will make bloodtest to him and day after tomorrow one of his kidneys will be removed. He can barely walk. He is asking money for food.
I asked if he has home and he said that he has a place that might be called as home, but it is a bunk, it is a place with broken lights and mice running around. He doesn't see that but others have told him that.
"They do not care."
"Who?"
"Government. There is so much food waste, but nobody gives that to us. They throw it into garbage and get insurance money from that."

I listened and thought about us, freegans of Victoria, young people finding free food from dumpsters, finding free furniture and clothes from the street... What makes us different from this guy on the street?
His mother died 2 months ago. He has had sight but now he is blind. Nobody wants to employ him.

I thank him for being there. For giving others a chance to feel compassion.
Chance to share. Chance to dare.
It was a challenge to me.
Also when I walked away, hearing his continuous pitiful shouts - "Spare some change..", I was almost crying.
So this is the world.
We go and buy more things to satisfy our wantings, we are proud to earn a lot of money and wear expensive perfume from France...we struggle in our spiritual searches, we go and shop in fancy organic markets and think that if we get ourselves a good yoga clothes and go and sweat a lot in moksha yoga....then this will be enough.

If I help friends, but I do not care about people on the streets - am I compassionate?

I feel the feelings of the World.
Paavo says that it is normal. I am those feelings.
It is true.
Also it is challenging. Cause some people feel so lost, sad and unhappy..., mistreated and abused, not listened and not loved. I feel that too.
Where comes the change?

Still.
I am positive.
I know that it starts with Love.
I Love.
I love myself and then I can love the others.
I feel compassion, but I cannot go along. Life is a gift.

It is time to take responsibility for us all. It is time to see and choose. It is time to wake up and act. It is time to care and open our hearts to the Now. Be Here Now. I am looking for that. But this is something I know within. This IS.

~May we be guided into our highest wisdom, unity and connection.
May our spirits talk through us,
may our bodies be clean temples for the Light.~

How do you grow?

2009-09-13T12:53:00.004-05:00

On a sunny Saturday morning I was walking with Elizabeth and Catherine towards Anarchist Bookfair when we saw that Music Conservatory was having open doors day. We stepped in. Next I realized that I have signed myself up for a mini-lesson. Voice lesson.
There I was, opening myself and my voice, releasing fear and listening to Her, who is aware of energywork and that's why her explanations made so much sense for me. Breathing and reaching the sky trough the earth - this is how voice goes when it has strength. 15 minutes passed by so fast, but I learned a lot.
Then I was in saxophone lesson too, without my own instrument. But the teacher was reminding me how important is to be relaxed and have a straight and normal position, not to be twisted or feeling pain here or there... It all starts with simple things - noticing your body and your breathing.

I was lucky to meet with those teachers. There is so many ways to learn and teach. I have seen different sides of it and life shows eventually what is healthy and what is sustainable.
My heart felt just so happy while being around music again.
When I return here, I might go and volunteer in music therapy, or play piano in elders care homes. To bring light and joy to them.

What about Anarchist Bookfair - people wear a lot of black. They are sometimes dirtier than "normal" people. They also have thoughts about how to rebel and act against something. It can be freedom and it can be a trap. I got tired. Also I got a book about plants in here - about their edibility and medicinal properties.
As long as there is groundedness, it is possible to go trough the shadows, carrying light.

I saw a native woman who is really fierce about 2010 Oympics here. People are loosing jobs because of that, people are losing land... and all this activity around olympic games opens the old wounds too... that First Nation's have lost their land...and white people take it for granted, take the resources and fine art of the Natives...and use it to show it all from a fancy and glimmery side. It is very controversial. Homeless people from Vancouver are sent to Vancouver Island..., to Victoria, just because Vancouver has to look "nice". It makes me wonder.... what is real and what are we showed is real.
When I see pictures and commercial about Olympics, it all seems so nice. Even too nice. Cause I see something else too. People behind that. And all this money comes from somewhere. Somebody is being exploited. Maybe the Land. Mother Earth. And those people who want to live with the Nature.
Natives have lost lots of their pride and vision and growth. Alcohol kills their dreams. They become numb. And this is how they can be ruled. This is how we can be ruled. Almost everybody drinks alcohol...cause it is not as bad as drugs... and smoking. It is normal to drink alcohol!

I doubt about that.
Alcohol makes you forget.
Forget who you are.
Forget what are you dreaming of.
Forget why are you living.
Forget what you love and thrive for.
Forget your growth.
You loose your vision.
Wood in you is your growth, your purpose. And it is your vision. Liver is connected with the element Wood. Alcohol affects liver. People wear glasses cause they have lost sight. There is something they cannot see. They do not express themselves through creativity.
When was the last time you created something?

Imagine yourself as a tree. Seed knows already what kind of tree will come out of it. Branches reach toward Light, to the Sky. Roots reach into the Earth. Tree wants to be strong in the winds. Tree wants to grow, flower and fruit and then let it all go... and start all over again.

Find your growth and direction.
How do you see yourself when you are old?
What will be around you when 10 years have passed by?

Just hug a tree and listen to the water in the tree.
Listen to the growth.
Listen to the silence.

Thank YOU for listening.

Dive Into Life

2009-09-12T13:40:00.002-05:00

Paavo linked me with this and it feels like a blessing just right now. This book is from 1971, but some truths will remain the same, even if time passes by. Universal Light.
I encourage you to take a look,
it is strong.

World is shifting.

Be Here Now by Ram Dass

Uus Maailm pärast 09.09.09_New World after 09.09.09

2009-09-11T00:22:00.007-05:00

Nii hea on kasvada vanemaks. Maailmale vaadata üha ja üha teisiti. Alistuda elule Maal.
Soovida kohtuda vanematega ja loobuda enese tõestamisest. Lihtsalt Armastada. Ja tulla ja minna vabalt, enese südant kuulates.

Ma rõõmustan läheneva Eestisse minemise üle.
Soovin kohtuda teiega, tantsida üks pidu, laulda mõned laulud ja kallistada palju!

///*\\\

It is so great to grow older. To see world differently and differently. To surrender to the Life on Earth. To look forward meeting with parents and not to prove myself to them. Just to Love. And come and go as the Heart pleases.

I feel joy that I go to Estonia soon.
I want to meet with you, to dance a party, to sing some songs and to share lots of hugs!

2009-09-09T23:38:00.004-05:00

What is here for me,
stars in the sky and ocean near my feet.
This is the time of 0 and 9, time of movement and change, getting ready for 10. For the end and beginning. Some roots on the ground more clear and strong. Channeling Light from the Heavens, from Milky Way, from Infinity.

I learned about wind and sails, how there is a right angle for the movement and how the boat responds to my actions. 3 big sails up there, catching the wind and turning it into focused action. I turned the heel (wheel) and felt so in peace, blessed and at home - on the waters, on a sailing boat, on the ocean.
Mind is easy out there.
Simple things, jet challenging.
It is like maths, it is physics and it is rooted deeply to intuition and heart. So I just knew how to do it, how to give my best and how to follow the wind.

Orcas! I saw their fins, coming out from the water. First time, so beautiful and strong!

I saw more Gulf Islands, Salt Spring and Saturna. I am amazed and in awe. I feel so happy that life has brought me those opportunities.
I also got reminded to give up thinking and planning about my future.
I just do not know in the mind.
I will know when I need to know.
Relax and enjoy life!
Let it guide you!

Again and again I can hear that which I think I know... but I guess there is more to it. You have to live it, feel it... stop the patterns and observe your mind, emotions... then decide, listen to the silence and know what You want to do.

There are tides going on with the Ocean. Tides are happening in our lives too. We can learn from the water to go along. To give every piece of yourself to the flow and current. Water doesn't resist.
Let yourself to feel the motion. Let yourself to feel emotion.
Let yourself not to know.
Let yourself to trust and be.
Be more and do less.

Fall is here. Leaves are falling. I feel joy to say goodbye. To give some of the water away trough eyes, to feel thankful for all the moments shared together and to trust and know that if meetings have to happen, they will happen.
It is a relief to let go. To look back to the great summer, see all the beauty around and to know that this is my life. Good and bad, all in the same one-in-all.

I got a letter, real one (!) from my grandmother Tea. She said that her father was here, near Vancouver, 80 years ago, in the times of financial crisis. All the same. Just different time.
She wrote me how they have managed to live together with grandpa Kalju for 50 years! "You have to give freedom! And before you say anything, take your mouth full of water. (old Estonian saying)" It means that you better think before you say, listen and make compromises. Give up some of your understandings and be flexible.
It feels so great to read that. And to see some pictures of the larger family. Tea takes care of keeping the family together.

It was my second letter to receive in here.
You can write me too,
it feels so lovely
and special.
Thank You~

May the energy of 9 guide You!

This is Freya, after the masts got stepped, in the sunset in Sidney, Vancouver Island.

The Crew of Freya. Ty back there, Ollie next to him with curly hair. Giorgio's hair is curly too, but a bit darker. I am next to him. And then comes Jason. Dylan is making photo, so you cannot see him, but can feel him! Behind there you can see Freya too, dark masts.
Feast was happening with us!

Sailing magic to Galiano

2009-08-31T12:27:00.002-05:00

First sailing trip to Galiano with Maria Mahoy, Oliver's boat. 7 people on board. Sometimes not so much wind, so we motored. But water, all the time!
And beauty, sunset.
Magical party happened, I was Estonian Witch with Moon hanging on my neck.
Magical was it all. The place where we were - colourful, abuntant, wild and outside. Small cabins, buses, trailers, mushroom-houses, pool - connected with forest paths, decorated with all you can imagine. Candles, lights, small important and unimportant things. Wonderful wonderland. Freedom of mind and creativity!
Inspiration.
And we sailed back, raced a bit. Cooked cookies and watched the sunset when we got to Sidney. My night in Freya,
songs with guitar and in the morning Jason shared his pain about Afganistan - that his tax goes there to kill people.
What a crazy world we are living in!

So let the love guide us~

White Sails

2009-08-26T13:27:00.002-05:00

This is the last week when all of us (boat crew) are together, working towards getting the sails ready to sail. Big white clouds have fulfilled the living room of Redfern residence. Some of the roommates are getting a bit tired about climbing over them and seeing us so caught up in the process. So, amongst the work with the sails, we have to work on human relationships too. And actually this is something more valuable and long-term thing than the sails. They come and go, break down and get fixed again and again.

I walk home in the nights. Empty streets. Filled with random free stuff. Stars.

Fall is in the air. Sweet sadness of leaving. Leaves are leaving the trees too.
There is something so special and beautiful in that. Maybe the tears. Maybe the realization about the seasons and how things come, bloom and then go. And there is this space to look back and see what have you done and you can see all the stories there. Fun times and confusing times and through all that I see how I have made friends, how I have found trust.
Just yesterday when I was driving with Dylan's car, on a mission of picking things and people up and down, I felt that all this has come into my life here, in this summer. I have spent the summer here!
I am inside the life.
And I went along to a free concert last night in downtown. Biking downthehill in fresh and goodsmelling night full of lights.
I stood there. And I saw people I had seen before. Familiarity.
Tartu, the University-Town in Estonia, this feeling came to me - everybody knows everybody and everywhere you go, there is somebody you have met before. It feels like being in a family. It is very various and you will never know what will happen next.
I like this feeling of being alive in all that, being able to hug people, to say something good to them, to enjoy this life, move my body in the music and take some risks...

Heh,
Jason said that we can climb the bridge. The blue bridge which will rise up when the boats want to go trough. I thought I might not be able to do it. That I might be afraid. But I went along. With Megan and Jason. And there I was, on top of the metal construction, feeling every car who drove over the bridge... thinking for a second what will happen when the bridge will start to move....
and then letting go. Accepting and enjoying it.
Sneaking around the laws and fences... this can be freedom in mind.

In the middle of the night I biked back. Stopped in the footballfield and did Five Tibetian exercises. Every night I have done them in different places in recent days. Park. Cemetary. Footballfield. Garden.
Feels great to overcome disturbing thoughts and just do it, even when I am tired, even when the day is about to end... To live.

To live, not to survive!

Estonians

2009-08-22T20:46:00.004-05:00

Healing Tears

2009-08-22T19:41:00.006-05:00

Life becomes so real when a guy who seems usually a bit distant and in his own world, calling me crazy, comes into the house and just falls to the couch, tears in his eyes. He broke up with the girl and he is so wasted that he doesn't like that at all... And all of a sudden all the sadness and stories of his life are alltogether, so real and strong. I stop my writing and I go and sit down to him, feeling so serious, wishing to help him.
He has done his best but that wasn't enough. All his efforts seem to be wasted.
He wants to be drunk and waisted as hell, cause there is nothing else he can see.
And I feel sad, understanding and sharing his feelings.
Yet, as he feels so weak and unworthy, I see it as a strength. I thank him for being so strong in his weakness.

I make a tea. Sudden strength comes into me. I am so grateful to him to open up so much. I feel connection now and I feel a calling from his soul. This makes me realize that my calling to be a healer is again right. That my sorrows and sadnesses are so small. My life this time is meant to be for serving the others, my own growth and learning comes through that. I am here to walk over the bridges and to give hands.

And as I found this inspiration to help him in his situation I also realized that this is the way I am supposed to help myself when I feel low, sad and useless.
There is always Light to choose. Path of the Light is waiting for us. We just are blinded with our sorrows and stories that we turn our eyes from that, even when we are aware of this option.

It is easy to turn and connect with another wound, with another hurt-one. To find a similar shadow.
It takes courage to look higher, to look into the light and to stretch your back and go pass your fears and dramas.
This is why we are here, on the Earth.
To find a path to the Light.
We try to kill ourselves, to drink, to smoke, to eat bad, to take drugs... just because we do not love ourselves. Just because we think we are not worthy. Worthy of things to come into our lives with ease and joy and glory.
We continue creating misery and disappointment into our lives with our thoughts.
It is hard to face that. To take responsibility of our thoughts and acts.
Still.
It is there, waiting to take a lead, to choose and to be free.

I tell it all to myself again and again. I find new proofs to that and it sinks into me deeper and deeper. Why can't I get it all at once and will be free, will be enlighted... This is just the way things work on the Earth. It is slow. But steady.
Surrendering is the key.

It is so hard to let go of the need to do much. To rush. To Do Something Important!
I think this is the sickness of our world.
Gladly, there is a girl, woman, in my house, Elizabeth. And being with her is like doing nothing. It is like choosing less. Choosing a path into simplicity and clarity. People do not like less. People like more. That is why she is not seen by many, not connected with many. But she is. And I am learning to see her. And together we teach each other. I encourage her and she encourages me.

People are mysterious. Never judge or assume anything. Just listen to them. Let your thoughts go. Let it be.

/I found Deva Premal "Love is Space" from the street. Listening./

Fall and Rise

2009-08-21T14:38:00.002-05:00

I can smell it. I can feel it. Stars are falling in the darker and darker nights. Still there is some warmth. Summer knows that soon comes the time to fade, so He gives His best to impress us, to show His affection. And we like it too. We appreciate His hugs. Still, we know that this is the hug of goodbye. Fall is whispering its tender and soothing words, letting us to meet with the fruits of what we have grown. Also She brings us some sadness, this beauty of falling leaves. And we can light the candle and say sincere words to the dear ones around.

"You have chosen the life of gypsy," he told me when I asked what happens if I do not come back here... Tears in my eyes I felt. The team of Freya will spread soon, just two weeks more. Life guides everybody into a different direction. And after all that I will go too. And I do not know if I will ever come back, I do not know what the life will bring to me.
Have I chosen the life of a gypsy, following the wind?
He, Ty, told me that some people will always remember me, the angel, who came into their lives and brought light with her.
"I haven't choose that. Can you choose the winds?" I told.

So pure and beautiful it all is. I feel small in the middle of this big Life, happening and guiding us, giving us some clues, still we are unaware and stupid enough, maybe blessed, not to know what is going to happen. How are the lives of people being bound and torn apart and brought back together. We wish and we want to control. Yet, what can a drop of water in the ocean do when the wave taking her along to a stormy adventure, shores far abroad...

Then turned on the music which was with me when I was in Haapsalu. Paavo has put together this mixture. And you can listen to it too : http://www.zshare.net/audio/57113174063cd9c8/

I connected myself with the Internet. Last night under the stars I realized that Internet is something so natural for us now. It is so vast. And people keep adding information to it. And it feels so natural to find answers to all our questions from there. It is like this mutual energyfield, informationsource, we all build up and we all can access. It is enormous and beautiful. We use simple system of zeros and ones to store it all, we have machines to understand those codes...
It might be a step on our way to connectedness, connection even without computers and storage places. It is going to be very intuitive and ever-accessable. It is there already. Just we are not ready for that. We are learning and preparing ourselves. And then it will happen, so naturally that we might not even notice.

The Signs.
One reference letter for Chinese Medicine school just came to me. And I read it with wonder and tears. Strong reflextion of me. I am stunned to see this sight from aside, myself from a distant, from a man I highly admire and appreciate, the Master of Neijing Chinese Medicine School in Haapsalu, Estonia.
And then I got a letter from the School, saying that they got the letter. And the time I recieved that was 12:12.
I know that it is what I am supposed to do.
It is hard to trust it all sometimes. Cause I still do not know how it will all come together, how will I find al the money I need, how can I go trough the process of getting visa. And then how can I cope with the longing for Estonian language, dear friends there... Huh. It is just much sometimes. And this unknowingness - how it will all be together, all those people and places in my life.
And Mother is missing me, is calling me back. I know that, I miss it all too. Still. I am here. I am called to be a Healer.
It becomes more and more clear to me.
And even when I start to doubt from time to time, I am guided back to this track. And whatever form it will take, I have to surrender.
I believe I will recognize my path to follow.
All the dear people here and on the other side of the ocean will be in my Heart. And the Heart is expanding and going to be big enough to fit you all in. To be with all of it.

Thank you all who make my stories epic for me to live.
And believe me, your stories are as epic for me. And get inspired and I continue my path here. This the gift we share with each other.
In the
Felloship of Light.

5 Big Canadian Boys and Estonian Mama on the Boat

2009-08-20T01:52:00.005-05:00

I feel like it is a continuous story now - this boat, Freya (Frayja) and all around it.
She is full now - having masts on her feels like a sacred union of female and male aspect. This is how sailboats give you a feeling of wholeness.
So much fun goes around that.
And much learning in every sense. Learning about sails and rigging. Riggers Apprenticeship and Sailors Apprenticeship - our bibles.

So, this is clear now that I am bound to the boat, my blood is under the main mast with all the blood from those 5 Canadian guys. Small white feather took this mission onto herself. She is carrying it all now, all the weight of the big 45 feet tall mast. She is sharing it with the sister Sage. Sage is our grounding, purification and clarity. There was a penny from the year 1901 under the foremast before. But we lost it mysteriously. Money didn´t really mean so much to us either.
So.
Lavender took its place. Her fragrance is guiding us towards the dreams with her sweetness.

All those words around me, words in English, in the language of seamen. This is another world, reality. I do my best to keep myself in the wave. It is here with a reason. I am in it. Maybe some day I can give advice when somebody is going to step the mast of a wooden boat. Shrouds and lines - everything has to be in its right place and order.

Of course we didn`t do all right at the first place. Ollie and Ty and Jason went up there in turns, hanging on a crane and changing the places of some stays and and shrouds. Dylan made two new deadeyes and we pulled line through them, making masts more stable. I learned some linework, knots and stuff. Leatherwork is also around. I found myself loving to be inside a big deer(or elk)hide. Some old instincts woke up when I was sitting there on the ground, leather wrapped around me. I felt like sitting forever like that, being invisible amongst the dried grass...

I am realizing that I am good at finding stories. But sometimes they do not matter to other people around me. And this is what I have to learn that I do not have to tell them to those who do not feel like listening. Some things which are important and interesting for me are not exiting enough to stop their thinking-doing process.
"What do I do with those stories then?" I ask from myself. Why do the appear for me? Is this the way it is suppose to be? Am I meant to share those or to just wonder around and feel blessed that I notice them.
Oh, they are sometimes so small and in whispers that only way to see and feel them is to be as silent as you can. And to think nothing. Just letting yourself to be carried by them.

Worlds inside and outside seem to be different. Heh. What a found! Some information and connection in the level of the spirit is so easy and smooth and true. But then comes the Earthly existence and minds in between, borders and lines and customs and habits and moods and this all. And I feel confused - are my dreams and visions, subtle voices and realizations real? Where are they from? Are they from this time or from another time and space?
Should I listen to them and dare to live them, even if the "reality" is telling me something else with its illusions and stories?

I find myself being this small girl again - asking questions about the world and universe, me and the others. And again - there are not many people around who come along with me, who take me seriously. Who listen. I guess answers are around. I will find them and they are trying to make themselves visible and hearable. I am just too loud for that.
And there comes the question - are those things for sharing or keeping for myself - cause the answers are mine to find anyways...
I just hope I do not trash the world with my words and sentences.

~

So, today we washed the sails. Big white wings were laid down on top of the tarps. Yesterday we grainded 6 loafs of scented soap and put it into the rubber-pool with water and sails in it - to soak overnight. Today they were wet and soapy and we rubbed them with sponges. Lots of water and crawling around. Water went darker - so I guess the sails went whiter. Although it was hard to see that. What we saw were the holes and places to work on - some sewing has to take place! Tomorrow....

~

Even though I am tired of all this action, big acts and communication, those loud guys and running around... I feel that I love it. This is it. This is the story of Freya, the schooner. And this is the story of my life. Adventures. Hard and easy times, mixed together. And I love to have this dark nighttime when everybody is asleep and I am typing here, to share it with you, with the world, with whoever is coming around to read it.
Good and bad - this is the same.
"Love it!" I tell to myself.
Love feeling tired.
Love feeling grumpy.
Love feeling like doing nothing.
Love letting all pass by.
Love feeling enthusiastic.
Love feeling in love.
Just love it!

I continue walking on the path of "loving myself". This is the journey.
It is not about survival.
It is about living it!
Living the dreams~~

P.S.
What I loved the most today was picking the figs just next to a big supermarket centre..., just over the fence there. It might be somebodys garden. But the figs are ripe and just waiting to be eaten. So we save them.
Tonight I touched them to feel which ones are ripe, so sweet and soft! Now I know how it feels. And this is a blessing. Once I dreamed about that. It is here now.
Thanks!